Bikinis & Snowboots

Yes gang, the calendar shows the date of April 6 today and the rebellious sky is spitting out frozen drops of white here in Okieland! And it’s expected to continue off and on throughout the afternoon. After hitting dizzying heights of 70-80 degrees, the erratic pendulum has swung the other way. The latest snowfall I remember was on April 2 so a new record may have been broken. Guess I’ll dig out my arctic gear again from the depths of the cavernous cardboard box.

Tomorrow will mark the one year Sadaversary since my Esteemed Colleague deserted me for greener pastures. I miss her terribly but the one thing we can say for an absolute certainty is things forever change and never say never. Cryptic, but true. ;)

And though these conditions are not in the immediate forecast (so far) for this week, I thought it would do us all good to review our handy dandy Tornado Tips during our spring storm season:

Tornado Safety
Spring is tornado season. The National Weather Service recommends taking these safety measures:

1. In the event of a tornado, lie down in a ditch. If you are already lying in a ditch, do not attempt to sit up.
2. The most important thing is to stay calm. This will be difficult, since you are almost certainly going to die.
3. Tornadoes spook easily. Firing a few warning shots into the air is usually enough to scare them off.
4. Live a little for once: Strap yourself to the roof of your house and rage at the heavens.
5. Prevent tornadoes before they happen: Make sure that warm, moist air fronts do not converge with cool, dry ones.
6. During a tornado, the only safe place is in my loving arms. Come here, baby.
7. If a tornado strikes your home, even your basement could be dangerous, so construct a basement for your basement.
8. If you spot a tornado, always remember to point at it, yell “tornado!,” and run like hell.

Call the Fire Department

Men are so transparent. They think they are being sneaky or 'pulling one over on ya' but little do they know that you know. It cracks me up to watch them try to be so smart. HAHAHA They think they are getting away with something. HAHAHA
That's all i'm going to say about that....

Tomorrow is my birthday! As Circe pointed out, the day also marks the one year anniversary of my last day at Chaos College. Although I miss her dearly, I have not one time missed that place. I loved my job and I miss my friends, but my headaches and stomache ache and general depressed feeling has been gone for a year now. *happy dance* This blog has been good for us... we've been able to keep in touch and be our evil little selves via technology. *bigger happy dance*.

Tonite my parents are taking me out for my birthday, and tomorrow has been declared Kerry Day, so we get to do whatever I want. Which means, soccer games. haha Richard is taking me out to dinner and I've announced I want to go see Blades of Glory with Will Ferrel. I also want to see I Think I love My Wife and Richard wants to see 300, so maybe we'll just make it a movie night.

It's also supposed to be pretty chilly tomorrow... high's in the 40's and a chance of snow! So its a perfect day/night for 'movie night'.

Happy Birthday to me!

Soccer Woes

We're big soccer fans and all week long we practice, then every weekend we're consumed with game after game after game. Last weekend was perfect weather. I sat and watched C play, chatted with other parents and worked on some tannage. It's been nice weather... til today. It's only in the 50's and the forecast is even suggesting maybe snow possibilites for saturday... the high's in the 40's. We have soccer games scheduled!

There is nothing worse than attending a soccer game in the freezing cold... PLUS the wind chill makes it feel like 30 below. When you're out on soccer fields there are no trees or buildings to block the Oklahoma winds. This is so gonna suck.

Zombies & Hookers

Yesterday our hallowed halls hosted the annual academic contest and once again our campus swarmed with scholarly children in anxious pursuit of that coveted mass-produced certificate I kick out from my trusty printer. Or maybe they actually hope to garner first or second prize in their area of expertise and snag a scholarship to our worthy institution. Though failing to obtain our usual conference room thanks to the shake-ups in workplace locales, we hunkered down in my reception area and did processing duty. Things went quite smoothly and the kiddos departed by late afternoon.

A soon-to-be-departing faculty member enjoys passing by my desk daily and razzing me about my intent, prissy typing and how my evil red VM button is forever lit revealing to one and all my gross dereliction of duties! (Whatever, T!) Anyway, when he popped his head in this morning he asked if I’d like a part in his new movie and I had the choice of zombie or hooker. Hmm, wonder which character I am more suitable for…

It’s funny how things work out sometimes. Doors open and close with wild abandon and without warning, loudly slam tightly shut and lock behind you. And though fully aware of the reason, it still deeply and painfully breaks your heart and echoes in your soul. And the agonizingly slow mourning process begins. Sometimes all we can do is hope and pray our essence will live on in the special secret place nestled deep in a friend’s heart. Till our paths cross again, “ciao bella.” *blows kiss to the north wind*

Vegas Recreation

Richard and I, along with a few more friends, are heading out to Vegas in May and I've been trying to figure out which show(s) I want to take him to. I've seen Blue Man Group, Fantasy, Stomp, and Stars on Ice. We both love comedy, and and hypnotists always sound like fun but I don't want to be one of the people that get sucked out of the audience and put onstage.... so that kinda makes me skiddish. I think he'd enjoy Stripper 101, Bite, Crazy Girls (I'm trying to talk him into Thunder From Down Under... *giggle*).

