Peanut Butter Chaos

Because none of us can agree on the same kind of peanut butter... we had four jars to toss out because of the Salmonella scare. One wasn't even open yet!

Cliff Hanger

OMG!!! Have you been watching Grey's Anatomy?

What's up with Meredith? They left us tonight with her life wittling away.... surely this isnt the end of her character. It is Meredith Grey.... Grey's Anatomy. They will have to change the name of the show!

The Show formerly known as Grey's Anatomy and then there will have to be a sign to take its place.

Do you think they are going to start narrating it with Meredith (like they do now) but have her do it from the grave (Desperate Housewives)!?

Snake Girl

Yesterday was a strange day. It started with BW taking a magnificent dump in the bathtub and yours truly almost catching him in the act still making feeble attempts to cover up his dastardly deed. Once again I was dressed and ready to head out the door much like last week when I discovered Spikey’s puking deposit on the bedroom carpet. That time I played dumb and fled the scene of the crime before I could get shanghaied into clean-up duty.

At noon, I fluffed off the gym and was parked in my cozy chair when a frazzled female student rushed in proclaiming she needed assistance with this mysterious rash she had on her neck. As I’m in the IT dept I am rarely called upon for any medical expertise but my vast knowledge of the various specialties of each sector enabled me to direct her toward a more accommodating office. I left her in experienced hands who urged her to visit the local physician.

Yesterday evening, a tribute band played in our performing arts center and TBC, sis, bro-in-law and I were seated close to the front. Though it pains me to say it, after a similar show several years ago I earned quite the infamous rep after boogying to this band and the moniker, "Wild Thing" was bestowed upon me. While in line before the auditorium opened, several coworkers felt the need to remind me of my past frisky gyrations but I assured them there would be a much more sedate Ms. Circe in attendance on this night. I feel certain they were disappointed. Indeed I was a paragon of virtue, but the same could not be said for all members of the spirited audience. As entertaining as the show was, several students in the front row put a diverting show of their own by making sophomoric asses of themselves with silly dancing and occasional heckling. By far the most distracting exhibition was the snockered coed I nicknamed "Snake Girl". Her continuous arm movements could best be described as slithering as all eyes watched her either swaying to the music, draped across the edge of the stage, bowing to the audience, or yelling out incoherent gibberish. At one point when both her arms were raised in the air (and oddly no music was playing), one of the guitarists glanced at her and yelled, "touchdown!" Odds are she’ll be summoned to the dean’s office today. During our absorbing confinement, a thin, white blanket of snow fell and continued to wend its way earthward from the darkened skies. An ideal ending to a peculiar day.

VD Update

For Valentine's Day, Richard sent me to the spa for a Pedicure... and then he took me out to eat at Keller in the Castle, which is now Castle Falls. I guess at some point in time in the last few years, the ownership has changed and the name was changed. However, rumor has it.... that the chef has stayed the same.

It was scrumptious! It's German food... and absolutely delicious! We also did some beer taste testing and Richard found the German beer i've been looking for! Many years ago I tasted a German beer in Arkansas that I just loved. I didnt know the name of it (because I couldnt pronounce it) but I knew it was a dark beer and had a sweet taste to it. We've sampled many a beer between the time we met and tonight and we've not been able to find the one.... but we found it!

I still don't know the name... cuz I still can't pronounce it, but Richard knows....

I love you baby... thanks for dinner and being persistent in finding the drink! You're an awesome date!!! I'm very lucky to have you..... *kisses*

Happy VD!

Happy Valentine's Day!

This is day 3 (or 4 if you count Sunday) of P's flu. He got up this morning and wanted to try to go to school, but within an hour of being there the school nurse called me and said P's temp was at 101 and he was groggy. So... I sent his Auntie to pick him up and I came home to baby him some more. Thankfully my job is one that I can work just about any time of the day and I can do part of it from home, so I'm working at night so I can be with him during the day.

A true test for a man - to see if he's really sick - is the food test. I bought P a pizza for lunch and he nibbled on one piece. Usually, he can put away 3 or 4 pieces. He also grabbed a piece of chocolate candy, took one bite and said 'that tastes weird' and threw it away.

He's definitely not feeling well.

