Spring in Our Step

I am so enjoying the warm weather we’ve been experiencing these past several weeks. Of course, this month is known for coming in like a lion and going out like a lamb so changes could easily occur throughout this designated time frame. Everyone is thrilled to pieces that Spring Break is right around the corner (next week) which explains all the loose end tying before we bid our students a fond adieu and kick their sorry asses out the door. I have been really diligent about working out at noon but I foresee a huge downhill slide to Flaccid Muscleville as my lunch hours are pretty well booked what with departmental lunches and a much anticipated hair appointment. Nevertheless, I hope to take advantage of this extended pleasant weather and do a lot of outdoor walking to stay in shape. I’ll need it considering all the gastronomic goody-baking I hope to accomplish. :)

Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby (2006)

“Lifelong friends and national idols Ricky Bobby (Will Ferrell) and Cal Naughton Jr. (John C. Reilly) have earned their NASCAR stripes with their uncanny knack of finishing races in the 1^st and 2^nd slots, respectively. But when rival French driver Jean Girard (Sacha Baron Cohen) coasts onto the track to challenge the duo, they’ll have to floor it to retain their status as top dogs.”

If Will Ferrell is in it, one can count of sophomoric humor, but all in all this was a funny movie. Though not a NASCAR aficionado, even I was caught up in the roar of the revving engines and the relentless drive to be Number 1. *makes zoomy noises*

He Did What???

While yanking K’s brown strands through the frosting cap yesterday, she stunned the bajibbies out of me by letting a long-concealed cat out of the proverbial bag. (So of course I’m sharing it with you.) Now I realize I’m about as vanilla and white bread as they come and most people would shrug this off as not worth a second thought, but this juicy (haha) revelation sent me reeling through space and time and I was barely able to stay upright and continue Tress Duty. It all started with a discussion of Scrubs and how much we are enjoying catching up by sequentially viewing it on disc. K mentioned how hilarious the ass-box episode was and I added that I was sure every hospital could chime in with horror stories of its own. Apparently, Podunkville would be included in this roster thanks to our close, personal friend, M. It seems about five years ago he was experimenting with a sex toy in the wee hours of the night in the privacy of his bedroom and got the petulant device stuck up his rather large, pasty white ass. Still vibrating. An embedded, pulsating, quivering dildo crammed up the ole poopshoot. Oh.My.God. Not wanting to ‘disturb’ his sleeping parental units, he drove himself to the ER to undergo the painful separation procedure, not forgetting to ask for the contraption back. Thanks to sedation, he was forced to call his best friend’s wife to retrieve him from said institution and rather than admit to this embarrassing predicament he fobbed it off as having suddenly experienced a blockage of sorts thus necessitating this hush-hush outing. Now he might have gotten away with it but as the "Irony gods" were gaily watching over this ticklish situation, this was not to be. The reason his best friend’s wife was the designated driver was that her spouse was working the night shift and his coworker just happened to be married to the ER nurse on duty that fateful night. Oh yeah. The characters involved carefully kept the tale under lock and key but now we know the real story....Stylists are privy to the tastiest tidbits, aren't they? ;)

Cow Pokes

Saturday was a jammed packed day of activities at my house. We began at 8am with soccer and finished up with that shortly after lunch. Then met Richard's family for his sister's birthday bash/dinner and promptly wrapped that up to run off with my sister to the Rodeo.

I am not the Rodeo type, nor are any of my friends or immediate family, but Sheri got these tickets from a friend of hers.... we thought we'd go and have a great time doing something new!

We finally found the place (thank God for Google Maps), got parked and started making the hike thru all the big mondo trucks to the arena. The 'aroma' was not like chocolate chip cookies baking on a warm spring day. No, this was more like pooh... no... it was more like baked pooh.

Our first stop was at the bathroom - where Sheri and I had to do a Glamour Shot to record this moment in history. Our first (and last) stop at the Rodeo bathroom.


Richard and P waited (im)patiently outside for us.


Our seats were on the opposite side of the arena, and it took us three college graduates more time to figure out how to 'get to the other side' than it would take a two year old to master ... well, anything! We finally figured out that we were supposed to walk thru all the animals to get to the other side. Immediately we were not enchanted with the nights activities... so we snapped pics.



We thought we'd get to see bull riding, but the entire time we were there (a whopping 30 minutes) they did calf roping. That is the meanest thing to watch! Sheri and I did more screaming and squeeling than anything. It was obvious we were out of our comfort zone... as we made spectacles of ourselves by cringing and jabbering endlessly about how cruel the poor little calf was being treated!


For those of you that don't know.... the smell of ass coupled with nacho cheese... is NOT appealing.


Just because we were bored.


Sheri suffers from animal allergies so her health was our greatest concern. lol She made us leave (so heart broken) so she could go home, take a shower to get the animal hairs off of her, get some breathing drugs and get fresh air.


The End.

The Kid in Me

Last night as I lay my sweet little head down on my pillow, the conversation went like this:

Richard: Did you watch Sesame Street when you were little?
Me: yeah
R: Then you know Snuffy?
Me: Mr Snuffleupagus? yes! I've never heard him called Snuffy, but why?
R: I cant believe you can't remember or say STREP-UH-COCK-US but you can remember and say perfectly, Mr Snuffleupagus. I see where your mind is.
Me: of course! I'd never forget him. I didn't watch Sesame Street all that much, I liked Electric Company more.. it was more action!

ok, well the conversation keeps going... but Richard was trying to point out to me that Strepacocopotomus (used in my post yesterday) was not correct. Yes, i know that... but I am not sure how to spell it and I didnt want to google it and everyone knows what i'm talking about anyway because I dont think anyone knows how to say it correctly except for Richard and probably P because those two know everything.

But, I do know Mr Snuffleupagus!

