Multimedia message

Multiple Rudolfs

Multimedia message

Filthy commerce

Multimedia message

Live from staff development conference

Workin' for the Weekend

I'm interviewing candidates for a technical position I have available... and after two rounds of interviews, I had placed the applicants in order of preference (in my head). This morning I get to work, and the top candidate... the one I was going to make an offer to, dropped me an email and asked me to withdraw him from the application pool!!!

Had I not gone out last night with Richard, GFR and The Rapper newly known as "W", I wouldn't be so numb. As it is, i'm still suffering from the night at Graham's. Which at the time I didn't know it would be so important... but this morning the pain would be increasingly sharp if I were clear headed and on my toes.

I've responded with an email - kind of digging for more information. If the little booger doesn't email me back this morning, i'm calling him. I want to know why why WHY?

BD Blinkyshit

And here, in "P"s honor, we have lust-inducing wicked, weekend luvin' eye candy for the guys...
(You ARE overcome with lust, right?);)

It might be Sunny Outside

I found the lineup for Discorus 2006 Festival of Rock:

Dropping Daylight, Rikets, Halestorm, Evans Blue, Crossfade, Buckcherry, Breaking Benjamin, Shinedown and Seether.

I know I know them... and I'm pretty sure I've seen Halestorm before....

I've been swamped today! I've interviewed three techs for the opening I have in my area and now i'm preparing for tomorrow's interviews. I'm also trying to make a major decision on new chairs for the technicians (maybe some that will hold up under intense abuse and won't dig potholes in the floor when we scoot from one side of the room to the other during our daily chair races). I was also given the grueling task (along with two other coworkers) of researching our phone bill... what we have, what we want, and what we don't need.

Need a nap. lol

BD Blowout

Today is a very exceptional day for several reasons. A long time ago, 8 ½ years to be precise, in a galaxy far far away, “P” impetuously random chatted me on icq and we’ve been inseparable buddies ever since. Though he resides a mere 50 miles away and similarly works for an institution of higher learning, we have somehow managed to never lock eyeballs in person. However, it is a rare week that we don’t IM daily and I cannot imagine my life without him. Funny, witty, sarcastic and an unbelievable blast are just a few words to describe this comrade in arms. He has explored the deepest recesses of my mercurial mind and possesses some serious blackmail fodder. (Don't even think about it, "P"!) Incalcuable are the times he's had me LOLing at my desk as tears ran down my cheeks thanks to some outrageous remark he typed. He also has an uncanny knack of talking me into some of the zaniest, most bizzare internet schemes I wouldn't come up with in a million years. It’s like having a little IM devil on my shoulder whispering in my alarmed ear! And most of the time I DO IT! I suppose I should warn other IM friends that if a typed phrase or astonishing email doesn’t jive with the sweet and mannerly style of the Mz Circe you have come to know and love, it is very likely some fiendishly mischievous banter "P" cooked up and I receptively and willingly agree to parrot. In any event, Happy BD “P” darling and I hope we are still furiously typing back and forth for many eons to come. :)

Libra September 23 - October 23
Years of training as a Boy Scout will lead you to escort an elderly woman across the street and take sexual advantage of her defenseless body in a nearby alleyway.

Discorus

Discorus: A Festival of Rock is right around the corner!

Seether and Shinedown and a ton more... a full day of rock, baby! I'm counting down the minutes... *counter inserted here*

Heavenly Tears

Greetings gang! On this lovely October morning we are experiencing liquid globs from the sky and though it makes for a dreary view, we are grateful to welcome needed moisture. I will be gone this afternoon so I thought I’d get my precious posting done early, including your Tuesday Sexxy pic. And speaking of sex, or lack thereof…

The Topfive.com’s 5 Rejected Slogans Promoting Abstinence

5> Don't think of it as less sex -- think of it as more time to watch "Babylon 5" reruns.

4> You've come a long way, Baby -- for nothing!

3> Abstinence: No f**kin' way!

2> Spend a little time away from the orifice.

1> "Hello, this is President Clinton with an important message for young people...."

She has a very sparkly er, personality; click at your own risk!

Aries March 21 - April 19
Tomorrow will be the perfect day to curl up in bed with a good book and sob hysterically about how you never properly learned to read.

Wedding Bells Upon Us

I talked to my long lost friend, April, last night. She's in the last few weeks of singledom and even though exhausted and stressed, she's excited about the new beginning. All at the same time she's gotten a promotion at work, closing on a house and moving, and getting married. She needs to get preggers in the midst of all that to top it off :)

I'm really excited for April and Joe and I wish them the very best!

Criminal Sexiness

Here is a glittery message in joyous celebration of Sexy Blinkyshit Week. Er, it would have lent more weight to their kind words had they employed the correct contraction, but I don't (do not) believe we are dealing with rocket scientists OR English majors here....

Oh Happy Monday

Considering how this day started.... it hasn't turned out so bad.

Wait, no... it pretty much started last night when I bit into a Tostito and a fleck of the chip flew into my eye.

I tossed and turned all night long only to awaken 40 minutes after my alarm was to go off. I must have turned it off in my sleep because I know I turned it on when I went to bed... and the clock was right... so I obviously turned it off still asleep. I bailed out of bed and jumped in the shower, making every effort to speed things up so I wouldn't be too late.

Thankfully I had laid my clothes out the night before so I could get out the door quicker. I needed to be at the office quite a bit earlier this morning and every minute counts. I did my hair, makeup, put my clothes on and headed to the kitchen for a glass of water. As I headed to my closet to grab my shoes - so I could leave - I noticed one pantleg was longer than the other. With further investigation, I found the hem was out! It was about 2 inches longer than the other leg. I didn't have time to fix it... so I had to strip down and find something else to wear.

After that was settled, I grabbed my laptop, fritos, and cookies (big office chili cookoff today) and headed out the door. I hopped in the MM and then realized I had left my purse inside. So.... back in the front door I go to track down the purse.

Finally... I was on my way and really not too late!

I get to work and everyone starts bringing in their goods for lunch... my phone rings. One of the girls that brought chili says 'I need to talk to you'. She asks if I will stir her chili for her periodically. Only makes sense because it's all setup right outside my office door. Then she says, in a very quiet voice, 'there is something else. While I was making the chili I noticed I only had one earring in. Can you also watch for the earring'. *my hysterical laugh inserted here* 'I don't know that it's in there, but I am not sure when I lost it. Do you think we should mention it to anyone?'

To that I say *still laughing*... no way! Chances are it's not in there... and if it is and someone finds it just act like you did it on purpose and it was all a big game and announce they won XYZ prize! hahaha

We made it thru lunch and no one found the earring. If they did... and they ate it (which I really doubt it because it was a fairly large hoop)... it will pass. (ouchie!)

Hillside Hilarity

The weather was perfect, the crowds congenial and an abundance of beer flowed effortlessly from the primed spigots as Bud Light, Amber Bock, Rolling Rock, and a flavorful concoction named Pumpkin were offered as brewery choices. Not one to offend a beverages feelings, I sampled three of the four. The pumpkin selection wasn’t half bad and my compadres were in a jovial mood as we reclined on the shady hillside surveying the crowd. (Slippery flipflops—please remember these words as they will play a paramount role later in the story)...