Officious Offerings

MSN has just been very helpful with VD-related articles so to help those romantic souls out there in Blogland, here are the 10 worst V-Day gifts. For further discussion, their URL gives the reasons why, and some alternate gift-giving solutions. Enjoy! Personally, I prefer this site. :)

”Choosing the right gift can be quite a challenge: Too many frazzled sweethearts reach into the Valentine’s void for gift ideas and come up with something that’s just plain wrong. To help you avoid joining their ranks, we present the ten worst presents possible—and what to give your sweetie instead.”

1. Ye olde bouquet of red roses and baby’s breath
2. A box of assorted chocolates
3. Jewelry in a ring-sized box
4. Something girlie and decorative like a sachet, a candle holder, a silver
wishing stone
5. A cute stuffed animal bearing a message of love
6. Racy lingerie
7. Anything that could be considered a small appliance
8. A nice bottle of cologne or perfume
9. A tie
10. A gift certificate

Some Topfive.com’s Things Overheard on Valentine's Day

"A stuffed teddy bear, holding a heart? How utterly original."

"I now stand corrected -- there is *one* gift a woman does
*not* prefer to come in a small package."

“The jeweler said you'd never notice. Of course, he also
said he needed to move to another street corner because the
cops were closing in."

"How did you find a stuffed animal that looks exactly like
the neighbor's cat?"

"Troop levels aren't the only thing surging, baby."

"It's like a cosmic convergence -- Valentines Day and
Hump Day occurring simultaneously!"

"Everyone *else* gives chocolate hearts for Valentine's Day,
but I love you so much I went out and got you the real
thing. It's not easy finding a cow heart, you know."

"I *did* get you roses. I just skipped the middleman and
 sent them to your divorce lawyer."

"Technically, the lingerie doesn't make your ass look fat--the
chocolate hearts do that."

"Charles, I want you to take off *all* my clothes. You really
  don't look that good in lace."

"I don't understand it either, honey. It was smokin' hot on
the Victoria's Secret model."

"I said send it *FTD* -- not STD!"

"You had me at 'a dozen red roses will get you oral.'"

"No, not exactly... but I really, really LUST you."

"Sweetheart, guess what? I may be the father of Anna Nicole's 
  daughter!"

Aw what the heck, happy Victory/Viceroy/Vanquish Day, darlings! :)

Perplexing Pairings

From MSN Movies, we review wild disparity in supposed cozy couplings. Agree or disagree? You be the judge…

“Love is not only a battlefield but also a puzzle. Why do we so often experience an involuntary surge of romantic feelings for someone so utterly unsuitable? Here are 10 strikingly mismatched pairings found on film":

“Howard the Duck” (1986) with Lea Thompson and well, quick frankly, a king-sized duck.

"A scientific experiment unknowingly brings extraterrestrial life forms to the Earth through a laser beam. First is the cigar smoking drake Howard from the duck's planet. A few kids try to keep him from the greedy scientists and help him back to his planet. But then a much less friendly being arrives through the beam."

I did see this one and I have to admit how creepy it felt to watch Ms. Thompson get hot and bothered over a giant quacker. I refuse to mention what city this clunker is set in.

“Swamp Thing” (1982) with Ray Wise and Adrienne Barbeau.

"Dr. Alec Holland, hidden away in the depths of a murky swamp, is trying to create a new species - a combination of animal and plant capable of adapting and thriving in the harshest conditions. Unfortunately he becomes subject of his own creation and is transformed .Arcane, desperate for the formula attempts to capture the Swamp Thing. An explosive chase ensues that ultimately ends with a confrontation between Holland and a changed Arcane."

Oh brother.

“Edward Scissorhands” (1990) with Johnny Depp and Winona Ryder.

"A modern day fairy tale which tells the story of Edward, the man created by an inventor, who died before finishing him and left Edward with scissors where he should have hands. One day when the local Avon representative calls at the historic mansion where Edward has been living alone, she takes him home to stay with her family. He has to adapt to the new life and environment that he isn't used to. Soon he shows a talent in cutting hair and hedges, and wins every body's heart. But life isn't always so sweet."

Yes, it’s off-the-wall but I liked this unusual story.

"Six Days, Seven Nights" (1998) with Harrison Ford and Anne Heche.

