Another Way to Do Squats

In public restrooms you always use the toilet seat covers and if there aren't any available, you improvise and line the seat with toilet paper. Sometimes, you have to just hover. (Use the leg muscles to hold yourself up while you pee... so you dont touch the nastiness on the seat).

There are some restrooms where you cover the seat with the liner and hover anyways. It was just that nasty.

Dillards Department Store.

I HATE WALMART

Note: lots of graphic language in this one.

I will never go there again! I f'ing hate that place! Besides the fact they hire the nasty of the nasties and their checkers are never checking.... they have the most idiotic register program for self-checkout!

I never do self checkout because it never works. Ever. EVER! But today I was just getting some gum so I thought surely, it could handle one little item.

I scanned my gum and hit the button to pay. I had a gift card (whole other f'ing walmart story. I did a return and instead of giving me my money back, they insisted on doing a flipping giftcard!), so I chose that little button for Wal-Mart gift cards. It said 'swipe your card', so I swiped.

THEN it said 'this card not recognized' and went back to the 'please swipe your card' screen. I double checked the card. Yep... definately a Wal-Mart gift card (thought maybe i'd grabbed my Express card instead or something). I swiped again. Nothing. So I waved over the old geezer working the 'Self-Checker - because all of our crap is just a POS - helper counter' and told him that I swiped the gift card but it said it wasn't recognized. He asked "is it a Wal-Mart gift card?" Well.... its SAYS Wal-Mart on it! I said... yes...

He then starts this shit:
Geezer: How many times did you swipe?
Me: twice
Geezer: Well, lets look at what this little lady is doing.

He shifted our attention to the wal-mart scanner screen... NOT the paypad where you scan your card and complete your transaction... which is where all of this crap had been taking place.

Me: why do I care? I just want to use that card
Geezer: Well, what is she doing? Lets watch her and see what she does.
Me: No. It says my card is not recognizable.
Geezer: If you watch, you will see that she is doing this *takes hand and waves it over the scanner*

Yea, i'm totally not seeing that AND since I can read English, i'm reading the card reader machine and doing what it tells me. IT's not taking the card.

Geezer: Just watch and you tell me what she is doing.

I'm so totally pissed at this moment that I'm fixing to pop the old goat in the jaw. I look around to see if a manager happens to be walking by so I can get this old shit in trouble.
I'm not paying attention, and it's obvious to him that he's fixing to die because i'm going to choke the ever loving shit out of him.

Geezer: Let me show you.

He takes my card and swipes it over the scanner and then the little lady in the picture changes back to the opening screen as if to start scanning again.

Geezer: See, you needed to scan it.
Me: The card reader said to SWIPE the card again.
Geezer: You need to watch the picture and she will show you what to do. It said scan.
Me: No. I know what it said and it said SWIPE THE CARD AGAIN.

I ripped my receipt out of his hand and headed to the door.

Geezer: I'm sorry to embarrass you!

I stopped dead in my tracks and turned around to tell him 'oh, I am NOT embarrassed!' I was so pissed off at the highest point of pisstivity it wasnt even funny! He was two seconds away from getting the crap beat out of him.

OBVIOUSLY from his desire to give lessons, they have problems with their little POS system. Why in the world would anyone swipe their card to pay and go BACK to watch the little girl to see what she did when on the keypad it SAID to swipe the card again!? There is a difference between swipe and scan.

I will Never go to Wal-Mart again.

Target it where it's at.

Little Puffs of Air

The last few weeks I've been going to yoga class. I was hesitant in the beginning, because of all the pretzel-like positions I was afraid i'd hurt my lower back even more than the car wreck did, but i've found that it's helped. I'm guessing all the stretching is a good thing because for the first time in months I havent battled daily lower back aches and pains.

My sis and I had discussed heading out to the Hornets game last night, but that meant we'd miss our new-found love. Yoga. Seeing the Hornets play meant, money spent and fattening food... Yoga meant stretching and strengthening and relaxation. We went to Yoga.

The class was almost a complete 50/50 male/female class. My sis was in front of me and Richard behind me. Next to Sheri and I were two men, and next to Richard was an older woman. We twisted and stretched for a good half hour when we headed for the floor for some ab work. We reached and crunched and raised and lowered legs and then heard 'ppfffffttttttttttttttt'

Someone farted!

