Friday, May 18, 2007

Freebie Friday

For the next few months, Chaos College goes to summer hours and though those initial four workdays are long, tedious, and wearisome, we are rewarded at the end of the week with the glorious gift of sleeping in, running errands and playing catch-up as we get a much appreciated jump on sultry, summery, suntastic three-day weekends. Hear hear!

I’m not at all sure he actually said this, but it was darn funny…

Jeff Foxworthy’s Views on Oklahoma

  • “If your local Dairy Queen is closed from September through May, you may live in Oklahoma.”
  • “If someone in a Home Depot store offers you assistance and they don't work there, you may live in Oklahoma.”
  • “If you've worn shorts and a parka at the same time, you may live in Oklahoma.”
  • “If you've had a lengthy telephone conversation with someone who dialed a wrong number, you may live in Oklahoma.” (TBC does this!)
  • “If "vacation" means going anywhere in Oklahoma City for the weekend, you may live in Oklahoma.”
  • “If you measure distance in hours, you may live in Oklahoma.”
  • “If you know several people who have hit a deer more than once, you may live in Oklahoma.” (guilty, guilty, guilty!)
  • “If you have switched from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day and back again, you may live in Oklahoma.”
  • “If you can drive 75 mph through 2 feet of snow during a raging blizzard without flinching, you may live in Oklahoma.”
  • “If you install security lights on your house and garage, but leave both unlocked, you may live in Oklahoma.”
  • “If you carry jumper cables in your car and your wife knows how to use them, you may live in Oklahoma.”
  • “If you design your kid's Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit, you may live in Oklahoma.” (applies to Ohio also)
  • “If the speed limit on the highway is 55 mph -- you're going 80 and everybody is passing you, you may live in Oklahoma.”
  • “If driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with snow, you may live in Oklahoma.”
  • “If you know all 4 seasons: almost winter, winter, still winter and road construction, you may live in Oklahoma.”
  • “If you find 10 degrees "a little chilly", you may live in Oklahoma.”

Thursday, May 17, 2007

The Stuff Dreams are Made Of

If I slept two hours last night, it's a miracle. For weeks I've tossed and turned and not been able to get in good pillow time, but last night tops it all. I should have just stayed up and not even attempted to get shut eye.

First of all, I was asleep, awake, asleep, awake, etc all night. During the awakes I got up and went to pee, got a drink of water, and settled back in. During one of my asleep stages, I had the most horrible nightmare.

I'm a big fan of Notes from the Underbelly and last night it was a double-header. I watched both. So, makes sense that I'd dream about the show..... right!?!? In my dream I'm watching the show... actually I'm in the show, but not acting. Just kind of standing to the side watching Cooper (she cracks me up!) get chatty with Andrew and Lauren and then all of a freakin' sudden she turns around with a huge daggar and starts stabbing everyone! Now it's turned comedy to horror! She nailed someone, but i'm unclear as to who it was... but in real-life Kerry-land i'm screaming!!! That wakes me up... wakes Richard up... he pats me (his quiet way of making it all better) and whispers 'was it a nightmare!?'

Like you'd never imagine!

I laid there trying to recover... then I heard a noise. I tried to assess the location, but couldnt quite figure out whether it was inside or outside or down the street, heck for all I know it was across town and my supersonic bionic ears picked it up! I never did get back to sleep... until about ten minutes before my alarm went off.

So i'm draggin' butt today.