Always spotting familiar acquaintances, I chatted with our lovely cellular rep (Motorola Mishaps) in all her 60s glory. A dear friend's sexy son bumped into me (literally and on purpose) and we exchanged friendly greetings. He later joined me on the knoll and sans current squeeze, privately engaged in a brief tete-a-tete before rejoining his companions. Hmmm, younger men....*sigh*

Toward the end of our pleasant outing, consumption of hops and barley surely played a major part in my lax sartorial judgment in purchasing a white feathered boa to complete my casual jeans and top ensemble. After earlier wolfing down a foot-long Polish sausage with kraut washed down with copious quantities of beer, at the last minute I rashly decided to purchase a sugar-covered, grease-laden funnel cake. Sis and I headed back up the incline to round up the gang and take our leave. Choosing the sexy, black sequined flipflops for footwear came back to haunt me as heading down the treacherous slope, I lost my balance, feathers flying, an explosion of fluffy, powdered sugar shot skyward, and the delectable confection sailed through the air as I unceremoniously tumbled ass over teakettle much to the merriment of the beer ticket ladies. Landing flat on my face, I quickly sprang to my feet as “K” promptly recovered the dessert (2 second rule applied) completely intact. Though physically unhurt, I could not say the same for my injured dignity (or as much dignity as one can muster clad in a flirtatious, girlish, fuzzy boa) which suffered serious damage as I dusted myself off and headed for the gate. We all laughed about it the entire way home as I relived my embarrassing, clown-like antics. I only wish I had thought to curtsy and wave to the stunned crowd. I promise you this will be one Oktoberfest I’ll never forget. :)

Pre-boa

Multimedia message

Silly balloon hats

Multimedia message

Multimedia message

Mango's

If you ever head to South Beach, Florida check out Mango's. Its an awesome restaurant/club that has tons of entertainment. The party gets started about 11pm and runs to 4am... it's open waaaaay before 11pm, but thats when it starts getting really good :) The waitresses and bartenders sing and dance on the bars and we even caught a trio of muscular hottie men dancing and stripping pieces of clothing off - our bartender was one of them! Of course, the ladies take their turn. I wish we'd taken more pictures there.... but we didn't. We did get a few video clips though.... i'll see about getting them up for viewing.

Last(ing) Luv

Finishing off our weekly special of "showin' love" are these two exquisite gems.
Call me crazy but I think she's showing more bare Ass than heartfelt Love but I could be mistaken....

Haunting Fun Times

The Bricktown Haunted Warehouse is having a sneak preview tonite, saturday and sunday. It opens for the haunting season on Friday the 13th.

Extra Attraction:
The Bricktown Haunted Warehouse has expanded with a whole new haunted attraction called “The Haunted Dungeon NOW !!!! in 3D”. A 3D haunted dark ride that is a terrifying journey through the basement depths of the warehouse with many horrifying scenes to gruesome to describe. All in the third dimension.

Do I dare try it this year!?!?

"Do I make you a little horny?"

The Topfive.com’s Ten Signs You're About to Be Dumped

10> "I think we should start seeing other people. And by 'we,' I mean 'I.' And by 'should,' I mean 'have been.' And by 'other people,' I mean 'your best friend.' I'll let you figure out what 'seeing' means."

9> On his return visit to the show, your beau jumps up and down on Oprah herself.

8> You ask your Magic 8 Ball if she's going to dump you and it says, "Signs point to a prolonged period of masturbation, Loser McDumpy."

7> You're pretty sure "Adios, bitch!" wasn't really the answer to every question on last night's "Jeopardy!"

6> She's removed you from her friends list on MySpace and her buddy list on AIM, and is currently attacking her tattoo with a cheese grater.

5> Your girlfriend changes her screen name from Suzie1981 to SuzieLez1981.

4> She keeps having strange men come in to try out your butt-groove on the couch.

3> She calls out another guy's name while making love.
To that other guy.
In your car.
While you're driving them to the airport.

2> She sits you down and starts the classic "It's not you, it's me" speech with, "It's YOU, asshole!!! All you, you, you, you, you! Oh, my God, it is soooooooo YOU!!"

1> "Hi, this is Dan at the suicide hotline. Just checking in. Feel free to call back anytime."

Aries March 21 - April 19
A whirlwind office romance will bloom today between you and that stunning spreadsheet that tracks all funded programs, their revenue sources, and the deductible services they provide.

I hope to mo-blog from Oktoberfest tomorrow and next week I will showcase ‘SEXY blinky crap’ for your eyeball-searing enjoyment. (You are wetting your ruffly panties in anticipation, I can tell…)
Have a terrific fall weekend...
Ciao darings! ;)

I Shaved my Legs for THIS?

First thing this morning by boss caught me with 'I need to speak to you'. Even though I knew nothing could possibly be wrong I still got this knot in the pit of my stomach and headed off to his office with him. He proceeded to ask me about the opening I have in my department and how the application process is going. Then, he hands me a piece of paper... I had been selected for a random breath alcohol test.

I hate those things! It's the biggest pain in the butt and I know I'm going to pass so I just don't know why they won't take my word for it. I also express all this to him... to which he laughs. haha

After our impromptu meeting I took off for the medical clinic and thinking since it's first thing in the morning and only 15 minutes after they have opened, this won't take long. Wrong. I signed in and took a seat next to a mechanic looking guy. This clinic is in the heart of Skanksville America where its probably possible to contract cooties simply by parking in the parking lot, however it's the clinic that works with the company's insurance... so here we are. Anyways, the seat by the mechanic guy looked the cleanest and the least threatening.

He coughed and girggled, I tried to watch a little bit of tv (but it hurt my neck too bad to crank it so far to the right) but found it more comforting to play with my cell phone. I logged into Yahoo! chatter and yacked away with a friend from Chaos College, text messaged my sweetie while he slaved away at work, and made a few phone calls to vendors and to the techs back at the office. This whole time mechanic guy is watching over my shoulder and I could sense him wanting to talk to me.

Sure enough he chimes in with this wait is taking forever. I certainly have a response to that, so I spark a little conversation with him. We chat a bit and I learn all about his two Harley's and two Honda's and the poker runs when he gets called to the back (lucky dog). Shortly afterwards, secretary girl deeply in need of a haircut, color job and use of much less mousse, calls my name. I have to leave a copy of my license and sign a few papers saying something... I turn to take my seat and some fat @#^%@#%@*% has taken it! The only and I mean the only place to sit is smack dab in the middle of two huge, dirty, nasty meanass looking gargantuan men!

I took a deep breath and nestled my tiny butt on about 1/2 inch of chair... being very careful not to scoot back so I didn't feel so squished amongst them. I prayed silently for God to please call my name... please send little nurse lady or short dark guy to call my name! I want to do this drug test NOW!

I peeled the label off my water bottle, picked at my finger nails, text messaged, tinkered with my shoes... anything to lean forward and stay busy!

Finally, little nurse lady called my name and with zero hesitation I was up and thru that door. Gleefully (too much for my irritated taste this morning) lead me thru all the hallways to her office where I would perform an alcohol BJ. On the wall was a sign about the BJ's they perform. Do you seriously think they dont get what that says?!?!? or am I the only dirty minded one? I blew and passed. I knew I would.

She asked if I had to wait long. My opportunity, and I took it. I told her how it had been over 2 hours and its a nasty mess out there. Of course the answer is always 'we're working short handed'... as was her answer. They had scheduled 12 to work and only 7 showed. That is too dang long to wait to do a breathilizer. After waiting in that room... its a wonder I didnt blow something... fumes, body oder, foot fungus, something of some sort.

