Friday, April 06, 2007

Bikinis & Snowboots

Yes gang, the calendar shows the date of April 6 today and the rebellious sky is spitting out frozen drops of white here in Okieland! And it’s expected to continue off and on throughout the afternoon. After hitting dizzying heights of 70-80 degrees, the erratic pendulum has swung the other way. The latest snowfall I remember was on April 2 so a new record may have been broken. Guess I’ll dig out my arctic gear again from the depths of the cavernous cardboard box.

Tomorrow will mark the one year Sadaversary since my Esteemed Colleague deserted me for greener pastures. I miss her terribly but the one thing we can say for an absolute certainty is things forever change and never say never. Cryptic, but true. ;)

And though these conditions are not in the immediate forecast (so far) for this week, I thought it would do us all good to review our handy dandy Tornado Tips during our spring storm season:

Tornado Safety
Spring is tornado season. The National Weather Service recommends taking these safety measures:

1. In the event of a tornado, lie down in a ditch. If you are already lying in a ditch, do not attempt to sit up.
2. The most important thing is to stay calm. This will be difficult, since you are almost certainly going to die.
3. Tornadoes spook easily. Firing a few warning shots into the air is usually enough to scare them off.
4. Live a little for once: Strap yourself to the roof of your house and rage at the heavens.
5. Prevent tornadoes before they happen: Make sure that warm, moist air fronts do not converge with cool, dry ones.
6. During a tornado, the only safe place is in my loving arms. Come here, baby.
7. If a tornado strikes your home, even your basement could be dangerous, so construct a basement for your basement.
8. If you spot a tornado, always remember to point at it, yell “tornado!,” and run like hell.

3 comments:

thephoenixnyc said...

hahahaha that's great

Maybe I should write a warning guid efor the arrival of Spring in New York -

i.e. - never enter the subway without a clothespin for your nose, unless you REALLY love the smell of urine

Traveling Chica said...

Those are great. :)

Burg said...

Excellent!

I'll print these tips and hang them on the fridge in case of a tornado emergency!

BTW, do you think I should don my pink bath robe, dirty bunny slippers, and sponge rollers before the storm or after? I want to make sure I look real purty for my interview with the news crew!