I Shaved my Legs for THIS?

First thing this morning by boss caught me with 'I need to speak to you'. Even though I knew nothing could possibly be wrong I still got this knot in the pit of my stomach and headed off to his office with him. He proceeded to ask me about the opening I have in my department and how the application process is going. Then, he hands me a piece of paper... I had been selected for a random breath alcohol test.

I hate those things! It's the biggest pain in the butt and I know I'm going to pass so I just don't know why they won't take my word for it. I also express all this to him... to which he laughs. haha

After our impromptu meeting I took off for the medical clinic and thinking since it's first thing in the morning and only 15 minutes after they have opened, this won't take long. Wrong. I signed in and took a seat next to a mechanic looking guy. This clinic is in the heart of Skanksville America where its probably possible to contract cooties simply by parking in the parking lot, however it's the clinic that works with the company's insurance... so here we are. Anyways, the seat by the mechanic guy looked the cleanest and the least threatening.

He coughed and girggled, I tried to watch a little bit of tv (but it hurt my neck too bad to crank it so far to the right) but found it more comforting to play with my cell phone. I logged into Yahoo! chatter and yacked away with a friend from Chaos College, text messaged my sweetie while he slaved away at work, and made a few phone calls to vendors and to the techs back at the office. This whole time mechanic guy is watching over my shoulder and I could sense him wanting to talk to me.

Sure enough he chimes in with this wait is taking forever. I certainly have a response to that, so I spark a little conversation with him. We chat a bit and I learn all about his two Harley's and two Honda's and the poker runs when he gets called to the back (lucky dog). Shortly afterwards, secretary girl deeply in need of a haircut, color job and use of much less mousse, calls my name. I have to leave a copy of my license and sign a few papers saying something... I turn to take my seat and some fat @#^%@#%@*% has taken it! The only and I mean the only place to sit is smack dab in the middle of two huge, dirty, nasty meanass looking gargantuan men!

I took a deep breath and nestled my tiny butt on about 1/2 inch of chair... being very careful not to scoot back so I didn't feel so squished amongst them. I prayed silently for God to please call my name... please send little nurse lady or short dark guy to call my name! I want to do this drug test NOW!

I peeled the label off my water bottle, picked at my finger nails, text messaged, tinkered with my shoes... anything to lean forward and stay busy!

Finally, little nurse lady called my name and with zero hesitation I was up and thru that door. Gleefully (too much for my irritated taste this morning) lead me thru all the hallways to her office where I would perform an alcohol BJ. On the wall was a sign about the BJ's they perform. Do you seriously think they dont get what that says?!?!? or am I the only dirty minded one? I blew and passed. I knew I would.

She asked if I had to wait long. My opportunity, and I took it. I told her how it had been over 2 hours and its a nasty mess out there. Of course the answer is always 'we're working short handed'... as was her answer. They had scheduled 12 to work and only 7 showed. That is too dang long to wait to do a breathilizer. After waiting in that room... its a wonder I didnt blow something... fumes, body oder, foot fungus, something of some sort.