Ballbuster

As I gracefully walked the gym’s treadmill at noon, I got to observing the trio lifting weights in front of me. I’m assuming they are our students as the ID card requirement is in effect but I had never seen them in the gym before. This gang consisted of two burly, tattooed guys with one diminutive gal. She would help spot the one guy and then they would change places and help her. She yelled a lot so you know they piled on the weights. After they finished their lifting routine, they headed for the basketball hoop across the floor. Rather than shoot hoops, they decided it would be wise and prudent to employ that sphere as a volleyball and send it flying in my vicinity. This did not sit well with me, nor has it ever done so. Do you know how it feels to have oversized balls hurtling toward your head? Er, well maybe you do but this is the freaky, scary, could knock-you-unconscious kind! And of course they placed two people on the side that faced an uncaring wall and only one to half-heartedly cover the side opening toward the machines. Well anyway, the male student worker did nothing about this deplorable state of affairs but continued to do his personal workout oblivious to this blatant disregard for authority. Well heck, he never makes me sign in as I cockily strut to my treadmill so why would he put a stop to their nonsense? Out of my peripheral vision I warily watched them as I contemplated the possible instantaneous need to block wayward balls. Toward the end of my workout, the cavalry finally made an appearance as a respected coach entered the building with prospective students in tow. All the sudden the versatile ball morphed into what God intended and a pleasant game of basketball commenced. Surprise! Fortunately, they never did return to the alternate game and left the area five minutes before I finished. I'm going to have to keep my eye on them in the future...

My brand spanking new notebook arrived last weekend and though I’ve had very little time for tinkering, its mesmerizing tiny, twinkling blue running lights enticingly beckon for a lengthy session of key-fondling. I am having a little trouble getting used to Windows Vista but as it came already loaded, I figure I’ll just be ahead of the game by the time we make the switch at work. At any rate, I foresee an intimate getting-to-know-you session between me and my charming playtoy this weekend. ;)

Spring Fever

A few days ago, I broke out with a horrible rash on my legs. It looked like a reaction to something (obviously) but we couldnt figure out what i'd done other than use new tanning lotion when I hit the tanning beds. I've been doctoring it up with Aveeno and praying it just quietly goes away.

Yesterday morning I woke up with a scratchy throat and I just ignored it thinking that maybe I slept with my mouth open or something. Last night, I felt kind of poopy... but then i tossed and turned all night long unable to get comfortable and suffering with a horrendous headache and unable to swallow because the pain from my own saliva passing over my Jalopeno pepper throat was unbareable!

This morning was total crap. I got up and called Chris (at my office) and told him I had Strepacocopotomus and I was going to see a doctor then i'd be in to share my fungus with everyone else. He was excited.. and added 'bring chips and salsa!'

Dr Drivesablackcorvette determined I dont have strep, I dont have the flu, but I do have some sort of bacterialblahblah that required a shot of steriods, followed by a week of steroid pills and antibiotics. He sent in little nurse lady to inject me with the 'roids. I followed her instructions of 'exposing a hip' and making SURE I put all my weight on the opposite leg that isnt being injected. She grabbed my skin, pinched and HOLY S@#$ stabbed me with a flipping daggar! I dont think she could have used a needle any larger. Damn that hurt and I then understood the 'make sure you have your weight on the other leg' part! I would have passed out of that muscle had been flexed. It was like an epidural of the butt cheek.

My right cheek aches where she put the goo. I am leaning on my left one until the ache subsides.

The swelling in my throat seems to have been reduced... either from the shot or from the bag of throat lozenges i've eaten. I'm fixing to go get the chips and salsa... which I think will be good to scratch where the lozenges arent hitting.

I'm So Proud

Exploding Beer Keg Shakes Oklahoma Town

ADAIR, Okla. -- A beer keg exploded after being placed into a patio fire pit, and the blast was heard for miles near Adair on Sunday, authorities said.

Nobody was hurt, but windows in three homes were broken, bricks from the fire pit were thrown a block and a half away, and a 4-inch tree limb was severed, Adair Police Chief Albert McKee said.

McKee said a couple of Adair residents decided to put an old keg on the fire Sunday evening in order to watch the beer spew out when the keg became hot.

"There's supposed to be a pop-off valve, but they evidently decided it wasn't going to blow," McKee said. "Well, they went inside about three minutes too early.

"It might have killed those guys if they hadn't gone back inside."

Firefighter Trent Peper said all Adair firefighters responded to the call.

"The cavalry came running. It was sure interesting, I'll say that," Peper said.

Birthday Night

Here are some pics from Fowler's birthday night! I have to start off with the picture of me and my hubby.... he takes such good care of me so I have to show him off first ;)



I took my camera (obviously) so Fachaitte said 'lets get out the camera and do pictures!' I grabbed for my camera... she grabbed for lipgloss... and I snapped this (i'm sure she doesnt want the world to see it, but here goes) attractive picture of her. lol


EVERY time i've been to this little club, this old guy is roaming around and we've been warned to be careful...he's very handsy with the girls. So, of course he plops his butt down right beside me. I have to take advantage of it... and make things worse... so I ask him to pose for a picture. He was more than happy to. I bout shit a brick when he grabbed me and pulled me close though! lol



All three of us.


Me and Fachaitte with the birthday boy.


Fowler's buddy Lloyd gave him some birthday lovin's! Or, maybe that was just a good ol boy hug-punchinthearm thing. hmmm


Fachaitte attacking Lloyd.


Us making goo-goo eyes at the camera man (Richard).


... and the girl who helped make the night what it was... the waitress!!!

Check Out Them Gators!

TGIF!

Enough said.

This has been a long hard week and my feet hurt. I havent had time to write, much less read up on everyone else's blogs (sorry). This weekend I plan on catching up.