Thurs Edition

I almost forgot to post my Thursday edition of makes-my-head hurt luvin'. Enjoy! :)

Meme—Grant Style

I was rummaging around my brain trying to think of an excellent post for today and stumbled across our favorite all-around nice guy *EG* Grant's contribution which in turn caused a dazzling lightbulb to twinkle above my head! Or possibly it was retarded blinky crap from Myspace… At any rate, here goes:

1. You can press a button that will make any one person explode. Who would you blow up?

Water Buffalo (see former post)

2. You can flip a switch that will wipe any band or musical artist out of existence. Which one will it be?

Fergie. I detest My Humps or Lumps or whatever the hell she’s caterwauling about, and I swear she is saying ‘latte’ not ‘London’ in her latest lame venture.

3. Who would you really like to just punch in the face?

Water Buffalo for her oozing touchy-feelyness AND Fergie for her sucky lyrics.

4. What is your favorite cheese?

Brie I suppose.

5. You can only have one kind of sandwich. Every sandwich ingredient known to humankind is at your immediate disposal. What kind will you make?

I love BLTs. Chicken salad sandwiches would be next choice.

6. You have the opportunity to sleep with the movie celebrity of your choice. We are talking no-strings-attached sex and it can only happen once. Who is the lucky celebrity of your choice?

Jon Stewart, or Conan O’Brien. Don’t know if they are any good in bed but they would keep me laughing, preferably not during the act itself.

7. You have the opportunity to sleep with the music-celebrity of your choice. Who do you pick?

Eminem. (LMAO)

8. Now that you've slept with two different people in a row, you seem to be having an excellent day because you just came across a hundred-dollar bill on the sidewalk. Holy crap, a hundred bucks! How are you gonna spend it?

I’ll make a doctor appointment to make sure I haven’t picked up any STDs.

9. You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere. You have to depart right now. Where are you going to go?

Australia

10. Upon arrival to the aforementioned location, you get off the plane and discover another hundred-dollar bill. Now that you are in the new location, what are you going to do?

Use it to buy a few souvenirs.

11. A demon rises out of Hell and offers you a lifetime supply of the alcoholic beverage of your choice. It is...?

Demon (thanks, baby!) sure is generous. I’ll take wine--reds, whites, dry, sweet, sparkling. Definitely a goodly supply of Viva Bacco White from Ferrigno Winery in St. James, Missouri.

12. Rufus appears out of nowhere with a time-traveling phone booth. You can go anytime in the PAST. What time are you traveling to and what are you going to do when you get there?

Rufus???
I would like to visit the 1940s and wear the clothes and listen to big bands. Having said that I suppose I will find the nearest nightclub and listen to them live instead of on the vintage radio over the mantel.

13. You discover a beautiful island upon which you may build your own society. You make the rules. What is the first rule you put into place?

“Obey all rules.” Oh wait, that’s what Barney said on the Andy Griffith show.

14. You have been given the opportunity to create the half-hour TV show of your own design. What is it called and what's the premise?

"Circe Makeovers"

Each week I will take some poor, disheveled female slob in dire need of my skillful application of makeup, savvy eye for attractive hairstyles, and impeccable taste in clothing and Circefy her. :)

15. What is your favorite curse word?

Does ‘fucktard’ count?

16. One night you wake up because you heard a noise. You turn on the light to find that you are surrounded by MUMMIES. The mummies aren't really doing anything, they're just standing around your bed. What do you do?

After a deafening scream, I will turn over in bed in the soothing realization I was just experiencing a bad dream.

17. Your house is on fire! You have just enough time to run in there and grab ONE inanimate object. Don't worry, your loved ones and pets have already made it out safely. So what's the item?

Definitely my computer(s). I’ll have the desktop under one arm and the laptop under the other. Priorities, people.

18. The Angel of Death has descended upon you. Fortunately, the Angel of Death is pretty cool and in a good mood, and it offers you a half-hour to do whatever you want before you bite it. Whatcha gonna do in that half-hour?

Make love, preferably with an attractive, willing partner. (Any takers?)

19. You accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what's even cooler is that they endow you with the super-power of your choice! What's it gonna be?

I’m going to stay forever young and beautiful while watching the rest of you turn into decrepit seahags.

20. You can re-live any point of time in your life. The time-span can only be a half-hour, though. What half-hour of your past would you like to experience again?

I want to see my parents again.

21. You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be?

Getting married. Or getting cancer. It’s a toss-up.

22. You got kicked out of the country for being a time-traveling heathen who sleeps with celebrities and has super-powers. But check out this cool stuff... you can move to anywhere else in the world! Bitchin'! What country are you going to live in now?

Canada. (I have my reasons)

23. This question still counts, even for those of you who are under age. Check it out. You have been eternally banned from every single bar in the world except for ONE. Which one is it gonna be?

I don’t go to bars so I’m not overly broken-hearted if they all ban me. I will just lounge here by the pool sipping my chilled alcoholic beverage of choice. (thankfully I chose wisely for Question 11!)

24. Hopefully you didn't mention this in the super-powers question.... If you did, then we'll just expand on that. Check it out... Suddenly, you have gained the ability to FLOAT!!! Whose house are you going to float to first, and be like "Dude, check it out... I can FLOAT!"?

Wouldn’t you like to know…. ;-)

25. The constant absorption of magical moonbeams mixed with the radioactive vegetables you consumed earlier has given you the ability to resurrect the dead famous-person of your choice. So which celebrity will you bring back to life?

Don Knotts. No one can replace reliable Barney Fife.

26. The Gates of Hell have opened, and Death appears. As it turns out, Death is actually a pretty cool entity, and happens to be in a fantastic mood. Death offers to return the friend/family-member/person, etc. of your choice to the living world. Who will you bring back?

My wonderful, terribly missed dad.

27. What's your theme song?

SOS by Rihanna.

Sweet Thing

While we were on South Beach, Richard was taking different pictures and messing with his camera... he asked me to pose. He kept tootling around and so I just sat down in the sand and waited on him. I didn't know he was snapping some pictures of me. This is my favorite....

Wednesday Wickedness

And here for your Wed viewing 'fiesta for the eyes' is moi showin' you some L O V E! (Blogger detests this one sooooo much, it bans its blinky glory even when image is clicked!)
*saucy grin*

TomKat's Dark Side

All I ever see Tom and Katie in anymore is black. If it's not black, its dark... and might as well be black. Black/dark clothes and big black sunglasses. Am I wrong that its not right to wear brown books with black clothes... that are black from head to toe?

I'm wondering about them... you know he was in those vampire movies... hmmm...

and.... It appears as if he has man boobies!?

Blah Blah Blah

Well this has just been quite the week so far. I have suffered from alternating allergy/sinus crap with today being a nice even split featuring glazed, watery eyes and sneezing this morning and dizziness and pressure this afternoon. And to add to my woes, I was labeled a Dizzy Blonde! *arches brow at F* Yesterday I careened my way down our private hallway in search of the water cooler, trying desperately to avoid bonking into the walls as I veered pinball-like back and forth in my effort to remain upright. When attempts were made to specify on our bulletin board my expected location first thing this am (eye doc to pick up a contact lense), I could actually feel the pressure in my ears changing. Prescription meds keep me up all night with their powerful decongestant and the over-the-counter Claritin didn’t faze my symptoms one iota so I gave up and took plain aspirin. Sure wish it would cool off, rain or both. As I’ve mentioned before, hot, dry, and windy conditions simply wreck Ms Circe’s physical well-being let alone cheery disposition.