Sheri and I, being the fun-loving girls that we are, looked at each other and busted up laughing. We laughed as quietly as we could but we rolled... it was uncontrollable! I knew for sure the teacher lady was going to seperate us. Richard gave us dirty stares as if to say 'shut the hell up!' Which made us laugh even harder. I'd get all settled down and dang it if I didnt look at Sheri and she's silently laughing with her face buried in the mat. I could see her body bouncing as if on a trampoline. I'd crack up again. I leaned over and said 'if you dont stop... you're gonna make me laugh so hard I'll fart!'

She laughed even more.... and clinched her butt to make sure she didn't rip one.

We kind of got it under control when it was time to roll over on our tummies to do lower back. We reached back to grab our ankles and bow our backs and directly in front of me was the culprit. My face was directly in the line of fire and I could see his butt cheeks clinched. I busted up laughing. Sheri laughed. We settled down... then I looked at Richard and saw that he was faced the same way we were (all serious and deeply into his stretch), however the ONE and ONLY person in the room that chose to face the opposite way was the lady next to him and she was holding her ankles with her back bowed.... looking directly at him with her boobs hanging out all over the place! They were all up in Richard's face. He could have latched on and nursed those suckers. I busted up laughing. He was trying to look down. I looked at Sheri, she was looking and busted up laughing.

*couple more of Richard's 'shut the hell up' looks inserted here*

After class, Richard grabbed his mat and walked past us out the door! Sheri said 'whats wrong with him!?' I had no idea. We walked out and he was gone. She said 'where did Richard go!?' I told her he must have gone to the bathroom... and complete silence between the two of us. She looked at me and said 'you don't think maybe it was Richard that farted, do you!?!?!?'

We cracked up laughing! Laughed all the way to the front door... got outside and Richard asked us 'what the heck is going on!?!?' We asked him if he ripped one... he said NO! So we told him the whole story...

He said he was trying so hard not to look at the lady with the jugs and was staring at the floor because she was 'right there'. He could have reached out and touched her. She was staring right into his eyes the entire time we were in that position.

He said.... 'you two are crazy!!!' muuuuahahahhaha THEN he adds that we're like Beavis and Butthead. Sheri is Butthead. lol

Next class, I bet Sheri and I get seperated. Just like in school.

Ego Annie

Isn’t it funny how an unexpected phone call can bring memories flooding back? Last week I was left a voicemail from a name I most definitely knew from the distant, fog-shrouded past. Ah yes, Annie. Our youthful, spoiled, blonde minion who thought she was better than all the rest of us combined. Back in the stone age, my office was across the hallway as I assisted a different department and Ms. Annie briefly played the role of switchboard operator. Several operators have come and gone during my employment here and I’ve experienced amicable relations with one and all, until her... Lovely though she was, her lowly rank failed to squelch her lofty opinion of herself as she felt she deserved all the amenities due those of lengthier employment and more complex duties. Hence the clash. No, it wasn’t overt, but it was subtly felt and completely discerned nevertheless. I recall two specific occasions when we went toe-to-toe on this difference of opinion. Switchboard chicks usually took their lunch hour later than the majority of employees as a fill-in was required to relieve them. Ms. Wonderful insisted on a noon lunch hour to coincide with her darling husband’s schedule. My spineless boss meekly caved in to her demands and had us alternate the coveted hour. Demerits for him. On another occasion, a beloved coworker passed away and though the princess’ employment had been very brief and her passing acquaintance with this colleague extremely suspect, our precocious child petulantly begged to attend the funeral and once again my jellyfish superior capitulated and asked me to stay behind. These and other instances kept a cordial relationship from developing but one day I discovered a closely-guarded secret she had kept from everyone and my whole attitude changed. After her daily noon visit to a local diner accompanied by her better half, she made a speedy pit-stop into the ‘think tank’ before returning to her afternoon duties. I happened to be the next visitor and my horrified eyes discovered the undisclosed mystery behind her weight maintenance program. There to my wondrous eyes was obvious evidence of undigested food that had stubbornly refused to flush. I felt shock followed by deep sadness. How could I dislike this troubled soul after stumbling upon this closely-guarded skeleton? My dislike for her evaporated like the morning mist and it wasn’t long after that she moved on to greener pastures. I hope she slew those inner demons and that her life has since followed smoother pathways.

hugs,

circe

Morning Drive

It's no secret that i'm not a big fan of Julia Roberts but it always seems i'm the only one that has such disinterest in her or her acting. Her starring in a movie is not going to draw me closer to seeing it. Chances are, i'll skip it.