"Taking a romantic tropical island week off with her boyfriend, an ambitious, decisive New York girl agrees to help her magazine out by covering a story on a neighboring island. The only plane available is piloted by a laid-back heavy drinker with whom she shares a mutual dislike. But she has no choice and he can't refuse the money. When the plane crash-lands on an uninhabited island with little chance of rescue they both wish they had made other arrangements - at least to start with."

I liked this one but mostly because Han Solo was the male lead. The chasm-like age gap and Anne’s mercurial gender choice made for viewer’s suspense of disbelief when viewing this flick.

"Frankie and Johnny"(1991) with Al Pacino and Michele Pfeiffer.

"Johnny has just been released from prison, and gets a job in a cafe beside waitress Frankie. Frankie is a bit of a loner, but Johnny is determined their romance will blossom."

Never saw it.

"As Good as It Gets"(1997) with Jack Nicholson and Helen Hunt.

"Melvin Udall, a cranky, bigoted, obsessive-compulsive writer, finds his life turned upside down when neighboring gay artist Simon is hospitalized and his dog is entrusted to Melvin. In addition, Carol, the only waitress who will tolerate him must leave work to care for her sick son, making it impossible for Melvin to eat breakfast."

Greg Kinnear was terrific but Jack and Helen as a couple was completely unbelievable.

"White Palace" (1990) with James Spader and Susan Sarandon.

"Max Baron (James Spader) is a 27-year-old high flying advertising executive still recovering from the death of his wife. One night he is in a bar when he meets Nora Baker (Susan Sarandon) a 43-year-old waitress with a fixation on Marilyn Monroe. The couple gradually fall in love, though age and social differences mean that the path of true love is strewn with problems."

Never saw it, but loved him in "Pretty in Pink" as the spoiled rich boy.

"Harold and Maude"(1971) with Bud Cort and Ruth Gordon.

"Harold is a depressed, death-obsessed 20-year-old man-child who spends his free time attending funerals and committing suicide in front of his mother, but he does not die. At a funeral, Harold befriends Maude, a 79-year-old woman who has a zest for life. She and Harold spend much time together during which she exposes him to the wonders and possibilities of life. After rejecting his mother's three attempts to set him up with a potential wife, and committing fake suicide in front of all of them, Harold announces that he is to be married to Maude. However, Maude has a surprise for Harold that is to change his life forever."

Never heard of him. Didn’t see this, but apparently it received good reviews. Pairing a 20-year old and an almost 80-year old is pushing the envelope.

"Monster’s Ball" (2001) with Billy Bob Thornton and Halle Berry.

"Set in the Southern United States, 'Monster's Ball' is a tale of a racist white man, Hank (played by Billy Bob Thornton), who falls in love with a black woman named Leticia (Halle Berry). Ironically Hank is a prison guard working on Death Row who executed Leticia's husband (Sean Combs). Hank and Leticia's interracial affair leads to confusion and new ideas for the two unlikely lovers."

Didn’t see this but Billy Bob doesn’t strike me as a good match for the lovely Ms. Berry.

"Beauty and the Beast" (1946) with two people no one’s ever heard of.

"A half-ruined merchant lives in the country with his son Ludovic and his three daughters. Two of the daughters, Felicie and Adelaide, are real shrews, selfish, pretentious, evil. They exploit the third daughter, Belle, as a servant. One day, the merchant gets lost in the forest and enters a strange castle. He picks up a rose for Belle and the castle's owner appear. He is a monster, half-human, half-beast, and possesses magic powers. He sentences the merchant to death, unless he give up one of his daughters. Belle sacrifices herself for her father and goes to the castle, discovering that the Beast is not so wild and inhuman as it seems."

There is also the 1991 animated version.

I sort of remember the fairy tale but plead innocent on having ever caught this flick.

I’m sure many others could be added to this list, but there you have it—incongruous couples on film.

Tis the Season for Kleenex

Today is day 2 of P's flu. Actually, I guess it could be day 3.... but I really wasnt counting sunday because we didn't stay in or anything. We ran around with him sick, not realizing how sick he was.

P is never sick. That kid is tough as nails and shakes off every snotty sneezing thing that comes his way but sunday I should have paid more attention. I woke up to him fully dressed in jeans and a sweater. This is the kid that strips at the front door.... chooses nudity over chocolate!