Tonight I'm headed to my friend Fowler's birthday party so it will be a great night of unwinding! He's turning 21 (again *snicker*) and i'm convinced he needs to be Gator'd or at least have a stripper! haha. He's bent on the fact that he does not want to be Gator'd nor does he want a stripper. He doesnt want to be embarrassed. I'm surprised I was invited. hahahahah I'll take my camera just in case something nasty, fun or embarrassing happens... so I can share it!

The Gator is the act of 'dancing' or performing over a person who is laid out flat on his (I guess it could be a girl too) back. Typically, this performance turns out to be nasty and vulgar inflicting much embarrassment on the poor soul being Gator'd. Some have the pleasure (or not) of being Gator'd by a girl wearing a skirt (get the visual) and during the summer... rumor has it... that many girls don't wear undies. There is one particular song (all instrumental) that plays and when you hear this music you know it's 'Gator Time'! This music is perfect for a strip-tease show!

Yep... i've Gator'd. I've not been Gator'd... but I have Gator'd my fair share :)

Do You Hear What I Hear?

Every year, Chaos College amps up the pandemonium as we play host to the annual district music contest. For two days running we view hormonal children from assorted nearby high schools resplendent in matching robes or ensembles flitting across campus to the designated rooms and buildings where the judging occurs. Thursday hosted the choirs and today the musical instrument combos. Our parking lots are a sea of canary school buses disgorging the overly excited kiddies. One can forget trying to grab a bite to eat at the nearby Sonic or Simple Simon as they are overrun with voracious adolescents. Our bookstore dreads this yearly circus as they too are overrun with light-fingered, bored juveniles with too much time and freedom on their grubby little hands. Lucky faculty and our mature-by-comparison students have off today but the same cannot be said for long-suffering staff. Our admin building is not used for arbitration purposes but that doesn’t mean we get away scott free. Especially today. Some of the little devils will find their way to our building and wander the hallowed halls out of pure curiosity (or lousy direction) as they peer into staff’s inner sanctum. All returns to normal on Monday so it’s just a case of patience bolstered by popping a few Valiums. I will try to refrain from sticking my tongue out or mooning them, ok? :)

Never a Dull Moment

Well my building got evacuated this afternoon thanks to the rocket scientists working outside our building hitting a pesky gas line. Thank goodness the weather is GORGEOUS (77 degrees!) and it was heavenly getting to sit (yes, I sat on steps of a distant building) outside and enjoy the bright sunshine and warm breezes, not to mention escape the smelly gas fumes. Here’s a view from an evac.

In other slightly less exciting news, I ordered a new personal notebook from HP and it should arrive the beginning of next week. I’m very excited about that as I have dealt with a cantankerous refurbed Gateway for the last five or so years. When the D drive finally gave up the ghost I got on the stick and found a lovely replacement online. It’s brand new, faster, and though not top-of-the-line, features more bells and whistles than I’ve previously had. “K” will be the honored recipient of my soon-to-be abandoned relic. I spent the better part of last Saturday cleaning off the, er, personal files and freeing up memory. And speaking of “K”, she is off slithering down the slopes of Colorado this week. I actually received two emails from Mz 5000+ Text Messages a Month as her IM withdrawals have reached critical mass. She’ll be back in Decent Cell Phone Receptionland before she knows it.

And I can thank prompt, efficient Fedex (“when it absolutely, positively has to get there never mind that you failed to inform TBC it was coming”) for prematurely having to fess up on Saturday that I had indeed purchased a new computer and no, I hadn’t consulted his royal Poobahness first. The free All-in-One printer thrown in with my timely purchase had the cajones to arrive on Saturday afternoon leaving me to wing my explanation and forget my persuasive, rehearsed speech (complete with flipchart and bullets). Though less than thrilled (ok, darn pissed), he got over it by Monday and it’s been smooth sailing ever since. I can't wait for my new toy!

Chunks of Change

I found out a little bit of information today that would have been nice to know about three days ago!!!

This morning as I sat at my desk, one of the guys in my area said "I have something I need to tell you guys". We all (me and 6 guys), perk up and listen because this guy rarely speaks. He's so quiet!

He begins....
Well last Friday I headed to the bathroom and while I was peeing I noticed XYZ in the stall taking a big dump. He got finished and walked out of the bathroom... past the sink. He did not wash his hands. I came back to our area and began working when XYZ walked in behind me and asked for you (looking at me). You werent here, so he went into your office and picked up the phone to make a call.

Gasps of disbelief and grossness filled the room

He follows with... he did that without washing his hands. He had poop hands!

My stomach churned... followed with my screams and why didnt you tell me this FRIDAY!

He said I wasnt around before he left and so he couldnt tell me until today.

A BIG neon sign or note or something would have been good!

I've Lysoled and bleached my phone... disinfected my desk, keyboard and mouse...

He has been the butt of the jokes today..... *giggle* but really that's not funny to have poo chunks on ya and then use my phone!!!

Dateiversary

Two years ago today Richard and I went out together for the first time. Officially, it was the first time that wasn't just 'friends hanging out' but more of 'hhmmmm.... we could have some real fun here!'

This morning he sent me a card that said:

2years ago today we opened a door to a new life together. I don't think either of us knew how good these relationships could be. I've enjoyed every step of this journey with you and look forward to the road ahead.

Thank you for being my friend, my lover, my mistress, my wife, my dirty girl, my sensual partner. I love you with all my heart...

I am so lucky! Not only did he even remember (and its not our actual wedding day or anthing) our date day, but he sent me a little reminder!

I love you too baby!

I'm Twisted!

How evil are you?

I'm not evil, but i'm twisted and can easily be coerced into being evil. haha What are you?