I just can't decide. There are so many choices!

Bright Lights, Big City

I had a very busy weekend with R & R not being any part of the equation. Saturday, sis and I went to T-Town for a scrumptious Italian cooking class using gallons of butter and wine (definitely not for the diet-conscious). This place has a store out front which sells cooking implements and an enormous utensil-laden kitchen for holding classes. Our instructor was entertaining and knowledgeable and the approximately 20 in attendance had an enjoyable afternoon watching and eating her delicious creations. The time flew and before we knew it, our gastronomic journey ended. I purchased her cookbook, had it personally signed, and sis and I have definite plans to recreate this heavenly repast for the men.

We also picked up some fledgling trees from sis’ sis-in-law and I got to meet her mentally-challenged cat, Tabitha. She reminded me so much of Spikey what with her attractive looks and pissy demeanor. Home Depot was also on the agenda and we had fun wandering its home improvement aisles. I am always drawn to the twinkling lights and had several gorgeous chandeliers picked out for my wish list before we vacated the premises.

Unable to pass up a visit to the appealing mall, I had my list ready for items I adore but am unable to find in Podunkville. We zipped around the place as I hit the stores scooping up my needed (ok, wanted) articles. One window display that stopped us in our tracks was the most gorgeous, sexy, fairy tale vision of enchanting feminine loveliness in the guise of a white prom dress. Barbie dolls should wear this exquisite creation. It was the most beautiful outfit I have ever seen and I just wish I had whipped out the phone and snapped it’s pic for your nodding approval. *deep sigh* Skipping the arousing lingerie, I found my beloved, sweet-scented body cream in VS and grabbed a bottle of my all-time favorite silky skin lotion at The Body Shop. Checking the sales at Dillards (yes Ker, I used the bathroom and it wasn’t particularly clean) I came up empty but found the perfect shoes to go with my khaki skirt in Payless. The highlight of our adventure occurred in this store when sis received an unexpected text message from an unknown number that simply said, “boobies.” I could hear her laughing her butt off in the other aisle but had no idea what had caused this fit of hilarity. When I found her she showed me the message and said she had texted back, “wrong number!” and had received a sheepish reply of “k.” I told her I would more likely have come back with the sassy retort of “cooters!” ;)

Sometimes We Get Screwed

This just irritates me.

It's true...

At one of my previous employers I was told (by the next dog in line) that women were paid according to what their husbands made. That just pissed me off. Its none of their business what your hubby makes AND he's not doing your job!

But here's what the article says to do:

1. Research the going rates in your field, by checking out salary ranges in want ads and on Web sites like salary.com. Then ask for the high end of the spectrum. It's easier to negotiate down than up.

2. "No" often means "Not now." Even if a pay hike just isn't in the budget at the moment, that doesn't mean it never will be. Don't get discouraged.

3. Negotiate more than plain dollars and cents. Your total compensation might include other items you may want more of, like performance bonuses, profit sharing, paid time off, flexible work hours, tuition reimbursement, and club memberships.

4. Act confident (even if you don't feel it). Communicate with authority. "Perceived confidence has a big impact," Stanny says.

5. Remember, the best time to negotiate is when you have other offers.

6. Have points prepared and build a case around your value and what you bring to the company.

Regardless of who I work for now and in the future.. I will never discuss my husbands job or pay. Ever. Not all men pay women unfairly, but I'm not taking that chance.

We Got It Done!

We saw Larry The Cable Guy.

Despite torrential.... and I mean torrential... downpours, we met Bren and Wayne at the Brewery for dinner and drinks and then headed over to catch the act. Larry (is that his real name? We had a big discussion about that because Ron White is Ron White's name and he uses it... so is Larry's name - Larry?) had an opening act and I wish I could remember the guys name because he was really funny! I'll snoop around and see if I can find out who it was, he's worth watching if you ever have the chance.

He introduced Larry TCG and the crowd went nuts! Our seats were directly in front of the stage, but in the stadium seats (not on the floor), so he looked a little tiny to us. However they had two big screen's you could also look at - which is what I watched most of the time. He was hilarious. He came waltzing out in his plaid shirt with cut off sleeves and jeans, baseball cap and bottle of water. Bren and I were screaming with everyone else... Richard was just looking at me (like i'm crazy) and Wayne was, well i'm not sure what Wayne was doing.

I've seen lots of concerts and a couple of famous people, but it was different when he came out. It was like we were finally seeing Larry The Cable Guy!!! This giant, huge, famous movie star who is unreachable, untouchable, almost a figment of our imagination and now he's here! He's real! and we're with him!!!

He has a new baby.... so you know where some of the jokes went. hahahaha. I think he might have gained some empathy weight. Not sure... just a hunch. He seemed tubbier than in the movie or DVD i've watched of him. *giggle*