Sunday night he had a temp of 101, so I knew that it was highly possible that we might not be going to work/school on Monday. Sure enough. He was feverish, eyes all red, chest rattling, labored breathing, etc. I tried to get in to see his doctor but after 15 minutes of being on hold I said 'ahhhh screw it!' and we took off for the Urgent Care Center.

We nestled down in our chairs to wait for our names to be called, I chatted with a guy waiting and P dozed off to sleep. It wasnt but a few minutes later he sat straight up and said 'I think i'm going to throw up'. My pointer finger reacted and I very urgently commanded 'get to the bathroom!' He took off running for the door. *wheew, he made it* I heard the gut wrenching hurls and in a few minutes he opened the door.... and I spotted it. chunks all over the floor. He walked up to the nurses desk and told them he needed a cleanup on isle 5 *blah*

He said down (said he felt better... of course) and I asked him if he 'made it'. He said, 'not really. I got most of it on the floor and some in the sink'. My stomach churned. I don't do vomit. I'll be right along beside him if I have to go in there. I checked with the receptionist and she said they would clean it up and she tried to explain to me that it was 'ok'... that's why he's here. True.....

They got us in very quickly after that. lol He has Type A flu. I have no idea what that means... there is type A and type B... both are the flu. So, he has the flu.

On the way home, I called Richard to give him the results and I said 'he threw up his cookies in the doctors office!'. P looked at me and said 'no I didnt mom, it was bacon. I had bacon for breakfast.... not cookies'.

HAHAHAH that kid is so cute!

Amour Angst

Yes my darlings, we’ve come to that specific segment of time again. *audible sigh* I promise not to subject you to an entire week of anti-love verses penned by famous poets like I did last year but I just couldn’t resist sharing this article from MSN.

“When you're not in love, everyone else appears to be. No matter where you go, mushy couples scorch your corneas with their public displays of affection and cram their sweet nothings into your adjacent ears. And maybe you'd like to think it's lovely, but the truth is that you'd rather not be forced to remember. You don't want to think about how happy you once were, or how happy you could be again if only, or, especially, how happy you might never be again. And you definitely don't want to think about the possibility that your cat might be your longest-running relationship, like George Clooney and his pig (RIP, Max) because you're probably not one of the "sexiest people alive," and you can't afford to live high-on-the-hog in Italy.

Nothing epitomizes the single person's challenge quite like Valentine's Day—the one day each year that seems defined solely by gestures of romance: the delivery of red roses, thoughtful cards and phone calls, candlelight dinners, etc., ad nauseum. So this year, here's a suggestion: You can simply choose to hate love. I mean, really despise the sucker. Wear black. Spit on flowers. Fill your ears not with the sweet nothings of others but with the wails, moans and cries of musicians who have the decency to remind us of love's disastrous qualities."

You may read the specifics regarding each song at MSN Music’s URL, but here are their picks for the top “I Hate Love” songs of all time.

1. The J. Geils Band: “Love Stinks”

2. Def Leppard: “Love Bites”

3. Nazareth: “Love Hurts”

4. Kelly Clarkson: “The Trouble With Love Is”

5. Alanis Morissette: “You Oughta Know”

6. Maria McKee: “If Love is a Red Dress (Hang Me in Rags)”
7. Michael Buble with Holly Palmer: “Down With Love"

Tied for 8:

John Mayer: “I’m Gonna Find Another You”
Beyonce: “Irreplaceable”

9. The Dixie Chicks: “Hole in My Head”

10. Adam Sandler: "Somebody Kill Me"

To recap, love stinks, bites, and hurts. Sounds painful! :P

It's Not Special K

Apparently, I have a severe addiction problem.

To Strawberry Cheerios.

This weekend C and I had gone to the mall to do some shopping and afterwards we ran by Target to get a few things. On our list was milk and I ran down the cereal isle to get cereal. Specifically Cheerios. C said "mom! you have a serious problem! We already have cheerios" That is true, but we go through about 4 boxes a week and its stupid to buy one box at a time.

So I grabbed two.

C said "can't we get something different this time?"

No. We all like it... and I think we're all addicted. Cept C.... obviously.