Shock Your Way Slim

This morning while watching the news, I happened to catch a segment on weight loss. This new procedure involved using small electronic shocks - kind of like the procedure that is done when you hurt your back and they 'treat' your muscles to get them to relax. Well this is done on your fat rolls.

Besides the fact that its pretty expensive - $100 per session and it takes about 20 sessions and then once a month for maintenance, I also noticed that maybe it isnt that effective.

When the person selling the product or procedure could stand to lose about 150lbs, then it doesn't make one feel too secure about the product.

How do you think they sell so much Slimfast or Hydroxycut!? They hire very physically fit people to be their spokesperson. HELLO!

Jacking with Me

Nothing says ‘Monday morning’ like the sound of earsplitting jackhammers rattling your thoughts and in some cases, vibrating the very ground beneath your feet. Construction is officially underway for our building’s renovation and the relentless cacophony is wreaking havoc with our good nature and pleasant demeanor. I need to put out a mass VM and am patiently waiting for a break in the staccato blasts of sound. As if this wasn’t enough, several entrances are now blocked off thus leaving fleeing worker bees with fewer options. I guess this is one way to ensure walking as an exercise. As deafening as it is in my area, finance people are enduring the racket right outside their door and when I popped in to check their situation, several had tissues sprouting from their ears. This nerve-testing trial could put employee’s end-of-month paychecks in jeopardy if pissy moods become the order of the day. The truth is we are in for extended disruptions as work progresses. Welcome to my nightmare.

And yes, great temps today and that does help offset the chaos going on here at Chaos College. Woo hoo!

Monday Morning Notes

I can't not NOT blog this today.

It's going to be like 70 degrees!!! How exciting is that!?!? Anyone in Oklahoma knows that a day like today is much needed and even better... its Presidents Day so tons of people are able to get the day off (I am not one of them, dangit). My bank is one of them. Dangit.

It's terribly windy but the temp is so nice and the sun is shining! Tomorrow it will drop in temp, but still be in the 50's. I'm so ready for spring and summer!

On another note. What the @#$% is up with Britney Spears!?!??!

Peanut Butter Chaos

Because none of us can agree on the same kind of peanut butter... we had four jars to toss out because of the Salmonella scare. One wasn't even open yet!

Cliff Hanger

OMG!!! Have you been watching Grey's Anatomy?

What's up with Meredith? They left us tonight with her life wittling away.... surely this isnt the end of her character. It is Meredith Grey.... Grey's Anatomy. They will have to change the name of the show!

The Show formerly known as Grey's Anatomy and then there will have to be a sign to take its place.

Do you think they are going to start narrating it with Meredith (like they do now) but have her do it from the grave (Desperate Housewives)!?

Snake Girl

Yesterday was a strange day. It started with BW taking a magnificent dump in the bathtub and yours truly almost catching him in the act still making feeble attempts to cover up his dastardly deed. Once again I was dressed and ready to head out the door much like last week when I discovered Spikey’s puking deposit on the bedroom carpet. That time I played dumb and fled the scene of the crime before I could get shanghaied into clean-up duty.

At noon, I fluffed off the gym and was parked in my cozy chair when a frazzled female student rushed in proclaiming she needed assistance with this mysterious rash she had on her neck. As I’m in the IT dept I am rarely called upon for any medical expertise but my vast knowledge of the various specialties of each sector enabled me to direct her toward a more accommodating office. I left her in experienced hands who urged her to visit the local physician.

Yesterday evening, a tribute band played in our performing arts center and TBC, sis, bro-in-law and I were seated close to the front. Though it pains me to say it, after a similar show several years ago I earned quite the infamous rep after boogying to this band and the moniker, "Wild Thing" was bestowed upon me. While in line before the auditorium opened, several coworkers felt the need to remind me of my past frisky gyrations but I assured them there would be a much more sedate Ms. Circe in attendance on this night. I feel certain they were disappointed. Indeed I was a paragon of virtue, but the same could not be said for all members of the spirited audience. As entertaining as the show was, several students in the front row put a diverting show of their own by making sophomoric asses of themselves with silly dancing and occasional heckling. By far the most distracting exhibition was the snockered coed I nicknamed "Snake Girl". Her continuous arm movements could best be described as slithering as all eyes watched her either swaying to the music, draped across the edge of the stage, bowing to the audience, or yelling out incoherent gibberish. At one point when both her arms were raised in the air (and oddly no music was playing), one of the guitarists glanced at her and yelled, "touchdown!" Odds are she’ll be summoned to the dean’s office today. During our absorbing confinement, a thin, white blanket of snow fell and continued to wend its way earthward from the darkened skies. An ideal ending to a peculiar day.

VD Update

For Valentine's Day, Richard sent me to the spa for a Pedicure... and then he took me out to eat at Keller in the Castle, which is now Castle Falls. I guess at some point in time in the last few years, the ownership has changed and the name was changed. However, rumor has it.... that the chef has stayed the same.

It was scrumptious! It's German food... and absolutely delicious! We also did some beer taste testing and Richard found the German beer i've been looking for! Many years ago I tasted a German beer in Arkansas that I just loved. I didnt know the name of it (because I couldnt pronounce it) but I knew it was a dark beer and had a sweet taste to it. We've sampled many a beer between the time we met and tonight and we've not been able to find the one.... but we found it!

I still don't know the name... cuz I still can't pronounce it, but Richard knows....

I love you baby... thanks for dinner and being persistent in finding the drink! You're an awesome date!!! I'm very lucky to have you..... *kisses*

Happy VD!

Happy Valentine's Day!

This is day 3 (or 4 if you count Sunday) of P's flu. He got up this morning and wanted to try to go to school, but within an hour of being there the school nurse called me and said P's temp was at 101 and he was groggy. So... I sent his Auntie to pick him up and I came home to baby him some more. Thankfully my job is one that I can work just about any time of the day and I can do part of it from home, so I'm working at night so I can be with him during the day.

