Bowl Me Over

It came as no shock that the Colts galloped past the lumbering Bears, and though the first touchdown certainly got everyone’s attention, the game itself proved to be quite a bore. However, Billy Joel’s straightforward rendition of the National Anthem was most appreciated considering how many others insist upon adding superfluous notes. And Prince did a decent job as half time entertainment despite concern for the safety of his frantically twirling backup dancers and potential electrocution of his royal highness during the persistent (purple) rain. And speaking of precipitation, I wondered how those doofuses shelling out big bucks to take up space at the stadium felt about their soggy accommodations? Fox Sports enlightened us.

Officially, less than a half-inch of rain fell on Dolphin Stadium throughout the day. Yet the persistent drizzle, combined with northeast winds that gusted to 21 mph, made the Super Bowl soggy and sloppy. Virtually everyone on both sidelines wore raincoats or jackets. Players sometimes slipped on the turf. Uniforms were soaked through by halftime and there were large pockets of empty seats - a most unusual occurrence at a Super Bowl, where face value seats cost at least $600 apiece. Jordan Gardner, 20, paid more than $5,000 for two seats in Section 416, near midfield along the Indianapolis sideline in the top deck of Dolphin Stadium. He and companion Katie Lee of New Canaan, Conn. skipped the halftime show with Prince - who won a Grammy for "Purple Rain," which he performed in what seemed like a fitting touch.

I’m going to have to side with Slate on the status of this year’s pricey, over-hyped commercial offering. “With minor exceptions, the ads this year were disappointingly small and instantly forgettable.” None could really be called exceptional but here are the few I felt were mildly amusing along with comments from Fox.

Bud Light, “Mind of Mencia”

Comedy Central's Carlos Mencia teaches a classroom full of people of various cultures of ethnicity how to ask for a Bud Light in various dialects and ethnic speak. Punchline is, if you get asked for your Bud Light, you don't speak English.

Chevy, “All-male Car Wash”

While this one would appear to be Chevy throwing a bone to the female viewers, I think it was actually a way to make all the fat men watching the Super Bowl feel better about their own bodies. Shout-out to the naked, guitar-playing cowboy who pops in at the end. Did they have to fly him in from Times Square?

GM, "Robot Unemployment"

A robot gets laid off at GM, looks for other work, has no luck, and goes to a bridge, looking to end it all. It was pretty funny up until this point, and you were waiting for some humorous payoff. But then the robot jumped ... then woke up from a dream sequence and found itself back at work. Not just a creepy ending, but unintentionally representative of the actual state of the American automaking industry.

Emerald Nuts, “Low Blood Sugar”

The Super Bowl is legendary for bringing extremely old-school stars back from wherever they've been hiding for the last decade (in most cases either Vegas or Branson, Mo.) and allowing them to star in very expensive commercials. And this year is no exception, as Robert Goulet is wreaking office havoc. Now while I normally don't approve of bringing former stars back from the dead in Super Bowl ads, the notion of Goulet causing trouble while the office is suffering from low blood sugar is pretty funny.

Chevy, “All-male Car Wash:

While this one would appear to be Chevy throwing a bone to the female viewers, I think it was actually a way to make all the fat men watching the Super Bowl feel better about their own bodies. Shout-out to the naked, guitar-playing cowboy who pops in at the end. Did they have to fly him in from Times Square?

And finally, one we could have all done without seeing:

Flomax, "Here's to Guys"

Here's to guys who want to spend more time watching the game and less time in the men's room." It's like they're talking to the FOXSports.com newsroom. But I digress. It's really long past time where advertisers are permitted to shill drugs for men's health problems on sporting events. Legislation is necessary. Please call your congressman.

All in all, a mediocre showing...