I got home and opened up the pantry to 3 existing boxes of Cheerios (one Vanilla and two Strawberry)...I added the two new boxes.

If you need me, I'll be at my Cheerios anonymous meeting.

Jury Duty is Over!

I never did share the results of my Tour of Duty (Jury Duty).

I'm not sure how deep into details I can, or should get, but in the end 12 of us determined that this particular time this person was not guilty. We were pretty sure that he was up to no good and probably fixing to be in trouble, but at that particular time... he was not guilty of what he was being accused of - possession of drugs. Evidence did not prove his guilt beyond a shadow of a doubt.

So, after spending one whole year in jail awaiting a court date, he finally walked free. It was the hardest thing to not consider his previous felonies and choice of lifestyle and friends... but all we could consider was the evidence provided us. Boy, it sure it a little nerveracking to think that maybe, we were letting some major criminal go free simply due to lack of evidence on the prosecutors side.... but still, that's all we could go with. We felt, and still feel, confident in our decision.

I made some good contacts though... and a couple of new friends!

Now.... on to working on my taxes. blah!

Friday Foo Foo

Gratuitous kitty pics:



Did I just hear that contraption start up?


Waiting...

Finally!

It is good to be a woman:

1. We got off the Titanic first.
2. We can scare male bosses with the mysterious gynecological disorder excuses.
3 Taxis stop for us.
4. We don't look like a frog in a blender when dancing.
5. No fashion faux pas we make, could ever rival the Speedo.
6. We don't have to pass gas to amuse ourselves.
7. If we forget to shave, no one has to know.
8. We can congratulate our teammate without ever touching her rear end.
9. We never have to reach down every so often to make sure our privates are still there.
10. We have the ability to dress ourselves.
11. We can talk to the opposite sex without having to picture them naked.
12. If we marry someone 20 years younger, we are aware that we will look like an idiot.
13. We will never regret piercing our ears.
14. There are times when chocolate really can solve all your problems.
15. We can make comments about how silly men are in their presence because they aren't listening anyway.

Gimme the Chocolate

I came home from work tonight and Richard had set a bowl of M&M's on the side of the Jacuzzi tub in our bathroom. I reached in the bowl to grab me a few and I noticed that they had sayings on them. I thought it was like those confection candy hearts that you get as a kid (and as big kids) in the little boxes... you know the ones that have all those different little love lines. But... after closer inspection I saw my name! He had the M&M's specially made for me!!! He is the sweetest thing ever!

Gentlemen, Start Your Engines!

I'm a Dodge Viper!

You're all about raw power. You're tough, you're loud, and you don't take crap from anyone. Leave finesse to the other cars, the ones eating your dust.

Take the test here

Hells Bells

Two weekends ago, I went to a relative's wedding in town. I might as well get into the marriage mode as this is shaping up to be the Year of Relative Weddings. Three more are planned before the summer gasps its final fiery breath so this is just the initial kickoff for nuptial revelry. Yes, there were last minute hassles and typical stress, but the marriage came off without a hitch. During the music-filled reception, each different clan showed off their particular dance specialty and it was entertaining watching them strut their stuff.


I won’t bore you with dreary specifics, but here for your viewing pleasure is a shot of the groom’s cake. He’s in the landscaping business so this makes complete sense.

Is this cute or what?

Changes are afoot at Chaos College as glimmers of the promised expansion process on our selected building begin to take shape. Already we have orange mesh fencing surrounding the designated future work zones and yes, the nervous trees on this side will be spared. Our regular readers may recall the elation we office drones experienced last summer (The Floor Show) with the oogling construction workers and I’m anticipating a similar interaction when this new bunch of hard hats arrive. A little bird told me they begin next week and we can expect limited access to our structure along with all the other noises and aggravations associated with renovation procedures. This should be an interesting spring...

Turn Turn Turn

I’ve mentioned before the situation with our country roads and about the sort of people that traverse them. Often when a strange vehicle passes by, particularly on the weekends, they aren’t necessarily out to enjoy the scenery. More often than not it means their occupants are knocking back brewskies (and blithely tossing them out the window) or making vital purchases from our friendly neighborhood drug dealer. (Yeah, he lives a few houses down. Ain’t we speshul?) We have a very sharp turn about midway down our road and on more occasions that I can count, some clueless moron has overlooked/ignored/missed the very clearly marked road signs and sailed right through the hapless homeowner’s property plowing into his vulnerable fence. I shudder to think how often that poor guy has had to repair that sucker. It’s pretty much an inside joke for the dwellers up and down our lane as we continually view the repeated demolition. Lowe’s must wiggle with delight every time he shows up.