A true test for a man - to see if he's really sick - is the food test. I bought P a pizza for lunch and he nibbled on one piece. Usually, he can put away 3 or 4 pieces. He also grabbed a piece of chocolate candy, took one bite and said 'that tastes weird' and threw it away.

He's definitely not feeling well.

Officious Offerings

MSN has just been very helpful with VD-related articles so to help those romantic souls out there in Blogland, here are the 10 worst V-Day gifts. For further discussion, their URL gives the reasons why, and some alternate gift-giving solutions. Enjoy! Personally, I prefer this site. :)

”Choosing the right gift can be quite a challenge: Too many frazzled sweethearts reach into the Valentine’s void for gift ideas and come up with something that’s just plain wrong. To help you avoid joining their ranks, we present the ten worst presents possible—and what to give your sweetie instead.”

1. Ye olde bouquet of red roses and baby’s breath
2. A box of assorted chocolates
3. Jewelry in a ring-sized box
4. Something girlie and decorative like a sachet, a candle holder, a silver
wishing stone
5. A cute stuffed animal bearing a message of love
6. Racy lingerie
7. Anything that could be considered a small appliance
8. A nice bottle of cologne or perfume
9. A tie
10. A gift certificate

Some Topfive.com’s Things Overheard on Valentine's Day

"A stuffed teddy bear, holding a heart? How utterly original."

"I now stand corrected -- there is *one* gift a woman does
*not* prefer to come in a small package."

“The jeweler said you'd never notice. Of course, he also
said he needed to move to another street corner because the
cops were closing in."

"How did you find a stuffed animal that looks exactly like
the neighbor's cat?"

"Troop levels aren't the only thing surging, baby."

"It's like a cosmic convergence -- Valentines Day and
Hump Day occurring simultaneously!"

"Everyone *else* gives chocolate hearts for Valentine's Day,
but I love you so much I went out and got you the real
thing. It's not easy finding a cow heart, you know."

"I *did* get you roses. I just skipped the middleman and
 sent them to your divorce lawyer."

"Technically, the lingerie doesn't make your ass look fat--the
chocolate hearts do that."

"Charles, I want you to take off *all* my clothes. You really
  don't look that good in lace."

"I don't understand it either, honey. It was smokin' hot on
the Victoria's Secret model."

"I said send it *FTD* -- not STD!"

"You had me at 'a dozen red roses will get you oral.'"

"No, not exactly... but I really, really LUST you."

"Sweetheart, guess what? I may be the father of Anna Nicole's 
  daughter!"

Aw what the heck, happy Victory/Viceroy/Vanquish Day, darlings! :)

Perplexing Pairings

From MSN Movies, we review wild disparity in supposed cozy couplings. Agree or disagree? You be the judge…

“Love is not only a battlefield but also a puzzle. Why do we so often experience an involuntary surge of romantic feelings for someone so utterly unsuitable? Here are 10 strikingly mismatched pairings found on film":

“Howard the Duck” (1986) with Lea Thompson and well, quick frankly, a king-sized duck.

"A scientific experiment unknowingly brings extraterrestrial life forms to the Earth through a laser beam. First is the cigar smoking drake Howard from the duck's planet. A few kids try to keep him from the greedy scientists and help him back to his planet. But then a much less friendly being arrives through the beam."

I did see this one and I have to admit how creepy it felt to watch Ms. Thompson get hot and bothered over a giant quacker. I refuse to mention what city this clunker is set in.

“Swamp Thing” (1982) with Ray Wise and Adrienne Barbeau.

"Dr. Alec Holland, hidden away in the depths of a murky swamp, is trying to create a new species - a combination of animal and plant capable of adapting and thriving in the harshest conditions. Unfortunately he becomes subject of his own creation and is transformed .Arcane, desperate for the formula attempts to capture the Swamp Thing. An explosive chase ensues that ultimately ends with a confrontation between Holland and a changed Arcane."

Oh brother.

“Edward Scissorhands” (1990) with Johnny Depp and Winona Ryder.

"A modern day fairy tale which tells the story of Edward, the man created by an inventor, who died before finishing him and left Edward with scissors where he should have hands. One day when the local Avon representative calls at the historic mansion where Edward has been living alone, she takes him home to stay with her family. He has to adapt to the new life and environment that he isn't used to. Soon he shows a talent in cutting hair and hedges, and wins every body's heart. But life isn't always so sweet."

Yes, it’s off-the-wall but I liked this unusual story.

"Six Days, Seven Nights" (1998) with Harrison Ford and Anne Heche.

"Taking a romantic tropical island week off with her boyfriend, an ambitious, decisive New York girl agrees to help her magazine out by covering a story on a neighboring island. The only plane available is piloted by a laid-back heavy drinker with whom she shares a mutual dislike. But she has no choice and he can't refuse the money. When the plane crash-lands on an uninhabited island with little chance of rescue they both wish they had made other arrangements - at least to start with."

I liked this one but mostly because Han Solo was the male lead. The chasm-like age gap and Anne’s mercurial gender choice made for viewer’s suspense of disbelief when viewing this flick.

"Frankie and Johnny"(1991) with Al Pacino and Michele Pfeiffer.

"Johnny has just been released from prison, and gets a job in a cafe beside waitress Frankie. Frankie is a bit of a loner, but Johnny is determined their romance will blossom."

Never saw it.

"As Good as It Gets"(1997) with Jack Nicholson and Helen Hunt.

"Melvin Udall, a cranky, bigoted, obsessive-compulsive writer, finds his life turned upside down when neighboring gay artist Simon is hospitalized and his dog is entrusted to Melvin. In addition, Carol, the only waitress who will tolerate him must leave work to care for her sick son, making it impossible for Melvin to eat breakfast."