Remind me not to deposit my laden plate anywhere near Water Buffalo’s vicinity when attending employee functions in the cafeteria area. To put it mildly, she suffers from an acute case of what my dear dad termed ‘diarrhea of the mouth.’ While the rest of my little group quietly ate their delectable choices from the buffet table, our ears were relentlessly assaulted by loud, annoying verbiage issuing forth from Mz Chatty Cathy. We all politely listened to her endless blather about nothing and at the first opportune moment I jumped up, excused myself, and fled the room. I was also afraid a certain VP in attendance known for his long-winded speeches might take advantage of the hapless, cornered attendees and regale us with whimsical tales unrelated to the purposeful reason we were gathered together—a favored colleague’s retirement.

It was bound to happen. TBC was presented his very own cell phone four weeks ago and yesterday managed to forget he had one, leaving it on the pickup truck thereby sending it hurtling off upon engagement of said vehicle. Can we say ‘oops’? After retracing his tracks, he discovering the poor darling shaking and crying by the side of the godforsaken road and immediately snatched it up and recovered it. I imagine a sordid tale of neglect and ill-treatment would pour from its metal mouth if it could speak. I examined the patient last night and found it none the worse for wear, though it bears some deep, embedded scars on its shiny backside. TBC needs to shower his poor child with some TLC. ;)

Rosie Cheeks

Again this morning I heard something interesting on the radio.

Something about Rosie and her co-host Elisabeth. I only heard enough to know there was trouble in paradise - which there really hasn't ever been paradise because ever since the announcement that Rose O'Donnell was joining the crew, there has been conflict.

But this little bit of info made me Google... and I found:

As TMZ told you recently, Rosie's having a tough time blending in at "The View" – and today,
reports suggest that Elisabeth Hasselbeck can't quite hack her outspoken co-host
either, and it's making her cry "every day." According to an inside source cited
by Rush & Molloy, Hasselbeck "gets so upset all the time" and "can't contain her feelings,"
thus leading to the daily river of tears, especially because "no one can control
Rosie." It seems that Ro's staunch (and strongly expressed) lefty political views are
just too much for the right-winged Elisabeth; indeed, "View" watchers have been waiting anxiously for the pair to really push each
others' buttons on such topics as gay marriage and the war in Iraq.

Tension between the two has certainly simmered on-camera, but Rosie's rep
maintains, as she did to TMZ, that everything is cool, and says that Elisabeth
"was at Rosie's house this weekend. They might not agree on politics but that's
what makes the show great." Oh, and there this: "The View's" ratings are up 59%
from the pre-Rosie era.

They aren't up because of her sparkling personality or that she has such a huge following. They are up because no one wants to miss the cat fight. It will happen. So everyone tunes in every morning and they sit and wait.... patiently... for the moment when all hell breaks loose and someone has had enough of Rosie's mouth and they lay her out all over the studio floor. Elisabeth just might be the one!

I wish what's her face hadn't replaced Katie on the Today Show and I certainly wonder 'what the #$#% were you thinking!?' when they put Rosie on The View!

Tuesday Lovin

To get the full nauseating special effect, please click on the image. ;)

Political Horndog

This morning on the way to work I was listening to my usual radio station and the topic of today was.... who says the word horny?

Apparently there is some sort of political figure that just recently got caught and is in the hot seat for sending sexual text messages to young messenger boys. In one of the messages he said 'do I make you horny?'

The group on the radio (of course in all the giggles) were saying that reading and/or hearing what he was saying to the kids made them feel 'dirty', but also.... who the hell uses horny? No one says horny anymore.

The only person I can think of that says horny, is Austin Powers.

Do I make ya horny, baby.... do I?

Let's Get Physical

Yesterday in the gym, I was entertained by two guys going through their workout routine together. The weight lifting portion was somewhat boring and lackluster but watching the leg exercises incorporated into their sprints around the indoor track was hilarious. Besides doing what can only be described as synchronized tango moves down the length of the green mat, they followed up with exaggerated skipping on the next lap. I could hardly stay on the treadmill I was chuckling so hard! :)

This reminded me of my own special workout partner (après darling Rick back at the multinational conglomerate prior to employment at Chaos College. I was originally slated to meet my dear buddy “"J" in the gleaming-surfaced facility, but she rudely stood me up for a male lunch date. As I gazed around the room debating my next move, "K1" sidled up to me and asked if I wanted to join him in exercising. I had recently started working in his section and really hadn’t gotten to know him well and this proved to be the perfect catalyst for our newfound Circe/K connection. Workout partners tend to become emotionally close and our relationship was no different. For the following year, no matter where on the complex I worked, we met outside the locker room after having changed into suitable attire, and weighed in together. Clad in my sexiest cleavage-prone black leotard, I spotted "K1" and he reciprocated in return. Though I doubted my ‘help’ in this particular area, he seemed to enjoy being the only male with a lithe, female companion in a room filled with serious weightlifters. I still remember how perturbed he was at me when I failed to show for our daily gruntfest the day after an overindulged Fourth of July. While our biceps bulged, our intimacy and closeness grew and I couldn’t imagine going 24 hours without seeing his GQ image or hearing his familiar voice. I know we occasionally talked on the phone outside of work but I turned down his persistent requests to fill the position of mistress. By the time I left for greener pastures, our time together had grown sporadic as he was sent out of town and even overseas occasionally. We didn’t keep in touch after my resignation and his transfer, but I heard he eventually quit the company and moved back to his home state of Kansas. I faithfully continued my trek to the gym but I never did replace him in terms of a workout partner. "K1" will forever remain in the unique position of having been the guy who prodded me, cajoled me, and made me sweat.

'Showin Sum Luv' Week

To kick off October, ‘Retarded Blinking Shit From Moronic Myspace Pages’ features the ever popular ShowinSumLove crap:

Monday Monday

2005’s BEST [fake] HEADLINES:

Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says
[No, really?]

Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers
[Now that's taking things a bit far!]

Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over
[What a guy!]

Miners Refuse to Work after Death
[No-good-for-nothing lazy so-and-so!]

Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant
[See if that works any better than a fair trial!]

War Dims Hope for Peace
[I can see where it might have that effect!]

If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile
[You think?]

Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures
[Who would have thought!]

Enfield (London) Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide
[They may be on to something!]

Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges
[You mean there's something stronger than duct tape?]

Man Struck By Lightning: Faces Battery Charge
[he probably IS the battery charge!]

New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group
[Weren't they fat enough?!]

Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas In Spacecraft
[That's what he gets for eating those beans!]

Kids Make Nutritious Snacks
[Taste like chicken?]

Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half
[Chainsaw Massacre all over again!]

Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors
[Boy, are they tall!]

And the winner is....
Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead

Rumination of the Day

The puppies I brought home for my kids were cute at first, but now that they keep loosing their teeth and spending all their time trying to fight or hump each other, they're just plain annoying. I guess it's my fault for adopting Jerry Springer Spaniels in the first place.

Tales from Sunny Isles

Florida wouldnt be Florida without a daily downpour of rain. The first pic was taken from our balcony overlooking the city. The next day, as normally would be expected, rain struck about 1:30 in the afternoon and it just so happened that we were across the street eating lunch. We had no choice but to hit the pavement - without an umbrella- and get back to the hotel. Here are pics of us as drowned monkey's.... and another photo taken from our balcony overlooking the rainy city.

