Friday, October 06, 2006

"Do I make you a little horny?"

The Topfive.com’s Ten Signs You're About to Be Dumped

10> "I think we should start seeing other people. And by 'we,' I mean 'I.' And by 'should,' I mean 'have been.' And by 'other people,' I mean 'your best friend.' I'll let you figure out what 'seeing' means."

9> On his return visit to the show, your beau jumps up and down on Oprah herself.

8> You ask your Magic 8 Ball if she's going to dump you and it says, "Signs point to a prolonged period of masturbation, Loser McDumpy."

7> You're pretty sure "Adios, bitch!" wasn't really the answer to every question on last night's "Jeopardy!"

6> She's removed you from her friends list on MySpace and her buddy list on AIM, and is currently attacking her tattoo with a cheese grater.

5> Your girlfriend changes her screen name from Suzie1981 to SuzieLez1981.

4> She keeps having strange men come in to try out your butt-groove on the couch.

3> She calls out another guy's name while making love.
To that other guy.
In your car.
While you're driving them to the airport.

2> She sits you down and starts the classic "It's not you, it's me" speech with, "It's YOU, asshole!!! All you, you, you, you, you! Oh, my God, it is soooooooo YOU!!"

1> "Hi, this is Dan at the suicide hotline. Just checking in. Feel free to call back anytime."

Aries March 21 - April 19
A whirlwind office romance will bloom today between you and that stunning spreadsheet that tracks all funded programs, their revenue sources, and the deductible services they provide.

I hope to mo-blog from Oktoberfest tomorrow and next week I will showcase ‘SEXY blinky crap’ for your eyeball-searing enjoyment. (You are wetting your ruffly panties in anticipation, I can tell…)
Have a terrific fall weekend...
Ciao darings! ;)

1 comment:

Traveling Chica said...

This was great. :) I hope to god I can read a sign like one of those without someone telling me, but just in case, I've been forwarned.