Monday night, TBC and I were talking to his cousin’s visiting relative about yet another accident. His cousin currently resides at the beginning of our road which is perpendicular to the busy main highway. Apparently sometime late Friday night, a drunken fool lacking intimate knowledge of our tricky terrain on this particular stretch of asphalt thought it wise and prudent to fly across it at an alarming rate of speed thus coming to an abrupt and unexpected halt when he ran out of road. While most of the nearby streets do indeed cross this busy thoroughfare, ours is the exception and the inebriated gentleman found that out the hard way. Cops were called, a hospital trip ensued, wrecker services were employed, and no doubt hefty DUI charges resulted from this “little mishap.” Living in the country. There’s rarely a dull moment. *sigh*

I'm Stylin'

Doesn’t this make an attractive accessory for my black sweater? Yes, I do realize it's backasswards but we are all proficient at deciphering mirror-speak, right? A gal in the financial aid office asked me to wear this sticker today and again tomorrow and I agreeably complied, but it just doesn’t do much for my ensemble.

And here is a pic of the startling object I found on the printer desk my plant perches on. Did I miss a vicious knife fight between rival gangs while I was blissfully walking the treadmill at lunch? At least it looked clean and ick-free.

To file in memory banks for next year’s blowout…

The Topfive.com’s 16 Signs You're at a Lame Super Bowl Party

16> Your friends cheer for the Budweiser Clydesdales and
groan at the Coors twins.

15> Your host serves plenty of crab cakes and Chesapeake
Lager,blissfully unaware that the Colts no longer play in
Baltimore.

14> Tough to hear the commentary over all the knitting.

13> Your host's homemade giant plasma screen TV is leaking
all over the carpet and he wants to know if you're type A
positive.

12> For the 250,000th time, some moron says, "Da Bearz!"

11> Your boss says, "As long as you're going to the break
room, why don't you make 20 copies of the Whittaker proposal."

10> Your drunken buddy casually mentions how much better the
game would be if offensive lineman wore only thongs.

9> You miss the opening kickoff when your host insists on
watching the last five minutes of a "Will & Grace" rerun.

8> No one is allowed to do a Jell-O shot without first
hearing the host's Bill Cosby impression.

7> The guy who organized it refers to fondue as "FUNdue."

6> TV's broken, game's on the radio and Earl and Danny are
reenacting the action using marionettes.

5> "Like those Tofurkey nachos, Bob? The Tupperware bowl
they're in comes in six attractive colors for only $6.99."

4> Who knew Costco even *made* beer?!

3> After every botched play, your host, a former pro football
star, insists on showing you how he would have done it--if
he had done it.

2> "Okay, everyone: Whenever that Peyton guy throws a
touchdown, we each do a sudoku!"

1> The only wardrobe malfunction involves too much Zima and
your own man-boob.

Deranged entities stumbled their way to our preshus blog thanks to these recently-searched phrases. Though not nearly as entertaining, bizarre and gutbustingly funny as Kranki’s, this list it is nevertheless quite the eye-opener.

-spitting cobra fountain

-sagittarius female alcohol

-cold cut trio happy Gilmore

-eye of newt hangover

-cooties bug pictures

-the witches prosthetics photos

-guy sat on his face

-cats with broken tails

-a voice so husky she could pull a sled with it

-crotch itch after consuming alcohol

-braless fun

-blogging to find companionship

That last one is kind of sweet actually, but I’m very concerned about the party looking for witches with photogenic prosthetics. ;)

Tour of Duty

Day one of Jury Duty has finally come to a close!

I have only lived in this county for less than one year and already i've been summons for Jury Duty. Today, while doing mindless chitchat with one of the 400 other people crammed like sardines in a court room, I learned that he had somehow escaped the call of duty for 20 years! I have been summons at least 10 times in the past 15 years! How does this happen. What is it that i'm doing wrong.... to get drawn so many times in this duty drawing!?