RBS

And here is an example of sophistication and taste at its finest. So tell me...who might be attracted to this photo? A 3 yr old, a 5 yr old...or a 35 yr old? You be the judge...

Droppin the Kids off at the Pool

To get from my office to the other important offices (like payroll) I can go thru one of two doors. One leads thru the breakroom area and the other leads into the main hallway, however you pass thru an entryway that is also the mens bathroom entrance. So, you open a glass door, stand in a boxed in entryway and you can either go thru the next glass door to the hall way or turn and go into the mens bathroom.

Since the remodeling and 'boxing in' of this area this summer, there has been a nice ripe piss odor. I've learned to hold my breath before entering the area and not releasing or inhaling until i'm safely into the hallway. Not once has there been a problem or odor in the womens bathroom. Until this week.

I'm wondering if we have new employees that dont adhere to clean toilet policies or if someone is retaliating for some reason... but several times this week i've had incidences in the ladies room.

One day I walked in and the first stall I went to, still had remnants of The Hershey Squirts lingering - they needed to double, or triple flush. Another day, i was happily sitting on my potty when I got to listening to the chick in the stall next to me. Cough, sneeze, grunt, giggle, curl up paper, sneeze... i wanted to tell her it wasn't working... she wasnt covering anything up. She hopped up and went to the sink - still giggling and talking to someone... have NO idea who because it was just me and her and I wasnt uttering a word to her.

Today I go in the bathroom... the first stall had a floater and it had been there a while because it was beginning to melt *vomit in my throat*. I head to the second stall. Full of pee! I head to the third stall... bingo! It's a clean. I shut the door behind me and someone else walks in. She did the same thing I did because I could hear her go 'ugh!' and then 'oh man'... heads straight to the 4th stall.

That is just nasty... at least I havent stepped in pooh (yet) like I did at Chaos College. *vomit again*

Teddy Bear Trauma

Well gang, it’s finally Friday and it’s additionally payday! Woo hoo!!! Thought we would start off with the unpleasant news and shove it out of the way before moving on to other headlines. Before the end of this tempestuous workday, I promise to post our Friday example of Retarded Blinking Shit From Moronic Myspace Pages (RBSFMMP)!!

Killer Teddy Bear Behind Deaths of 2,500 Fish
"Stuffed animal was dropped into trout pool, clogged the flow of oxygen"

MILFORD, N.H. - A teddy bear has been implicated in 2,500 deaths. Of trout, that is. State officials say a teddy bear dropped into a pool at a Fish and Game Department hatchery earlier this month clogged a drain. The clog blocked the flow of oxygen to the pool and suffocated the fish. Hatcheries supervisor Robert Fawcett said the bear — a Paddington Bear dressed in yellow raincoat and hat — is believed to be the first stuffed bear to cause fatalities at the facility.

Attempts At Hot Sex With Ugly Wife Only Making Things Worse

Efforts by ugly couple Morris and Rita Campbell to revitalize their marriage have been thwarted by the pair's incontrovertible ugliness, as revealed by the very hot sex that they had hoped would inject a boost of energy into their fledgling sex life. Instead of a newfound zeal for each other and increased romance, Morris explained that the malaise of an a-sexual marriage has been replaced by repulsion at the thought of frequent intercourse, a sentiment that his wife concedes is mutual. "Sure, married life has been pretty boring lately, but that's better than horrifying, which is what it became when I caught a glimpse of my wife's weird and misshapen body when the moonlight hit her just right," said a disgusted Campbell. "She was amenable to my suggestion that we try something 'new', and it wasn't all that bad, until we tried doggy-style and I saw how bad her back-acne had gotten." Campbell compared the situation to trying to masturbate in a nursing home bathroom, and that he had to fake an orgasm for the first time in his life. "It was a humiliating experience for everyone involved, and I hope that it is not soon revisited," lamented the frustrated Campbell. Campbell's wife Rita echoed his sentiments, stating that endeavors to increase the passion in the room only aroused contempt between the two. "Don't ask my how it is that I came to be staring at his butt for half of [the sex], but I did and now I think I'm scarred for life," said the distraught spouse. "I wish I could call it a 'noble effort', but the damage is irreparable, and now every time I look at his face, I'm going to be thinking of the look he made while trying to concentrate on bringing himself to climax." Despite trying heretofore unattempted positions, mostly derived from the Campbells' pocket-sized Kama Sutra (won in the neighborhood '04 Christmas party), each proved to be more luckless than the previous. "I never knew that the back of someone's knee could smell so bad," lamented the male Campbell, declining to expound upon the statement. Both Campbells agreed independently that sex, if they ever have it again, is best done in a robotic, eyes-closed fashion, which they describe as "the secret to their success" before their disastrous attempts to introduce a little pleasure into their married life. Morris claims that, despite netting zero results thus far, that he and his wife are far from done trying ways to spice up their lives. Should vain attempts at passionate sex remain fruitless, Campbell is considering other fructifying remedies. "If the sex keeps striking out, I could always start drinking heavily," suggested the desperate husband. "Sometimes when I come home at night after [bowling] league and I've had a few, something happens that makes me think that maybe she's not all that bad, and that a romp in the sack would actually make me sleep better that night. Maybe drinking is the best thing for us." Other options that Morris is considering to help save his marriage include buying a fast car, going to counseling at the Catholic Church he and his wife attend, or having illicit relations with a mistress. "Saving my marriage might turn out to be a lot of fun," expressed an optimistic Morris.

Capricorn December 22 - January 19
As manager of a pet store, you've long suspected employees were flushing dead goldfish down the toilet. The poodles, on the other hand, will surprise you.

wtf?

OK home skillets, here's what I am assuming is a rhetorical question in 'Myspace Speak.' This makes you sound hip and cool I surmise....
(Hold me, I feel IQ points scampering away just for posting this *gulp*)

Goose Egg

It's not really a goose egg, but it's sore.

Tuesday night my sister met me at the gym and after logging miles on the treadmill and stairstepper, we hit the free weights. I had a bar laying on the floor - doing bicep curls - and she had walked around to get some hand weights. In an instant when I bent over to pick up my bar, she came laly-gaggin around me with weights in hand... just swinging them like it was a nice spring day and she was happy to be alive... and WHAMMO schmacked me in the head with her weight.

She heard the collision and gasped for air as she waited for my reaction. Me, being the drama queen that I am (proud of it), grabbed my head and started telling her it was bleeding and I had serious trauma to the head. She busts up laughing! Seriously, it was ok.... but today it's sore. There is a little bump... but its pretty sore. She's going again with me tonite and i'm going to coordinate her lifting so she is nowhere near me with those things. She's dangerous!

Multimedia message

New kids on the block

New Feature!

Kicking off a new feature on JFF entitled Retarded Blinking Shit From Moronic Myspace Pages is a tribute to Wednesday!

Erection is Up in the air

PROVIDENCE, R.I. - A former handyman from North Providence who won more
than $400,000 in a lawsuit over a malfunctioning penile implant may not get the
money after a judge dismissed his claim.

The implant has caused Lennon to have an erection for 10 years.

Lennon received the steel and plastic implant in 1996, about two years
before the impotence drug Viagra went on the market. The Dura-II is designed to
allow impotent men to position the penis upward for sex, then lower it.

But Lennon, 68, said he can't position his penis downward because the
device is "I'm suffering with it right now," he told The Providence Journal
during a recent interview. "It never stops. It's like a constant
headache."

