Borat - The Movie

Last night we finally had a chance to go see Borat. Eric had told Richard that there was a few parts... well, one in particular that he couldn't believe he was watching, but he wouldn't divulge any details. We had no idea what we would see... but when that part came, we totally realized what he was talking about!

It was gross to see the chunky dude whackin to Pamela Anderson's picture in the Baywatch magazine, but it was even more grosser (is that a real word!?!?) to watch him wrestle Borat - totally butt naked! To watch flubber flouncing in the wind and nut sacks being shoved into another guys face and then watch as Borat was being forced to smell big dudes butthole (EEEWWWWW) while the guy sat on his face and said something to the effect of 'smell my ass' or 'lick my hole'. Heck I can't remember exactly what he said because we were too busy laughing and watching the whole circus act on the screen.

I'm so glad we sent P and C to see another movie. I hope I didn't ruin for anyone... but even though I shared just that little part, you still need to see it to get the whole effect. Oh my....

Go Buckeyes/Browns!

SATURDAY
11/18/2006
3:30 PM EST

Words of Advice

Ohio State fans are insane hooligans. Not all of them, of course. Not even most. But enough of them.This may sound like a hopelessly partisan statement, but let me explain. It has been known for many years that opposing fans, especially Michigan fans, get treated very badly in Columbus. Not only will you be cursed at, you may have beer or urine hurled at you. You may also be shoved or punched. If your car has Michigan license plates, the police will frequently ticket you for trumped-up infractions. I have not heard of these things happening with any regularity in Ann Arbor.This year, the University of Michigan sent an e-mail to fans traveling to Columbus. It reads like a State Department warning to tourists visiting a hostile Third World country. Some of the advice:

- Try carpooling to the game; if possible, drive a car with non-Michigan license plates.
- Keep your Michigan gear to a minimum, or wait until you are inside the stadium to display it.
- Stay with a group.
- Stay low-key; don't draw unnecessary attention to yourself.
- If verbally harassed by opposing fans, don't take the bait.
- Avoid High Street in Columbus.

Then on Sunday...


SUNDAY
11/19/2006
1:00 PM EST

I Found Your Old Pal, Sis....

OMG OMG OMG!!! I found someone on MySpace! I can't wait to tell my sista'. She is gonna crapola! *laughing hysterically*

I can not wait to tell Sheri who I found.... haha... it's one of her classmates and it's a hoot!!!

I can hear her gasping for air.... some silence... then bursts of laughter. *snicker*

Is this mean of me!?!? *giggle*

Spider Skirmish

Nothing went right yesterday and the cold and windy weather didn't help matters. I showed up for work with my attractive bloody left eye (broken blood vessel) and wearing a lovely ripped lavender sweater. And then things really plummeted downhill. Now I know I’m not the only one who occasionally comes unglued at work and unsheathes her sharpened claws but yesterday featured a Circe Meltdown of epic proportions. The first order of the day was the ongoing power struggle with the Spider right at the stroke of 8. As I have expounded upon in an earlier post, the Gossip Queen arrives promptly at 7 am, parks her rather plump posterior on one of our vacant chairs adjacent to my desk and eagerly awaits the arrivals of her cronies to trail in and join her in the morning gabfest. Chaos College’s workday commences at 8 am and in the perfect world, she would be seated at her desk in her building across campus ready to hit the ground running. Alas, this is not a perfect world. Chatting on the cell phone with sis, I rounded the corner to find the bull session in full swing. I threw my bag and purse on the desk and informed sis I wasn’t going to be able to hear her and flounced out in a huff as Gabby Bitch loudly declared, “well she’s pissed.” No shit, Sherlock! We go through this every week and you know very well how thrilled I am to see you first thing in the morning acting like this office is your personal domain. When I returned she was gone but the skirmish was far from over.

Indian Tacos were sold in the lounge and I knew she’d be over to gobble her quota. Sure enough, before noon I glimpsed her ambling down the hall in anticipation of consuming these gastronomic delicacies. I left for the gym and upon returning found her coat still slung over the rack waiting for its lazy owner to retrieve it. At 2:20 pm she finally decided it might be time to end her prolonged 2 ½ hour lunch and wandered in. By this time, I was feeling ashamed of my unprofessional hissy fit, decided to let bygones be bygones, smiled pleasantly and greeted her. And what was her reaction? I got a glare and silence for my efforts. Fine! Around 4 pm I was proofreading a document when my peripheral vision glimpsed her again entering my area in search of the Grand Poobah’s signature for her timesheet. (Oh, the irony). Never looking up, I squelched questioning her on her honesty regarding her lengthy noon break. Knowing precisely where boss lady had headed, I vowed to not offer the info without being asked and the inquiry never came.

I haven’t seen her today and doubt she’s even here as she is strictly part time. Her friends are glaring at me today so I know my "unfair overreaction' has made the rounds. Fortunately we have a three-day workweek coming up and I think it wouldn't be an exaggeration to say we all long for this much needed break from our work playmates. The saga continues...

Hard Day at Work

It was freezing cold today and I've yet to warm up.

