Monday, March 12, 2007

He Did What???


While yanking K’s brown strands through the frosting cap yesterday, she stunned the bajibbies out of me by letting a long-concealed cat out of the proverbial bag. (So of course I’m sharing it with you.) Now I realize I’m about as vanilla and white bread as they come and most people would shrug this off as not worth a second thought, but this juicy (haha) revelation sent me reeling through space and time and I was barely able to stay upright and continue Tress Duty. It all started with a discussion of Scrubs and how much we are enjoying catching up by sequentially viewing it on disc. K mentioned how hilarious the ass-box episode was and I added that I was sure every hospital could chime in with horror stories of its own. Apparently, Podunkville would be included in this roster thanks to our close, personal friend, M. It seems about five years ago he was experimenting with a sex toy in the wee hours of the night in the privacy of his bedroom and got the petulant device stuck up his rather large, pasty white ass. Still vibrating. An embedded, pulsating, quivering dildo crammed up the ole poopshoot. Oh.My.God. Not wanting to ‘disturb’ his sleeping parental units, he drove himself to the ER to undergo the painful separation procedure, not forgetting to ask for the contraption back. Thanks to sedation, he was forced to call his best friend’s wife to retrieve him from said institution and rather than admit to this embarrassing predicament he fobbed it off as having suddenly experienced a blockage of sorts thus necessitating this hush-hush outing. Now he might have gotten away with it but as the "Irony gods" were gaily watching over this ticklish situation, this was not to be. The reason his best friend’s wife was the designated driver was that her spouse was working the night shift and his coworker just happened to be married to the ER nurse on duty that fateful night. Oh yeah. The characters involved carefully kept the tale under lock and key but now we know the real story....Stylists are privy to the tastiest tidbits, aren't they? ;)

6 comments:

CruiserMel said...

I wonder what it's like to have to drive with something like that going on in *cough* there. No nevermind - I don't want to know. But seriously, doesn't that belong in a movie?

Kerry said...

Who was it!?!?!??! That is an awesome story!!!!

Bone said...

Um, why was he-- uh, nevermind.

I dated a nurse once and she told me similar horror stories of people sticking things up there.

*shudder*

Traveling Chica said...

ROFL

That's a skeleton he's going to want permanently buried...

Burg said...

It's amazing what some people just pull out of their ass..

Circe said...

C--I would think that drive would be VERY uncomfortable. Rode sidesaddle would be my guess.

Kerbear--Answered that, *EG*

Bone--Oh I know! *double shudder* Bet he's been a little more careful with his experimentation since then!

TC--Should anyone play Truth or Dare with him regarding 'most embarrassing moment,' he should probably pick the 'dare.'

Burg--I totally agree. Amazing is the word for it. And I would never in a million years pick him for this kind of creativity!