Wednesday, May 16, 2007

Toxic Ties

I have long mulled over a post telling about my eccentric aunt but the course of events has taken a darker, ominous turn and my post must reflect this change and the irony is not lost that this past weekend was Mother’s Day. My cousin is dying of lung cancer and his ongoing acrimonious connection to his mean, hateful mother looks to end bleak and unresolved. I sit 1500 miles away, powerless to fix the unfixable, fervently wishing I could wave a magic wand and give him back the childhood he deserved and erase his understandable, deep-seated anger and resentment. And I cannot. Through snippets of conversations with my own mother (her younger sister) throughout the years, I heard many disturbing tales of my headstrong, stubborn, control-freak, iron-willed aunt. (This is the same spiteful woman that wound her phone cord around and around a kitchen chair (!!) so I wouldn’t use her phone line to dial into the net when we were out there visiting). Yeah. Her single-parent skills left much to be desired as she used him as an indentured servant, subject to her whims and demands, minus a loving father to offset her malevolent direction and buffer her bizarre actions. The origin of this royalty complex and sense of entitlement remains an unsolved mystery. It seems from Day One this willful firstborn child installed herself as The Queen, usurping her own mother’s rightful place in the family dynamics, lording it over her three lesser siblings. This diminutive dictator worshiped her father, detested her mother and wreaked havoc on all who crossed her path with her only child, my cousin, forever caught in the crossfire of a misdirected hate she never acknowledged. One can’t help but think of the total annihilation she would have caused a daughter considering the amount of psychic damage inflicted on her male child. His life has not been devoid of joy as he has a caring wife and children to offset her toxic rants and demeaning decrees. Hopefully they have repeatedly assured him of his exceeding value and worth, expressions never uttered from her self-centered mouth. Her verbal abuse is legendary and undiminished as her own mortality looms on the horizon. Through our last phone conversation, I discerned his continuing struggle to win her elusive love coupled with the very human desire for retaliatory paybacks. Yet one cannot help but wonder what early skewed misdeeds provoked this lifetime of unacceptable behavior? One is left to speculate on what shadowy skeletons she long ago stashed in her secret closet. His final finish line beckons and he withholds his fatal prognosis from her, never mentioning the disease that will inevitably take his life. It is a decision he has made and we honor that choice. No deathbed reconciliations are expected and my heart aches—for both. This is not the happily ever after ending one envisions for a parent-child bond and I am powerless to make it better. All I can do is assure him of his cousin’s enduring care and abiding affection. I love you, Ron. Always.

Tuesday, May 15, 2007

Rap Stars Girfriend

Here was tonight's scenerio:

P is sitting peacefully at the kitchen table eating his dinner, Richard is leaning over the counter watching us, and i'm bent over digging through the bottom of the refrigerator trying to find just one bottle of cold water to take with me to the gym.

All of a sudden, our peace is interrupted by:

*P singing in his greatest rapper voice* I like big butts and I can not lie... you other brotha's can't deny... when a girl walks in with a itty bitty waist and a round butt in your face... you know the rest.

I didn't hear him. What I did hear was Richard laughing his hiney off and saying "what did you say!?!" all the time knowing what P just sang. I jumped up and tuned in... realizing that I was bent over when he started singing that!!!

Me: P!!!! Were you singing that at my butt!?!?
P: NO MOM! *laughing hysterically to the point he can hardly breathe*
Me: I'm surprised you didn't start with 'Oh, my gawd, Becky! look at her butt!!'
Rich: Nope, he jumped right to the good part 'I like big butts....'

I'm glad these guys love me! lol

oh... and as a side note... correct me if i'm wrong but Reba McIntyre seems to have gotten new and improved boobies!

Monday, May 14, 2007

Pampered Pair

Saturday was a day of pampered beauty rituals for sis and me. Though I had made an appointment several months ago for us, my cosmetician had been forced to reschedule thanks to extensive allergies on her part but we couldn’t have picked a nicer alternate day had we tried. Unlike Mz Circe, sis is not as cosseted or indulgent with herself so I like to spoil her occasionally with items or treatments she would never think of buying/doing for herself. While she was enjoying her fantastic facial, I enlisted the idle nail tech to give me an unplanned manicure and then we switched places after our procedures concluded. It had been ages since I’d had any external nail pampering and what better way to while away free moments? (next time, pedicures) My color choice was Tango, a coral hue, and sis is now sporting a pretty mauve shade. After our enhancing treatments, we hit the mall and got a bite to eat followed by some carefree shopping. I broke down and replaced my mislaid Maraschino lipstick and sis found the perfect white jacket to go with her summery spaghetti-strapped dress. In Petco, I spied two adorable cat collars for BW but decided to hold off on purchasing for now. Our final stop was the thirst-satisfying coffee shop for some delicious ice-cold Granitas before wending our way home. Sunday was just as lovely and I topped the afternoon off by getting some much-needed mowing in before more rains contribute to further grassy growth. Hope your weekend was just as wonderful.

Sunday, May 13, 2007

Mom's Day

Me: being all excited because we're going to eat Sea food!

I hope everyone had a wonderful Mother's Day! Richard and the boys took me out to eat for Mom's Day. My pick.... and I picked Red Lobster. I hadnt eaten there for many years and sea food has been on my list of 'wants' for quite some time. P and I shared jumbo shrimp and crab legs while Richard and C dined on their fish and chicken. I also happened to score some chocolate (those boys know me all too well!) and a massage, pedicure, manicure... whatever I'd like at the spa.

Another pic of me before we left to eat (11 weeks preggers too)