Greg Kinnear was terrific but Jack and Helen as a couple was completely unbelievable.

"White Palace" (1990) with James Spader and Susan Sarandon.

"Max Baron (James Spader) is a 27-year-old high flying advertising executive still recovering from the death of his wife. One night he is in a bar when he meets Nora Baker (Susan Sarandon) a 43-year-old waitress with a fixation on Marilyn Monroe. The couple gradually fall in love, though age and social differences mean that the path of true love is strewn with problems."

Never saw it, but loved him in "Pretty in Pink" as the spoiled rich boy.

"Harold and Maude"(1971) with Bud Cort and Ruth Gordon.

"Harold is a depressed, death-obsessed 20-year-old man-child who spends his free time attending funerals and committing suicide in front of his mother, but he does not die. At a funeral, Harold befriends Maude, a 79-year-old woman who has a zest for life. She and Harold spend much time together during which she exposes him to the wonders and possibilities of life. After rejecting his mother's three attempts to set him up with a potential wife, and committing fake suicide in front of all of them, Harold announces that he is to be married to Maude. However, Maude has a surprise for Harold that is to change his life forever."

Never heard of him. Didn’t see this, but apparently it received good reviews. Pairing a 20-year old and an almost 80-year old is pushing the envelope.

"Monster’s Ball" (2001) with Billy Bob Thornton and Halle Berry.

"Set in the Southern United States, 'Monster's Ball' is a tale of a racist white man, Hank (played by Billy Bob Thornton), who falls in love with a black woman named Leticia (Halle Berry). Ironically Hank is a prison guard working on Death Row who executed Leticia's husband (Sean Combs). Hank and Leticia's interracial affair leads to confusion and new ideas for the two unlikely lovers."

Didn’t see this but Billy Bob doesn’t strike me as a good match for the lovely Ms. Berry.

"Beauty and the Beast" (1946) with two people no one’s ever heard of.

"A half-ruined merchant lives in the country with his son Ludovic and his three daughters. Two of the daughters, Felicie and Adelaide, are real shrews, selfish, pretentious, evil. They exploit the third daughter, Belle, as a servant. One day, the merchant gets lost in the forest and enters a strange castle. He picks up a rose for Belle and the castle's owner appear. He is a monster, half-human, half-beast, and possesses magic powers. He sentences the merchant to death, unless he give up one of his daughters. Belle sacrifices herself for her father and goes to the castle, discovering that the Beast is not so wild and inhuman as it seems."

There is also the 1991 animated version.

I sort of remember the fairy tale but plead innocent on having ever caught this flick.

I’m sure many others could be added to this list, but there you have it—incongruous couples on film.

Tis the Season for Kleenex

Today is day 2 of P's flu. Actually, I guess it could be day 3.... but I really wasnt counting sunday because we didn't stay in or anything. We ran around with him sick, not realizing how sick he was.

P is never sick. That kid is tough as nails and shakes off every snotty sneezing thing that comes his way but sunday I should have paid more attention. I woke up to him fully dressed in jeans and a sweater. This is the kid that strips at the front door.... chooses nudity over chocolate!

Sunday night he had a temp of 101, so I knew that it was highly possible that we might not be going to work/school on Monday. Sure enough. He was feverish, eyes all red, chest rattling, labored breathing, etc. I tried to get in to see his doctor but after 15 minutes of being on hold I said 'ahhhh screw it!' and we took off for the Urgent Care Center.

We nestled down in our chairs to wait for our names to be called, I chatted with a guy waiting and P dozed off to sleep. It wasnt but a few minutes later he sat straight up and said 'I think i'm going to throw up'. My pointer finger reacted and I very urgently commanded 'get to the bathroom!' He took off running for the door. *wheew, he made it* I heard the gut wrenching hurls and in a few minutes he opened the door.... and I spotted it. chunks all over the floor. He walked up to the nurses desk and told them he needed a cleanup on isle 5 *blah*

He said down (said he felt better... of course) and I asked him if he 'made it'. He said, 'not really. I got most of it on the floor and some in the sink'. My stomach churned. I don't do vomit. I'll be right along beside him if I have to go in there. I checked with the receptionist and she said they would clean it up and she tried to explain to me that it was 'ok'... that's why he's here. True.....

They got us in very quickly after that. lol He has Type A flu. I have no idea what that means... there is type A and type B... both are the flu. So, he has the flu.

On the way home, I called Richard to give him the results and I said 'he threw up his cookies in the doctors office!'. P looked at me and said 'no I didnt mom, it was bacon. I had bacon for breakfast.... not cookies'.

HAHAHAH that kid is so cute!

Amour Angst

Yes my darlings, we’ve come to that specific segment of time again. *audible sigh* I promise not to subject you to an entire week of anti-love verses penned by famous poets like I did last year but I just couldn’t resist sharing this article from MSN.

“When you're not in love, everyone else appears to be. No matter where you go, mushy couples scorch your corneas with their public displays of affection and cram their sweet nothings into your adjacent ears. And maybe you'd like to think it's lovely, but the truth is that you'd rather not be forced to remember. You don't want to think about how happy you once were, or how happy you could be again if only, or, especially, how happy you might never be again. And you definitely don't want to think about the possibility that your cat might be your longest-running relationship, like George Clooney and his pig (RIP, Max) because you're probably not one of the "sexiest people alive," and you can't afford to live high-on-the-hog in Italy.

Nothing epitomizes the single person's challenge quite like Valentine's Day—the one day each year that seems defined solely by gestures of romance: the delivery of red roses, thoughtful cards and phone calls, candlelight dinners, etc., ad nauseum. So this year, here's a suggestion: You can simply choose to hate love. I mean, really despise the sucker. Wear black. Spit on flowers. Fill your ears not with the sweet nothings of others but with the wails, moans and cries of musicians who have the decency to remind us of love's disastrous qualities."