Buaaahahahahah! Its a constant headache.
Why aren't there any pictures to go along with this article? There are always pictures. Did they get to view the evidence in court? Surely they each got a chance to view the evidence and guarantee with their own eyes that it in fact was faulty. Gosh, that would have been an interesting case to be on.....

Under the Influence

"Oh, Angie, Oh Angie, when will those dark clouds disappear
Angie, Angie where will it lead us from here
With no loving in our souls and no money in our coats
You can't say we're satisfied
But Angie, Angie, you can't say we never tried" --Rolling Stones

Last night, as I lay awake waiting for sleep to come, I got to thinking about my rowdy friend, Angie. Angie was a proud Canadian but had ended up in Cleveland thanks to her parent’s divorce and her mom relocating in the States. Her brothers were older and remained in their central home province. Her mom worked as a live-in housekeeper so they moved around quite a bit throughout the metro area in the time I knew her. We met at the tender age of 12 and though I possessed my own rebellious streak, she greatly exacerbated the situation. The basic premise of our teenage friendship was she was the sparkling star and I was the plain second banana who by default always got paired with the cute guy’s obnoxious, repulsive wingman.

Angie morphed into gorgeous the day she turned 12 and it was very much a love-hate relationship on my end as my already low self-esteem plummeted to nonexistent. I recall a lot of sleepovers and on one occasion, her and her mom accompanied my family on our annual vacation to the Outer Banks. Normally we’d bunk down in the narrow motel efficiencies huddled next to the pier but this time we stayed in the nicer cottages with considerably more breathing space. Our very first evening there I was told in no uncertain terms to not go walking on the pier, but what did Angie insist on us doing? Go walking on the pier. With trepidation I knuckled under and we instantly met two local guys who escorted us to a cozy nook under the pier. Benji and Angie hit it off immediately and a vigorous makeout session commenced. I cannot say the same for Bill and I as immediate dislike took hold and we glowered menacingly from a considerable distance. Bill decided to make the best of a bad situation and his physical advances were greeted with snarling, sharp words, and a flurry of sand vigorously kicked in his direction. I’m sure he regretted tangling with the petite Northern bitch with the cutting tongue. Parental units discovered our whereabouts and I got grounded for the rest of the trip! Thanks Angie! Besides that memorable start, I recall continuously scarfing down butterscotch morsels purchased by the bagful at the nearby store while we played the card game, War. To this day, my stomach clenches in alarm when any food substance includes these chewy little additions. (Stomachs have a long memory.)

I can’t begin to tell you all the times this wild child got me in hot water but though she played all sweet and innocent, my mom had her number from the get go and watched her like a hawk. It was probably for the best she never shared any educational institutions with me as things could have been much worse. Ms Jailbait was notorious for dating older guys and when she got miffed would report their age discrepancies to authorities resulting in their arrest and incarceration. Our last encounter was right before her 16th birthday and once again she was seeing an older male. I later heard she ran away with him and never knew what became of her. The mystery was finally solved when I met her brother who was passing through Oklahoma and he informed me she had married the man and had been living in Greater Cleveland all along. He passed along her phone number and not long after I gave her a call and we caught up on our diverse lives, even exchanging a few letters. A lot of water has flowed under the bridge and all has long been forgiven and forgotten, but I’ll never forget my troublemaking buddy, non-angelic, Angie. :)

And yes, that is a pic of the exact pier, Jeanette’s Pier...

Cry Me a River

“As she said these words her foot slipped, and in another moment, splash! she was up to her chin in salt water. Her first idea was that she had somehow fallen into the sea, 'and in that case I can go back by railway,' she said to herself. (Alice had been to the seaside once in her life, and had come to the general conclusion, that wherever you go to on the English coast you find a number of bathing machines in the sea, some children digging in the sand with wooden spades, then a row of lodging houses, and behind them a railway station.) However, she soon made out that she was in the pool of tears which she had wept when she was nine feet high.”

Sorry for my unusual silence this week but I endured a very soggy, saline weekend making me think I had landed the starring role in Alice in Wonderland. Remember the segment where she cries copious tears and then drinks from the bottle which she declares tasted like a mix of cherry-tart, custard, pineapple, roast turkey, toffee, and hot buttered toast (though I bet it tasted like beer), shrinking to a diminutive size thus floundering in a sea of her own salty tears? Well, that was me this weekend. :(

Issue 1 came up early Friday morning calling for further investigation. Accomplished in short order I, planned to discuss and communicate my concerns in a calm, collected manner. As usual, Mr Wonderful was several up on me in the Beer Dept. and while I quietly listened to his side of this matter, I took mental note of the many discrepancies he voiced. Then with no warning whatsoever, he proceeded to drop the sneaky diversionary Issue 2 Bombshell, sending me reeling with shock and disbelief into oblivion and temporarily averting the heat from the original Issue 1. For the first hour, I sat paralyzed, totally numb, and when the feeling returned to my limbs, the gushing waterfall commenced and continued without letup for 24 hours straight. Issue 1 was finally addressed on Saturday but my raw emotion seeped through and the weekend might pretty much be summed up as hellish as I alternately guzzled beer, sobbed, and spoke considerably more bluntly than my usual tactful self. I’ll be dearly paying for that for some time to come as one never speaks one’s true feelings on matters without endless repercussions. Sunday found me quiet but spent, feeling like a Mach truck had run over me repeatedly. Yesterday I was despondent and listless and dressed in synchronous black as I fought my emotional way back to the sunlight. I’m fine today, my usual cheerful self, and though nothing is resolved (it never is), the free fall has stopped and I can touch terra firma once again.

My preshus Kerbear just offered to help me hide the carcass. What are true friends for? :)

Weekend Updates...

Isn't that a Saturday Night Life skit? I haven't watched SNL in years. I miss the good ones when Eddie Murphy did Mr Rogers Neighborhood. ahaha

Anyways, I guess you can see I didnt get any Miami pictures on the site. I don't know where the weekend goes, but it sure doesnt allow me enough time to get done what I need to do. Friday night we took C and P to see Accepted - which is in NO WAY clean enough to be a rated PG-13 movie. I know with that rating, there is going to be some questionable material, but holy crap! the 'F' word was flying and tons of sexual enuendo's. They had to have rated it without watching the film. It was a good movie... but only for the dirty minded adults, not for sweet kiddos whose minds 'dont go there' yet!

Saturday was consumed with soccer games. My morning started early - 7:45am to be exact - with Spin class. Then after a quick shower and packing an ice chest, we headed out to spend the day at the soccer fields. P's team is really coming along and doing wonderfully. They were kicking some serious booty up to half, and then some player shuffle occured and things kinda went sour... but they still tied and played an awesome game! C scored a goal during his game *cheerleader move*... and they won!

Sunday, after lunch, we headed out to the State Fair to spend the last day trying to catch some of the rides and fattening fair good. It was busier than I expected and warmer too! My thoughts were 'if we spend two hours here that's plenty'. Five hours later..... I finally expressed my desire to leave the crowded arm pit smelly world of fun state fair and to my surprise my group agreed! I figured i'd have to fight to get to leave... but thankfully they too had sore feet and were getting frustrated by all the long lines (seems my lack of patience has worn off) so we got to go home!

We made it.... in time to watch the Season Premiere of Desperate Housewives. Yeah, baby! Its baaaaaaaaack!!!

Moments in the Sand

I wish i was still on the beach..

I hope to get more pictures up this weekend. It has been a really busy couple days at work and even busier when I get home, so maybe this weekend I can get some of our Miami pictures up. I think Richard will be putting all of them in our Album on our momma site.