BUT this morning while listening to my beloved Rock 100.5 THE KATT, Rick and Brad were discussing Hollywood's hottest moms (of course Angelina Jolie Pitt came first) and in the lineup was Julia Roberts. One of them was listing the momma's... and when it came to Julia, the other one said 'no! She grosses me out. She is not hot!'

Thank you! Thank you very much. Someone finally sees it my way! She isn't 'Pretty Woman' and should not have been cast in that movie. She has the same dorky screaming loud laugh in every movie which I remember first being in Pretty Woman. It seems like she plays the same charcter, different movie title.

They continued on with the list: Angelina, Reese Witherspoon, Gwenyth Paltrow, Demi Moore, and then got to talking about Demi Moore's oldest daughter, Rumer.

You know how Brad Pitt and Angelina had Shiloh and she's the prettiest little baby!? She has two gorgeous parents and they made a beautiful child. Well here's a case where two good looking people did not create beautiful offspring. This oldest daughter got the worst traits of each parent and it's not pretty. She looks like a Mr Potato Head with all the wrong parts.

I never did think she was attractive either.

Ready for a Break

Yipppeeee! Next week is spring break which means a much more relaxed work week. I don't get the week off - like I did at Chaos College, but tons of people are taking vacation time so it will be slim pickens around here..... which means a lighter load of work. Plus, the weather is supposed to be nice until Wednesday (storms for a few days).

Tomorrow is St Patrick's day! What a great way to start the break!!! My friend Tiffany is planning on coming to visit us and we're heading out to celebrate St Patty's. I'm not sure on where we're going.... but we're going. Last year Richard had so much green beer, he pee'd green. lol That was fun... we didn't know if it would turn your p green, so we keep coloring his drinks.... and sure enough! You can pee green. :)

Happy St Patty's Day everyone!!!!

Happy Happy Joy Joy

Yep, just a few more hours and we’ll all fling off our stuffy office attire (ok, it’s actually been proclaimed a jeans and college shirt day) and joyfully leap into the freedom-filled sunshine. Listen closely this afternoon and you will hear the resounding crack of constraints being gleefully broken as we race each other for the door. Though just 10 am, I vainly listen for the sound of youthful voices filling the hallways but alas, most have either been given early dismissal or have already taken off to get a jump on their vacation activities. Also, these past few weeks have seen intensive office-switching as we clear out the other side of the hallway in preparation for the expected inside renovation. Eventually this department will be relegated to the bowels of the building when cosmetic changes force our evacuation but that won’t be for several months. At any rate, next week I hope to post from my sleek playtoy and keep you abreast of any blog-worthy excitement.

The Topfive.com’s 16 Worst Excuses for Being Late for Work

16. "Actually, I've been here for over 20 minutes, big guy -- I was just out chillin' in the van waiting for the end of the live version of 'Freebird'."

15. "I keep forgetting which side of the International Date Line you're on."

14. "We're *open* on Tuesdays?!?"

13. "It took this long to get the ol' blood alcohol level down to the legal driving limit."

12. "I had to take extra time this morning to wrestle with overwhelming aggressive impulses by reassuring myself that nothing would happen today that would push me over the edge."

11. "My proctologist got stuck."

10. "It was Senator Kennedy's turn to drive today, so I've spent the last hour swimming."

9. "I'm late because I was on the phone trying to get *your* shipping department to send the company's office supplies directly to the winner of my eBay auction."

8. "Hey, time becomes meaningless when you're as strung out on crystal meth as I am."

7. "Sorry, sir. I overslept and dreamt I had a dead-end job, a windowless office and a humorless baboon for a boss."

6. "Heidi Klum refused to untie me."