I arrived at the courthouse early enough to get a front row parking spot in the parking garage. I gathered my things: gum, water, laptop and juror ID, and headed into the court house. When I got to the 5th floor, there was a line forming so I dashed in the bathroom.... tinkled.... and dashed out to find the line had grown by about 30 people. We stood for about 30 minutes and then one by one they filed us in the room, scanned our badges and had us take a seat. To wait.

We waited and waited. I watched the girl across the isle from me fall asleep, and when awoken by the guy next to her, she slung slobber all over her neck and dribbled it down her chin. Another man became irritable when he learned he would not be 'out of here' by noon. The Deputy in the room explained (as kindly as he could) that the little guy just had to be patient and wait for his name to be called to a court room... there was no other way around it.

After hours of sitting, I pulled out my laptop to do some surfing and email. However, there was no internet access available! ugh. ugh UGH! I text'd Richard and begged him to come pick me up for lunch. He and Eric made the trek across town (thank you guys.... you're both so precious!!!) to take me somewhere... anywhere.... to grab some grub. They had instructed us to not move our vehicles or we'd not be able to find a parking place when returning and we'd have to pay parking again.

At 1:30pm, I began my tour of sitting again. I nestled into my church pew and turned to look behind me only to see a man digging for the most stubborn booger i'd ever seen. I almost tossed my lunch. He dug and dug.... blah!!! This morning I had a guy coughing in my hair... so I moved... and now I have booger digger!

I partnered up with another laptop user and we swapped computer stories and played solitaire... which is how I spent the rest of the day! Finally, my name was called and I've been assigned to some jury selection and I'll be returning. Oh the Joy.

Bowl Me Over

It came as no shock that the Colts galloped past the lumbering Bears, and though the first touchdown certainly got everyone’s attention, the game itself proved to be quite a bore. However, Billy Joel’s straightforward rendition of the National Anthem was most appreciated considering how many others insist upon adding superfluous notes. And Prince did a decent job as half time entertainment despite concern for the safety of his frantically twirling backup dancers and potential electrocution of his royal highness during the persistent (purple) rain. And speaking of precipitation, I wondered how those doofuses shelling out big bucks to take up space at the stadium felt about their soggy accommodations? Fox Sports enlightened us.

Officially, less than a half-inch of rain fell on Dolphin Stadium throughout the day. Yet the persistent drizzle, combined with northeast winds that gusted to 21 mph, made the Super Bowl soggy and sloppy. Virtually everyone on both sidelines wore raincoats or jackets. Players sometimes slipped on the turf. Uniforms were soaked through by halftime and there were large pockets of empty seats - a most unusual occurrence at a Super Bowl, where face value seats cost at least $600 apiece. Jordan Gardner, 20, paid more than $5,000 for two seats in Section 416, near midfield along the Indianapolis sideline in the top deck of Dolphin Stadium. He and companion Katie Lee of New Canaan, Conn. skipped the halftime show with Prince - who won a Grammy for "Purple Rain," which he performed in what seemed like a fitting touch.

I’m going to have to side with Slate on the status of this year’s pricey, over-hyped commercial offering. “With minor exceptions, the ads this year were disappointingly small and instantly forgettable.” None could really be called exceptional but here are the few I felt were mildly amusing along with comments from Fox.

Bud Light, “Mind of Mencia”

Comedy Central's Carlos Mencia teaches a classroom full of people of various cultures of ethnicity how to ask for a Bud Light in various dialects and ethnic speak. Punchline is, if you get asked for your Bud Light, you don't speak English.

Chevy, “All-male Car Wash”

While this one would appear to be Chevy throwing a bone to the female viewers, I think it was actually a way to make all the fat men watching the Super Bowl feel better about their own bodies. Shout-out to the naked, guitar-playing cowboy who pops in at the end. Did they have to fly him in from Times Square?

GM, "Robot Unemployment"

A robot gets laid off at GM, looks for other work, has no luck, and goes to a bridge, looking to end it all. It was pretty funny up until this point, and you were waiting for some humorous payoff. But then the robot jumped ... then woke up from a dream sequence and found itself back at work. Not just a creepy ending, but unintentionally representative of the actual state of the American automaking industry.