You may read the specifics regarding each song at MSN Music’s URL, but here are their picks for the top “I Hate Love” songs of all time.

1. The J. Geils Band: “Love Stinks”

2. Def Leppard: “Love Bites”

3. Nazareth: “Love Hurts”

4. Kelly Clarkson: “The Trouble With Love Is”

5. Alanis Morissette: “You Oughta Know”

6. Maria McKee: “If Love is a Red Dress (Hang Me in Rags)”
7. Michael Buble with Holly Palmer: “Down With Love"

Tied for 8:

John Mayer: “I’m Gonna Find Another You”
Beyonce: “Irreplaceable”

9. The Dixie Chicks: “Hole in My Head”

10. Adam Sandler: "Somebody Kill Me"

To recap, love stinks, bites, and hurts. Sounds painful! :P

It's Not Special K

Apparently, I have a severe addiction problem.

To Strawberry Cheerios.

This weekend C and I had gone to the mall to do some shopping and afterwards we ran by Target to get a few things. On our list was milk and I ran down the cereal isle to get cereal. Specifically Cheerios. C said "mom! you have a serious problem! We already have cheerios" That is true, but we go through about 4 boxes a week and its stupid to buy one box at a time.

So I grabbed two.

C said "can't we get something different this time?"

No. We all like it... and I think we're all addicted. Cept C.... obviously.

I got home and opened up the pantry to 3 existing boxes of Cheerios (one Vanilla and two Strawberry)...I added the two new boxes.

If you need me, I'll be at my Cheerios anonymous meeting.

Jury Duty is Over!

I never did share the results of my Tour of Duty (Jury Duty).

I'm not sure how deep into details I can, or should get, but in the end 12 of us determined that this particular time this person was not guilty. We were pretty sure that he was up to no good and probably fixing to be in trouble, but at that particular time... he was not guilty of what he was being accused of - possession of drugs. Evidence did not prove his guilt beyond a shadow of a doubt.

So, after spending one whole year in jail awaiting a court date, he finally walked free. It was the hardest thing to not consider his previous felonies and choice of lifestyle and friends... but all we could consider was the evidence provided us. Boy, it sure it a little nerveracking to think that maybe, we were letting some major criminal go free simply due to lack of evidence on the prosecutors side.... but still, that's all we could go with. We felt, and still feel, confident in our decision.

I made some good contacts though... and a couple of new friends!

Now.... on to working on my taxes. blah!

Friday Foo Foo

Gratuitous kitty pics:



Did I just hear that contraption start up?


Waiting...

Finally!

It is good to be a woman:

1. We got off the Titanic first.
2. We can scare male bosses with the mysterious gynecological disorder excuses.
3 Taxis stop for us.
4. We don't look like a frog in a blender when dancing.
5. No fashion faux pas we make, could ever rival the Speedo.
6. We don't have to pass gas to amuse ourselves.
7. If we forget to shave, no one has to know.
8. We can congratulate our teammate without ever touching her rear end.
9. We never have to reach down every so often to make sure our privates are still there.
10. We have the ability to dress ourselves.
11. We can talk to the opposite sex without having to picture them naked.
12. If we marry someone 20 years younger, we are aware that we will look like an idiot.
13. We will never regret piercing our ears.
14. There are times when chocolate really can solve all your problems.
15. We can make comments about how silly men are in their presence because they aren't listening anyway.

Gimme the Chocolate

I came home from work tonight and Richard had set a bowl of M&M's on the side of the Jacuzzi tub in our bathroom. I reached in the bowl to grab me a few and I noticed that they had sayings on them. I thought it was like those confection candy hearts that you get as a kid (and as big kids) in the little boxes... you know the ones that have all those different little love lines. But... after closer inspection I saw my name! He had the M&M's specially made for me!!! He is the sweetest thing ever!

Gentlemen, Start Your Engines!

I'm a Dodge Viper!

You're all about raw power. You're tough, you're loud, and you don't take crap from anyone. Leave finesse to the other cars, the ones eating your dust.

Take the test here

Hells Bells

Two weekends ago, I went to a relative's wedding in town. I might as well get into the marriage mode as this is shaping up to be the Year of Relative Weddings. Three more are planned before the summer gasps its final fiery breath so this is just the initial kickoff for nuptial revelry. Yes, there were last minute hassles and typical stress, but the marriage came off without a hitch. During the music-filled reception, each different clan showed off their particular dance specialty and it was entertaining watching them strut their stuff.


I won’t bore you with dreary specifics, but here for your viewing pleasure is a shot of the groom’s cake. He’s in the landscaping business so this makes complete sense.

Is this cute or what?

Changes are afoot at Chaos College as glimmers of the promised expansion process on our selected building begin to take shape. Already we have orange mesh fencing surrounding the designated future work zones and yes, the nervous trees on this side will be spared. Our regular readers may recall the elation we office drones experienced last summer (The Floor Show) with the oogling construction workers and I’m anticipating a similar interaction when this new bunch of hard hats arrive. A little bird told me they begin next week and we can expect limited access to our structure along with all the other noises and aggravations associated with renovation procedures. This should be an interesting spring...

Turn Turn Turn

I’ve mentioned before the situation with our country roads and about the sort of people that traverse them. Often when a strange vehicle passes by, particularly on the weekends, they aren’t necessarily out to enjoy the scenery. More often than not it means their occupants are knocking back brewskies (and blithely tossing them out the window) or making vital purchases from our friendly neighborhood drug dealer. (Yeah, he lives a few houses down. Ain’t we speshul?) We have a very sharp turn about midway down our road and on more occasions that I can count, some clueless moron has overlooked/ignored/missed the very clearly marked road signs and sailed right through the hapless homeowner’s property plowing into his vulnerable fence. I shudder to think how often that poor guy has had to repair that sucker. It’s pretty much an inside joke for the dwellers up and down our lane as we continually view the repeated demolition. Lowe’s must wiggle with delight every time he shows up.