I got to spend part of the morning and most of the afternoon at a Technology conference. I sat in on a presentation about blogging in the workplace and how beneficial it can be for the employees and for business... and alot of other things that I pretty much already knew. Richard and I then made a mad dash to the Happy 45 minutes in the main Vendor area. They were doing door prizes so we stood and listened for our names. They were giving away IPod Nano's and tons of other really cool toys! I noticed that everyone seemed to have a funny looking glass of 'pop'. I surveyed the room... and the glasses... and finally found the cash bar! They weren't kidding about Happy 45 minutes! I thought for sure it would be cookies and coke/water/tea - you know, the usual. I, of all people, should know that techies do hospitality up right!

However.... our previous session ran too long and we didn't make it in time. The cash bar closed before we could get anything to drink - and that included a diet coke. We somehow managed to make it thru our next session where our poor presenter (President and Founder of the company) had to present with no mic (batteries ran down) and battling all kinds of background noise because they were tearing down the displays before the thing was even over.

All that to say..... it was cold inside too! It was freezing outside and inside the Cox Convention Center it was freezing cold... just minus the wind. I came home and made a big pot of chili (which the fam just loves cuz I rock at making it :) ) and headed to the gym for an hour of cardio to warm up. I can't wait to curl my freezing toes around Richards warm legs *giggle* He likes it best when I wait til the little moment when he's just about to doze off to sleep and then I hit him with my 10 little ice cubes *giggle*

Twist of Fate

Something I’ve been meaning to discuss is the ongoing problem of countless accidents we rural people encounter from morons who fail to negotiate obvious and clearly posted turns on the country roads leading to and from the boonies. What seems to be the problem, people? It’s not like the signs are hidden just to trick you and then all of the sudden, SURPRISE! an unexpected bend jumps out causing untold grief as you lose control and swerve wildly to avoid smacking into the fence just waiting to mangle your precious car (and sometimes you) all to bits.

There are several choices of road I can take to work and yesterday sis was in the lead by a few miles as we made our way to our respective employers. As we yakked on the cell, she informed me there were skid marks and a lone car grill stuck in a large bale of hale at the first sharp curve. Sure enough, some idiot had missed the turn completely and his vehicle became one with Straw City. Mr Excellent Driver managed to make it five miles further up the road before abandoning his dented POS pickup and hoofing it to the main highway. There it sat, abandoned, forlorn and grill-less as responsible working people of the world discussed his predicament on their morning commute. By the return trip home, no trace could be found of either one. I mentioned this incident to TBC last night and we compared notes. Apparently this accident had occurred on Sunday afternoon in broad daylight not long before TBC observed a skinny, unkempt individual swiftly walking away from said vehicle. My guess is this upstanding member of society had been high and/or drunk and could easily have found his sorry ass in jail had the cops been called. It doesn’t help that country roads are fine places to drink and drive while blithely tossing empty bottles out of the window with reckless regularity. We even offer a neighboring drug dealer to meet your hallucinogenic needs. (Our motto: you bring the booze, we’ll front the pharmaceuticals). Needless to say, this adds to the plethora of wrecks that may be found on our crafty corners.

There are two specific areas that tend to trip up the majority of visitors: 1) At what I affectionately call 'the zigzag' in the middle of my road and 2) the “Y” where two nearby lanes break off and head in perpendicular directions. The homeowners near either of these hot spots have long given up keeping their fences intact as they can count on having them run through on a regular basis. For the most part, the accidents haven’t been fatal with one exception. One pleasant early fall day two years ago, four joyriding teenagers traveling at a high rate of speed crashed into the large tree on the Y owner’s property and two were killed. As much as we like to poke fun at stupid, overindulging adults missing the turns, this was a sad, tragic crash that shouldn’t have happened. This hazardous area now posts more signs than ever in an effort to avert further tragedies. In conclusion, please drive carefully when traipsing through my neck of the woods as you may become the topic of local gossip and blog fodder.

Ho Kitty

While we love our little adopted darlings Oreo and Snickers (or as TBC calls them, "BW" and "YouToo") with their playful spirit and affectionate purrs, I’ve received disturbing news regarding the female that gave birth to them. My sister shares living space with this trampy little feline named Callie along with the remnants of her first motley brood. They were all in pretty pitiful shape when sis graciously consented to take them in and nurse them back to health. Now that Mz Welfare Kitty is back on her feet so to speak, she has returned to her wanton ways. This purring vixen seductively winks at any passing Tom and if that isn’t obvious enough, her little red light in the barn, mass distribution of catnip-scented business cards and late night booty calls to her many ardent suitors requesting a ‘date’ leave them in no doubt as to what this calico seductress has in mind. Thanks to her being unable to meow the word ‘no,’ she just recently delivered Batch No. 2, surpassing her first litter of 6 by two bringing the grand total to 8 and just like the initial crew, this assortment represents all colors, creeds, and ethnic origins. Yes, before Litter Numero Uno was out of Pampers or past training wheels, this equal opportunity huzbag has singlehandedly triggered a massive cat population explosion in Okiedokieland. Brother-in-law has warned me to expect a sneakily deposited purring package on my doorstep in the very near future…