Emerald Nuts, “Low Blood Sugar”

The Super Bowl is legendary for bringing extremely old-school stars back from wherever they've been hiding for the last decade (in most cases either Vegas or Branson, Mo.) and allowing them to star in very expensive commercials. And this year is no exception, as Robert Goulet is wreaking office havoc. Now while I normally don't approve of bringing former stars back from the dead in Super Bowl ads, the notion of Goulet causing trouble while the office is suffering from low blood sugar is pretty funny.

Chevy, “All-male Car Wash:

While this one would appear to be Chevy throwing a bone to the female viewers, I think it was actually a way to make all the fat men watching the Super Bowl feel better about their own bodies. Shout-out to the naked, guitar-playing cowboy who pops in at the end. Did they have to fly him in from Times Square?

And finally, one we could have all done without seeing:

Flomax, "Here's to Guys"

Here's to guys who want to spend more time watching the game and less time in the men's room." It's like they're talking to the FOXSports.com newsroom. But I digress. It's really long past time where advertisers are permitted to shill drugs for men's health problems on sporting events. Legislation is necessary. Please call your congressman.

All in all, a mediocre showing...

Super Duper

The excitement is building for our revered annual Superbowl extravaganza as all America gears up for the most pervasive nationwide football party ever. And I’m snuggled up right smack in the middle of these enthusiastic throngs. My dilemma is that I don’t much mind which team wins the championship as I have no strong pull toward or against either one. Normally I take into consideration the geographical location in reference to home base but in this case, both are out of Midwestern states and there really isn’t much difference. Therefore, the organizer that I am felt the need to tally up the pros and cons in order to make an informed decision. These somewhat lame, personal considerations came into play while reflecting on my choices.

Colts

1. Peyton Manning has been my FFB QB for the last several years and I really can’t lay the blame on him for my FFB failings.

2. Indiana is my state’s next door neighbor which can make for close, fuzzy ties or aggressive sibling rivalry. *glares at Pittsburgh*

3. I’ve driven through Indianapolis on I-70 on NE trips.

4. TBC and bro-in-law are rooting for the Colts and I love playing devil’s advocate.

Bears

1. They are also perched next to a Great Lake.

2. My mom was born there.

3. One of their team colors is orange and being a Browns fan, I have much in the way of citrus-hued accessories and clothing.

4. Several of my cousins reside in Chicago.

And yet, none of these enumerated facts were of much help in picking the all-important preference. Next, I googled “Who is Cleveland rooting for in the Superbowl?” and came across some savvy hometown perspective. Mike from God Hates Cleveland Sports had this to say:

CHICAGO BEARS

Pros: A kick-ass defense is what football is all about. Chicago is almost a sister city to Cleveland. Or at least a parent city, cuz it's the city we want to grow up to be. And though the Bears is one of the NFL's storied franchises, they've been fairly downtrodden over the last 10 years or so for their 1985 Super Bowl championship.

Cons: The Bears are still living off of that 1985 Super Bowl championship. Then there's the White Sox, Michael Jordan, and the World's Largest Tavern a.k.a Wrigley Field, where the Cubs perennially disappoint. They got plenty in Chicago, they don't need another Super Bowl title.

INDIANAPOLIS COLTS

Pros: Peyton Manning is one of the NFL's good guys, even if he does throw his offensive line or defense or idiot kicker under the bus every now and then. Tony Dungy is a class act. And they've been a fun offense to watch for years.

Cons: It's the Colts fault the Browns moved to Baltimore to begin with. First, they drafted John Elway, then didn't want to pay him enough money, so he held out and went to Denver. While there, he crushed Browns fans dreams. Then the Colts snuck out of Baltimore, leaving a gaping hole that Art Modell eventually filled.

After much soul-searching deliberation, I have decided to throw my support to the Chicago Bears (sorry TC!) and dug through my closet to find appropriately-hued attire. Glued to the TV, I’ll be resplendent in bright orange jeans and a navy Rip Curl surf shirt complemented by numerous orange accessories (see above) as I once again play hostess with the mostest to our regular posse. A panoramic spread of gastronomic delights washed down with a steady flow of Genesee beer will grace the groaning table. Pictures are promised as we pay homage to this most glorious of all national holidays, Superbowl Sunday. In conclusion, GO BEARS!!!