Monday night, TBC and I were talking to his cousin’s visiting relative about yet another accident. His cousin currently resides at the beginning of our road which is perpendicular to the busy main highway. Apparently sometime late Friday night, a drunken fool lacking intimate knowledge of our tricky terrain on this particular stretch of asphalt thought it wise and prudent to fly across it at an alarming rate of speed thus coming to an abrupt and unexpected halt when he ran out of road. While most of the nearby streets do indeed cross this busy thoroughfare, ours is the exception and the inebriated gentleman found that out the hard way. Cops were called, a hospital trip ensued, wrecker services were employed, and no doubt hefty DUI charges resulted from this “little mishap.” Living in the country. There’s rarely a dull moment. *sigh*

I'm Stylin'

Doesn’t this make an attractive accessory for my black sweater? Yes, I do realize it's backasswards but we are all proficient at deciphering mirror-speak, right? A gal in the financial aid office asked me to wear this sticker today and again tomorrow and I agreeably complied, but it just doesn’t do much for my ensemble.

And here is a pic of the startling object I found on the printer desk my plant perches on. Did I miss a vicious knife fight between rival gangs while I was blissfully walking the treadmill at lunch? At least it looked clean and ick-free.

To file in memory banks for next year’s blowout…

The Topfive.com’s 16 Signs You're at a Lame Super Bowl Party

16> Your friends cheer for the Budweiser Clydesdales and
groan at the Coors twins.

15> Your host serves plenty of crab cakes and Chesapeake
Lager,blissfully unaware that the Colts no longer play in
Baltimore.

14> Tough to hear the commentary over all the knitting.

13> Your host's homemade giant plasma screen TV is leaking
all over the carpet and he wants to know if you're type A
positive.

12> For the 250,000th time, some moron says, "Da Bearz!"

11> Your boss says, "As long as you're going to the break
room, why don't you make 20 copies of the Whittaker proposal."

10> Your drunken buddy casually mentions how much better the
game would be if offensive lineman wore only thongs.

9> You miss the opening kickoff when your host insists on
watching the last five minutes of a "Will & Grace" rerun.

8> No one is allowed to do a Jell-O shot without first
hearing the host's Bill Cosby impression.

7> The guy who organized it refers to fondue as "FUNdue."

6> TV's broken, game's on the radio and Earl and Danny are
reenacting the action using marionettes.

5> "Like those Tofurkey nachos, Bob? The Tupperware bowl
they're in comes in six attractive colors for only $6.99."

4> Who knew Costco even *made* beer?!

3> After every botched play, your host, a former pro football
star, insists on showing you how he would have done it--if
he had done it.

2> "Okay, everyone: Whenever that Peyton guy throws a
touchdown, we each do a sudoku!"

1> The only wardrobe malfunction involves too much Zima and
your own man-boob.

Deranged entities stumbled their way to our preshus blog thanks to these recently-searched phrases. Though not nearly as entertaining, bizarre and gutbustingly funny as Kranki’s, this list it is nevertheless quite the eye-opener.

-spitting cobra fountain

-sagittarius female alcohol

-cold cut trio happy Gilmore

-eye of newt hangover

-cooties bug pictures

-the witches prosthetics photos

-guy sat on his face

-cats with broken tails

-a voice so husky she could pull a sled with it

-crotch itch after consuming alcohol

-braless fun

-blogging to find companionship

That last one is kind of sweet actually, but I’m very concerned about the party looking for witches with photogenic prosthetics. ;)

Tour of Duty

Day one of Jury Duty has finally come to a close!

I have only lived in this county for less than one year and already i've been summons for Jury Duty. Today, while doing mindless chitchat with one of the 400 other people crammed like sardines in a court room, I learned that he had somehow escaped the call of duty for 20 years! I have been summons at least 10 times in the past 15 years! How does this happen. What is it that i'm doing wrong.... to get drawn so many times in this duty drawing!?

I arrived at the courthouse early enough to get a front row parking spot in the parking garage. I gathered my things: gum, water, laptop and juror ID, and headed into the court house. When I got to the 5th floor, there was a line forming so I dashed in the bathroom.... tinkled.... and dashed out to find the line had grown by about 30 people. We stood for about 30 minutes and then one by one they filed us in the room, scanned our badges and had us take a seat. To wait.

We waited and waited. I watched the girl across the isle from me fall asleep, and when awoken by the guy next to her, she slung slobber all over her neck and dribbled it down her chin. Another man became irritable when he learned he would not be 'out of here' by noon. The Deputy in the room explained (as kindly as he could) that the little guy just had to be patient and wait for his name to be called to a court room... there was no other way around it.

After hours of sitting, I pulled out my laptop to do some surfing and email. However, there was no internet access available! ugh. ugh UGH! I text'd Richard and begged him to come pick me up for lunch. He and Eric made the trek across town (thank you guys.... you're both so precious!!!) to take me somewhere... anywhere.... to grab some grub. They had instructed us to not move our vehicles or we'd not be able to find a parking place when returning and we'd have to pay parking again.

At 1:30pm, I began my tour of sitting again. I nestled into my church pew and turned to look behind me only to see a man digging for the most stubborn booger i'd ever seen. I almost tossed my lunch. He dug and dug.... blah!!! This morning I had a guy coughing in my hair... so I moved... and now I have booger digger!

I partnered up with another laptop user and we swapped computer stories and played solitaire... which is how I spent the rest of the day! Finally, my name was called and I've been assigned to some jury selection and I'll be returning. Oh the Joy.