Friday, September 14, 2007

Guilty Pleasures

I know you all remember me telling you about my secret shame of watching Dr. 90210, but I stoop even lower than that. My guiltiest pleasure is watching Hef’s GFs in all their bosomy glory strut their very well-endowed stuff in the fluffy reality show, The Girls Next Door. You'll recognize them by the dollar signs they greedily exchanged for irises. Yes, I know it glorifies shallow, superficial appearances without a speck of tangible substance and yes, I feel the need to take a long, cleansing shower after each viewing, and yes, I sense my IQ plummeting much like a meteor hurtling toward earth, but there is something so crassly entertaining about watching this trio of young, nubile bleached-blondes parading around in scanty costumes readying themselves for the next glitzy blowout bash or trying to decide what to buy their 80-something coddled, codger “boyfriend” for Valentine’s Day/his geriatric birthday/Bastille Day. And lest I forget, the Valentine's Day episode featured the dogs, Winnie (a black something or other) and Duke (chihuahua) being squired around the grounds by chauffeur Holly for their 'romantic carriage ride.' Ummm, ok....In my opinion, Holly is the prettiest, Bridget the dumbest (and supposedly the smartest), and though Kendra glams up beautifully with the application of makeup, she's not all that spectacular facewise sans warpaint. The show pretty much flip flops along between these two “intellectual” premises. And though a mindless diversion and though I involuntarily shudder every time the feather-brained bimb, I mean smart, savvy ingĂ©nues give the geezer a peck on his leathery, withered lips, I continue to stare transfixed at the screen as I voyeuristically ponder the unspoken possibilities. Shaggingly speaking, do they do threesomes? Foursomes? Does it go by rotation? Drawing straws? Rock-paper-scissors? Picking a number out of the party hat? Do they occasionally indulge in strictly girl-on-girl action and gleefully lock the aged perv out of the Pleasuredome? And then I wonder what they’ve been willed/gifted/promised to willingly bump uglies with the decrepit King of Hedonism? Pardon me while I switch to the History Channel...

Thursday, September 13, 2007

That Time of Year Again

This weekend is a big event at our house! Richard's birthday!

Happy pre-Birthday, babydoll! I can't wait to see you Saturday! You see, Richard has been working all kinds of OT at work and has stayed buried in code all week. I'm hoping to drag him out for a bit on Saturday ;)

We went to our baby-birthin' class last night and we discovered that the breathing techniques are probably not going to work for us because a) Richard says he feels stupid and b) we get to laughing. The different labor positions probably aren't going to work much because a) I feel like a dork and b) we get to laughing. We may not be laughing much when those real contractions hit and if he even cracks a little laugh i'll hit him so hard that i'll knock that little giggle right out of him! Just bring on the epidural!

Wednesday, September 12, 2007

Obstruction Zone

The obstinate post I was working on for today unexpectedly departed for Microsoft Word 2007 heaven so hopefully my revised version fills the bill. Minor, petty things have been accumulating all this week and yes, I realize it’s only Wednesday. Already I’m in dire need of a serious attitude adjustment. Or a drink. Or both. The ladies upstairs bathroom has been out of commission for a week and a half now and there is no plumber in sight. I have called maintenance and even reminded the Exalted Poobah’s assistant to no avail. It isn’t that I mind traipsing down the stairs to the communal stalls (more exercise), but it’s the fact they keep the downstairs potties less than pristine and our "genteel scholars" have a heck of a time remembering to flush let alone place their used towels in the trash.

"Attention Ladies, and I'm using that term loosely here:
Please turn around and flush the toilet when you are through. Or reach back and hit the handle. Either way. Ok? Thank you."

But no, they would rather be dirty, little pigs. That don’t care. They are dirty, little pigs that don’t care. One never knows what eyeball-searing scene will greet ones peepers as one fearfully opens a stall door. It is positively vile. The faucet water reaches the sizzling temperature of “tepid” so after washing ones hands, doubt lingers while wondering if this heat is sufficient to kill those throngs of copulating germs.

Also, we just received a memo that starting tomorrow, yet another entrance will be blocked off. Why don’t they just get it over with and entomb staff in here like a body in a coffin forgodssakes?! Or better yet, just lock us out completely. I am really tired of trying to figure out new ways to enter or exit the premises with all this construction going on. Did they have to work on everything at once? Aren’t we violating stringent fire codes or something by now? And to top it off, I missed seeing Naked Guy on the Side of the Highway waving at passerby on Monday afternoon as he was long gone by 5 pm. Dang it!!!

Tuesday, September 11, 2007

Glamour Shots

You wanna see something just precious!!!???

Our lil Kerry Jr stretching her hamstrings! hehe

She had her feet in the way the entire time we tried to get a good picture of her. lol

Monday, September 10, 2007

I Want More

Did y'all watch the VMA's last night!?

Richard and I were out of town so we set the pre-show and the actual awards to record. I fast forwarded to the one little part I wanted to see... the Comeback of Britney Spears! I actually was interested in seeing if she even showed up! She's been scheduled for shows periodically in Vegas and has a terrible habit of being a no-show or performing horrendously. I had to see how this one went.

She showed, but obviously wasn't into it. It appeared as if she was scared.... stage fright almost. Maybe it was a bit overwhelming to her. Who knows. But the lip-synching was horrible and she even just stopped singing at one point... and then seemed to remember she was supposed to be singing. The choreography was like what a group of elementary school kids could do. Nothing fantastic. Nothing 'popping'. I also thought a few times that she seemed to stumble...

What happened to Chris Angel? Rumor had it they were going to perform together. Maybe at the last minute HE bailed and she was forced to throw together some performance?!?

Here's what I read this morning:

MTV Awards flourish despite Britney bomb
Today at 3:55 am

As in most train wrecks, it was hard to focus on just one thing as the Britney Spears disaster unfolded. There was just so much that went wrong.

Out-of-synch lip-synching. Lethargic movements that seemed choreographed by a dance instructor for a nursing home. The paunch in place of Spears' once-taut belly. At times she just stopped singing altogether, as if even she knew nothing could save her performance.

Designed to drum up excitement for her upcoming album, Spears' kickoff to the MTV Video Music Awards on Sunday night became another example of how far she has fallen. It would have been understandable if MTV's show had been crushed under the weight of the opening fiasco -- yet somehow it rebounded, and even flourished