Erotic Lustfulness

Do you have feelings of inadequacy? Do you suffer from shyness? Do you sometimes wish you were more assertive?

If you answered yes to any of these questions, ask your doctor or pharmacist about Tequila®.

Tequila® is the safe, natural way to feel better and more confident about yourself and your actions. Tequila® can help ease you out of your shyness and let you tell the world that you're ready and willing to do just about anything. You will notice the benefits of Tequila® almost immediately, and with a regimen of regular doses you can overcome any obstacles that prevent you from living the life you want to live. Shyness and awkwardness will be a thing of the past, and you will discover many talents you never knew you had. Stop hiding and start living, with Tequila®.

Tequila® may not be right for everyone. Women who are pregnant or nursing should not use Tequila®. However, women who wouldn't mind nursing or becoming pregnant are encouraged to try it. Side effects may include dizziness, nausea, vomiting, incarceration, erotic lustfulness, loss of motor control, loss of clothing, loss of money, loss of virginity, delusions of grandeur, table dancing, headache, dehydration, dry mouth, and a desire to sing Karaoke and play all-night rounds of Strip Poker, Truth Or Dare, and Naked Twister.

New liquor warning labels:

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
WARNING:
The consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell
happened to your bra and panties.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
WARNING:
The consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when
you are not.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
WARNING:
The consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like a retard.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
WARNING:
The consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell your friends over and
over again that you love them.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
WARNING:
The consumption of alcohol may cause you to think you can sing.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
WARNING:
The consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex-lovers are
really dying for you to telephone them at four in the morning.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
WARNING:
The consumption of alcohol may make you think you can logically converse with members of the opposite sex without spitting.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
WARNING:
The consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher,
smarter, faster and better looking than most people.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
WARNING:
The consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing
WITH you.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
WARNING:
The consumption of alcohol may cause pregnancy.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
WARNING:
The consumption of alcohol may be a major factor in getting your ass kicked

(thanks Patrick!)

Have a fabulous fall weekend!
smooches,
circe ;)

Multimedia message

Heading your way Tulsa

Rainy Day Randoms

Charlie Sheen Wants To Finish Career As A Cleveland Indian


Man Bites Panda in Beijing Zoo as Retribution
BEIJING - A drunken Chinese migrant worker jumped into a panda enclosure at the Beijing Zoo, was bitten by the bear and retaliated by chomping down on the animal’s back, state media said Wednesday. Zhang Xinyan, from the central province of Henan, drank four jugs of beer at a restaurant near the zoo before visiting Gu Gu the panda on Tuesday, the Beijing Morning Post said.

“He felt a sudden urge to touch the panda with his hand,” and jumped into the enclosure, the newspaper said. The panda, who was asleep, was startled and bit Zhang, 35, on the right leg, it said. Zhang got angry and kicked the panda, who then bit his other leg. A tussle ensued, the paper said.

The Topfive.com’s 5 Cartoon Character Pick-Up Lines

5> Porky Pig -- "L-L-Let's go back to my place and f-f-f-f-f-f-f-fu-f-f-fu... hump."

4> Popeye -- "I'm strong to the finish 'cause I takes Viagra!"

3> Pinocchio -- "Hey, I *am* a woody!"

2> Underdog -- "My heart is for you, my Polly, dear; You are pure and true, can I sniff your rear?"

1> Tweety Bird -- "I wuuuv to eat putty!"

Sagittarius November 22 - December 21
You used to think of yourself as your own harshest critic; sadly, it's becoming increasingly clear that you're fucking pathetic at that, too.

Dear Barbie,

Yesterday, we once again shared a noontime workout at the gym. Your preferred equipment seems to be the elliptical trainer and stationary bike, thereby lessening the chance of any unwanted eye contact. I am pretty sure you don’t know who I am but I do have the skinny on the notorious Ms Barbie as it can be difficult to avoid Podunkville’s gossip mill. I can understand your concern with getting your hourglass figure whipped back into shape what with having a baby and all. Sure, you’re still very young and there is no doubt your skin retains an abundance of collagen and elasticity enabling it to snap right back into place with minimal effort, but bearing a child can do a real number on a woman’s body. You probably can’t afford to let things start down that slippery slope to Saggyville thus giving him any reason to let his eyes wander—again. I mean, we both know what happened before. For whatever reason, she failed to hold his interest, but why put the brakes on your torrid affair? After all, it’s not like you held a gun (oh the irony) to his head and physically forced him to desert her. And you certainly deserved some flirtatious male attention after your ugly duckling phase of previous years. I’ve seen old unattractive pictures of you cuddling a sheep or pig or whatever at the county fair as you clawed your way through 4H ranks to blue ribbon bliss. But you moved past that and gloriously bloomed by college, snagging a coveted cheerleader slot and thus basking in sought after praise and hard won attention.

How you tenaciously hooked up with him is unknown to me but the solid fact is you did. Suffice to say he left her and took up with you--a younger, prettier, sexier female who triggered bragging rights, made a terrific arm ornament, and won the title of trophy wife. Today you are the proud mother of his new baby, facing adult responsibilities and the joys and sorrows that accompany that privilege. You have what she formerly had, filling the slot she vacated. But a strange thing happens when vivacious, exciting girlfriends morph into boring, sexless, vacuous wives. The permeating smell of spit up and baby poo along with the daily stress and tedium of living together wreaks havoc with romance. Screaming infants abruptly squelch romantic, candlelit dinners and cold, harsh reality seeps into every crevice of life. But at least you had a legitimate, open courtship to see you through the inevitable rough patches that accompany matrimony. Oh wait. You don’t have that to fall back on, do you? Though he left his spouse once, surely that aberration will never occur again. I mean, it’s not like it’s a pattern with him or anything, right? He’s with you, his soulmate, his dream girl, a changed man, deliriously happy and totally satisfied with the way things turned out.

Still, it wouldn’t hurt to firm up those jiggly thighs and work those flabby gluts. I mean, taking precautions with respect to ones looks is just showing caution, wisdom and foresight. No use giving him any excuse to notice a younger, newer model who would jump at the chance to take him for a test drive. You’re the one who wears his revered wedding ring and bears his honored name. No worries, right?

Multimedia message

He's doin nappy pooh on the beach.

Multimedia message

This is where we are today!

Sugar Sugar

On days when there isn’t one sweet morsel in the entire house, I have been known to head straight for the sugar bowl, or in my case, the Tupperware canister. Isn’t that weird? But I figure, what the heck, why not go right to the saccharine source and assuage this ‘sugar jones.’ Besides, it’s not like I just scoop out handfuls with my greedy fingers (I use a dainty spoon :) )

“Love’s a Bitch, Duck.”

Even though I’ve seen it numerous times and recently purchased it at discount on DVD, I am hopelessly devoted to “Pretty in Pink.” I pretty much love any John Hughes teen angst flick but I think this is my all time fav.

“Young Andie is one of the not-so-popular girls in high school. She usually hangs out with her friends Iona (Annie Potts) or Duckie (Jon Cryer). Duckie has always had a crush on her, but now she has met a new guy from school, Blane (Andrew McCarthy). He's one of the rich and popular guys but can the two worlds meet?”

