Thursday, April 26, 2007

Smokey and The Bandit

Last weekend my sister got a brand new car. A nice shiney Red Monte Carlo....

Today she calls me and she's hysterical. You are never going to believe what just happened to me! No... I probably won't... go on, sis!

She explains, I really mean she screams with great profanity, that she was headed into a place to check on a job and realized she'd left a paper at home so she turned around in the parking lot to run back and get it and got pulled over. The officer said he pulled her over because he couldn't see her tag. It's a paper tag... in the window! Then he notices she's not wearing her seatbelt and asked if she has previous tickets for not wearing a seatbelt. She told him no. He asks for her license and registration and heads to the police car.

He spent 20 minutes in the car 'searching for things to nail me with, kerry!' He came back to her and told her ma'am, you told me you didnt have any previous tickets for not wearing a seatbelt.
Her: I dont.
Him: Our dispatch found four.
Her: Well, your dispatcher is wrong. I dont have any.
Him: Well we found four. You have four.
Her: When!?! When I was in high school!? Of course I had them then, but this is x number of years later and I have a clean record. I have nothing on my record!

He also proceeds to tell her she is uninsured... her insurance verification isnt for the right car.
Her: no, its for the car I just traded in, but my insurance company covers the new car for 30 days until they get me the new papers. I haven't gotten them yet.

He writes her a ticket for no seatbelt and writes her a ticket for being uninsured! She was furious...and she told him so!

Note: This is not a good time for a sweet older sister to say "Well, was he cute!?" This did not go over so well....
Her to me: NO!!! He had horseshoe hair and scraggly teeth and was in his late forties. In fact, I think I could have taken him!

I'm surprised she wasn't arrested.

I told her to call her insurance company and have them fax her a copy of the insurance verification and then go to the police station and ask to speak to his supervisor. She calls her insurance company, they fax a copy of the insurance and verify that she is covered and is for 30 days after the purchase and tell her to call the police station.

She calls the station and asks the dispatcher to put her through to the commanding officer on duty. She does.... and you will not believe this one... The guy that wrote her the tickets, answers the phone! He WAS the supervisor on duty! She laughed and then proceeded to tell him he was wrong in giving her the ticket for no insurance because she just got off the phone with her insurance company and they verified she's covered and its a federal thing... every insurance company covers you for a certain amount of time and he should have known that!

He apologizes and asks for a copy of the info... and he shreds the ticket. She still has the seatbelt ticket, but the jerk did get rid of the other ticket.

Lesson learned: Sometimes a pissed off sister doesn't have her sparkling personality and it's probably not best to make light of her crisis by asking if the jerkoff involved was cute :) oh, and wear your seatbelt.

Wednesday, April 25, 2007

We Didnt Even Get to Say Buh-Bye

It's a sad thing when a blogger buddy decides to call it quits... especially when the announcement comes out of nowhere! Today I had to remove a few old friends from our blog roll that i'd left linked to us for months after they'd stopped posting. It was sad to hit 'delete'.

Two more of our favorite blogs have announced their retirement effective immediately. Two in just three days! Is it spring fever? I can't hardly bring myself to delete them.... we will miss them so much! With the loss of those relationships comes new ones and Circe and I love to make new friends!

Best wishes to those of you who are moving on to other projects or taking a break!

Happy Administrative Professionals Day! (aka Sexy Sec’s Day)

No longer considered long-suffering, “get-me-some-coffee, pick-up-my-drycleaning, and-while-you-are-at-it-buy-my-wife’s-belated-birthday-gift,” ‘Girl Friday’ gofers, we have advanced to more worthy responsibilities and fancier titles. Basically, we still do a lot of the drudge work, but the demeaning crap has gone the way of the horse and buggy. At least, I hope it has. I recall in my tender, apple-cheeked, newbie years getting asked to sit on my boss’ lap (I declined), but that was long ago and far away and much has changed in the intervening years. Though still employed as an assistant, my duties no longer fall anywhere near the secretarial range and the Grand Poobah is a woman (though I realize lap-sitting could still be an issue). My haul so far has consisted of pretty balloons, gorgeous pink carnations from my dear buddy “L,” a very me, girly, pale pink watch, and a divine leather-bound copy of the complete works of William Shakespeare whereupon when presented to me, I shivered with anticipatory joy. Really! I love Shakespeare!!! Oh, and we also have a special lunch in our honor today. Alrighty! At any rate, to all those who serve others in some capacity or another, have a wonderful day and enjoy your plant/flowers/gifts/cards/balloons. I hereby salute you!

Tuesday, April 24, 2007

Green Acres

This past Saturday kicked off my mowing season and my elation was overwhelming and obvious. I’ve been eyeing our acreage for the past week weeks, silently urging those budding blades of grass (weeds) to push forth out of mother earth and reach for the stars while I evilly scheme to viciously chop their na├»ve little heads off. The winds were blowing but the air was balmy as I slapped on the sunscreen and rounded up my mandatory mowing gear. Sunglasses? Check. Earplugs? Check. Appropriate ensemble? Check. Chilled, thirst-quenching Genny? Double check! I threw a curveball to the male neighbors by donning a white t-shirt (with Chaos College logo) and navy, terrycloth capris but the attire will be more ogle-friendly as the days progress and further heating transpires. As it is still early in the season, bare spots were visible where growth hadn’t occurred and colorful weeds and ground morning glories have yet to make an appearance. Also, no snakes or lizards skittered away from my loud, voracious guillotine of death. The only wildlife encountered on the back forty thus far were a few yellow butterflies or possibly moths as I didn’t take the time to snatch one in midair, whip out a magnifying glass and examine his jiggly bits for proof of his insect status but after viewing this site, I’m thinking they were indeed butterflies. I look forward to another enjoyable summer combining satisfying work, warming sunlight, abundant brewskies and communing with nature in all its seasonal glory in the eagerly anticipated days ahead.

And yes, that does resemble my mower. :)

Monday, April 23, 2007

Baby Anxiety Maybe?

Now I know that supposedly when a girl is preggers they are supposed to have more vivid dreams but I have never experienced it.... until last night. Instead of dreaming, I've had trouble sleeping and pretty much just haven't slept in weeks.

I had the wildest dream!!!

I dreamt that I fondled Circe's boobies.

Did you read that Circe!??! You flopped your boobage out and I fondled your melons. They were bigger than I last remember and her nips were dark cherry red and rough for some reason. I remember thinking 'I need to get her some lotion'.

WHY WHY WHY!??!?

I even remember going to sleep holding them in my hand. WHY WHY WHY? Why was I even sleeping with Circe next to me and why was she offering her hooters to me to squeeze on?!!?

Breasts

To see breasts in your dream, symbolizes primal nourishment and your need to be nursed and care for. It represent motherhood, nurturance, and infantile dependency. Alternatively, breasts represents sexual arousal and raw energy.

Seeing naked breasts can also denote a feeling of exposure and invasion of privacy. In particular, for a woman, the dream may indicate anxieties about becoming a woman/mother