The original ending to this film depicted Duckie getting the girl, however the test audiences said they would have preferred to see Blane win Andie's heart and so he does. Jon Cryer plays a funny, cute nerdy guy who upon getting shoved into the girl’s bathroom and spying a dispenser of unknown origin, loudly complains that the boys room doesn’t possess a candy machine. But as deep as Duckie’s devotion is, it’s easy to see how Andie could get the hots for vulnerable, sweet-smiling Andrew McCarthy, the ‘richy’ who tools around in a BMW. Blane’s best bud is Stef (James Spader), who Andie sees right through and treats him accordingly. On a tragic note, Alexa Kenin, who played her buddy Jena, was murdered in New York City just after making this movie (filmed in 1985), and the flick is dedicated to her memory.

Much like high school IRL, things come to a crucial climax at the prom when Andie goes solo while proudly wearing this hideously cobbled together creation she euphemistically refers to as a ‘dress.’ Nothing says sexy like a shapeless Pepto Bismo-hued burlap sack monstrosity replete with puffy sleeves and a matching cloth choker. Yikes! Blane states a painful truth to Stef when he says: “You couldn't buy her, though, that's what's killing you, isn't it? Stef? That's it, Stef. She thinks you're shit, and deep down, you know she's right.” Soon thereafter, Blane leans in and coos to Andie: “I love you. Always.” He exits the dance and Andie rushes out, flinging herself into his waiting arms as they passionately kiss in the dark, rain-slicked parking lot under the streetlamp's approving glow.

If you want to relive those teenage triangles of days gone by, run out and rent (or promptly place in your Netflix queue) this nostalgic salute to the 80s.

Rain Rain Go Away

It wouldn't be like Florida to not rain a bit every day. I've been to the sunny state many many times and yesterday was the first day that i've ever experienced an entire day with no rain. Today, was back to normal. Richard and I headed across the street for lunch in the nice hot sunshine (clouds way over there) and as we sat eating, rain started dumping. We thought we would wait for the downpour to let up, however it proved to be too time consuming as he had a meeting he had to get to. So.... we had to brave it. We had 6 lanes of traffic to cross, which means we stood and waited quite some time to get 'clearance' to paddle across (another game of Frogger).

We laughed so hard though... it would have topped it off if someone had driven by and splattered us with sheets of puddle water.

Richard hasnt made it one day without getting something on his clothes. Sunday, while on the plane, he spilled his coke on his jeans and also on the girl next to him who was napping and clueless as to what happened to her white skirt. It looked like he pee'd his pants. Monday, he got chocolate on his pants... looked like he poo'd. *giggle* Last night, he got steak sauce on his shirt - right smack dab in the middle where his belly button is. Today, he gets bar-b-q ribs for lunch and all dressed in white. I knew for sure he'd come out wearing the stuff and he almost had a mishap, but managed to save himself. He gets out of the restaurant spot free then has to hike across the street in pouring rain. He made it clear to me that this didnt count... he didnt do it. HAHAHAH

Sun Worshipping Monday

I hit the pool today. My intentions were to study for a test i'm fixing to take... however I spent the majority of my time chit chatting with other pool goers. I met a couple from New Jersey that were friendly and informative. Larry gave me some good tips on where to get the best steaks and seafood as well as wine. Tomorrow night they are headed down to South Beach to a Cuban restaurant and have invited Richard and I to join them. I'm not sure if we will... might, but I dont know. Sounds fun though!

Still Life

This weekend was the civilized art festival and though somewhat windy, the weather proved pleasant and cooperative. Our locality and surrounding area has some gifted talent and a suitable picture was purchased to hang over the bistro table. Another local artist crafts the most gorgeous pieces and often shows her skilled handiwork at Chaos College. Several years ago I bought a lovely vase she had for sale and was thrilled to see more of her excellent designs at the event. Sure enough, exquisite urns called to me from their burnished shelf and I selected a lovely piece to add to my collection. Other earthenware products I have long yearned to possess are handmade goblets. Several artists displayed them but I narrowed down my favorites and proudly purchased two medieval-looking drinking utensils. Possessions in hand, we bid farewell to this year’s fete and headed for the vehicle. Several live pics were posted Saturday afternoon to give one and all a taste of this enjoyable occasion.

Friday night we visited sis and bro-in-law and “J” decided this might be an opportune time to rummage through my petite yet overstuffed handbag to ascertain just what sisser feels compelled to lug around on a daily basis. He took great pleasure in pulling items out and remarking on them, taking particular pleasure in questioning what ‘drugs’ were contained in ambiguous cylinders. He also commented on the excessive amount of lip and eyeliners, the necessity of transporting cinnamon breath strips (I'll never tell), and just what that soft, fluffy white object was nestled in the corner? (It’s called a kleenex, J) Fortunately, all items passed this rigid inspection and nothing of a dubious, controversial nature was detected. Do I look stupid enough to carry around contraband? :) LOL

A solemn, semi-annual observance occurred this weekend as I participated in the traditional “Changing O the Box.” With mixed feelings I rummage through the unwieldy cardboard container and replace summer garments with winter attire and vice versa. Though still conformed to, the scale has been somewhat reduced thanks to the increased amount of clothing now slung across plastic hangers plus the additional use of another closet. Nevertheless, this remains a time-honored marking of the seasons in Circeville.

Today I’m on the receiving end of merciless harassment thanks to my team once again getting its butt kicked this past Sunday. To add insult to injury, my FFB team lost also. No place to go but up, eh?

Pisces February 19 - March 20
Even after having spent 25 years as a geologist, you still freeze up every time you meet someone at a party and they ask you which is your favorite stratum of the earth's crust.

Some Sites

Last night we headed to South Beach to check out the happenings - and oh my, there were happenings. Its wild and crazy. Clothing is optional and size doesnt matter. While having drinks and grabbing a bite to eat at Wet Willie's some crap started going down across the street and people came out of nowhere to watch, the police showed up and it was the craziest scene. Some girl laid into a guy... fight right there on the sidewalk and people gathered like it was free entertainment. About an hour later (one street over) we were walking along and whammo! Screams and hollaring and lots of violent language like "Danny! You F'd it up! You always F it up!" the situation was quickly approaching us so we darted across the street to avoid whatever altercation was fixing to take place. It's wild there... people everywhere and apparently last night wasn't even a busy night. A girl downstairs told us 'wait til thursday, friday and saturday!' The beach is so nice though. Headed to the pool... more later!

Miami Vice

We made it to Miami... no one speaks English here. Actually, I'm pretty sure we're not even in the United States anymore. They obviously don't require driver's license's or offer driving classes... you are just on your own. Pick it up and go, I guess. I met a couple in the elevator today and I walked down the street with them for lunch. They are from L.A. and come to Miami every year for work and they own some property here. They just dart out in the traffic like a game of Frogger. Mr L.A. said 'you arent used to this are you!?' Did the look on my face when they just jumped out in front of cars make it that obvious that i'm not a local!?

I also met a couple at the pool from New Jersey. I chatted with them most of the afternoon yesterday and they have invited us to join them at a Cuban restaurant in South Beach.

I also met a guy in the elevator that had just returned from a run and we got to chatting about the air, and how it's different in other parts of the country. Well, anyways... that not important. What is important is the fact that while i'm talking to him he reaches up and wipes sweat from his cheek and sucks it off his finger. *vomit in my throat* then he reaches up and gets more from his forehead and eats/drinks (whatever!) that too! *grabbing trashcan to blow chunks while I type this*. I coudnt look at him anymore. That is the grossest thing i've ever seen.... I have successfully avoided him since.

Sunset on South Beach, Florida

SOUTHBEACH