5. "On the second Tuesday of the month, the Campho-Phenique man comes by to fill the drum for my home supply of industrial-strength anti-canker sore gel."

4. "I'm sorry, boss, but I had to stop to get you -- uh -- this box of ten donuts."

3. "It took me a little longer than normal to hide my disdain this morning... Sir."

2. "My dog ate my presentation, sir. And by 'my dog' I mean your wife, and by 'ate my presentation' I mean 'was boinking me'."

1. "These are not the 'droids you're looking for."

Smooches,
circe ;)

Oh, and my pier opens tomorrow!
http://www.avalonpier.com/piercam.html

Drop a Bomb

A few years ago I ran around with a girl who was a Funeral Home Director. We'd probably still be running around, but men got in the way. (She ran off to another town and got married... never to be seen again!) Anyways... during our friendship (we're still friends, we just don't get to see each other much because life is demanding) I learned a ton of things about death and the human body that probably a teeny tiny percentage of the real world know and the rest don't care to know. Some things are just gross!

The one thing i've always remembered was the poop talk. She told me that people can typically be carrying up to ten pounds of pooh in their bowels and you'd be amazed at how much they see when they are working on bodies.

So that makes me think. Wrestlers, when trying to make weight, take laxatives to clean out their system which helps them shed a few pounds. They pull on sweat suits and run in steamy showers to sweat off a few ounces. What about flatulance? If you can poop and drop a couple of pounds... what about when you rip a big toot? Do you drop weight then? When you're all gassy your stomach swells and then when you pass it (top or bottom) your stomach is relieved and the bubble reduces. So does that mean a few ounces (or pounds depending on how fart-ridden you are!) lost?

These are thoughts I ponder at 6am while standing (still asleep) in the shower...

Spring in Our Step

I am so enjoying the warm weather we’ve been experiencing these past several weeks. Of course, this month is known for coming in like a lion and going out like a lamb so changes could easily occur throughout this designated time frame. Everyone is thrilled to pieces that Spring Break is right around the corner (next week) which explains all the loose end tying before we bid our students a fond adieu and kick their sorry asses out the door. I have been really diligent about working out at noon but I foresee a huge downhill slide to Flaccid Muscleville as my lunch hours are pretty well booked what with departmental lunches and a much anticipated hair appointment. Nevertheless, I hope to take advantage of this extended pleasant weather and do a lot of outdoor walking to stay in shape. I’ll need it considering all the gastronomic goody-baking I hope to accomplish. :)

Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby (2006)

“Lifelong friends and national idols Ricky Bobby (Will Ferrell) and Cal Naughton Jr. (John C. Reilly) have earned their NASCAR stripes with their uncanny knack of finishing races in the 1^st and 2^nd slots, respectively. But when rival French driver Jean Girard (Sacha Baron Cohen) coasts onto the track to challenge the duo, they’ll have to floor it to retain their status as top dogs.”

If Will Ferrell is in it, one can count of sophomoric humor, but all in all this was a funny movie. Though not a NASCAR aficionado, even I was caught up in the roar of the revving engines and the relentless drive to be Number 1. *makes zoomy noises*

He Did What???

While yanking K’s brown strands through the frosting cap yesterday, she stunned the bajibbies out of me by letting a long-concealed cat out of the proverbial bag. (So of course I’m sharing it with you.) Now I realize I’m about as vanilla and white bread as they come and most people would shrug this off as not worth a second thought, but this juicy (haha) revelation sent me reeling through space and time and I was barely able to stay upright and continue Tress Duty. It all started with a discussion of Scrubs and how much we are enjoying catching up by sequentially viewing it on disc. K mentioned how hilarious the ass-box episode was and I added that I was sure every hospital could chime in with horror stories of its own. Apparently, Podunkville would be included in this roster thanks to our close, personal friend, M. It seems about five years ago he was experimenting with a sex toy in the wee hours of the night in the privacy of his bedroom and got the petulant device stuck up his rather large, pasty white ass. Still vibrating. An embedded, pulsating, quivering dildo crammed up the ole poopshoot. Oh.My.God. Not wanting to ‘disturb’ his sleeping parental units, he drove himself to the ER to undergo the painful separation procedure, not forgetting to ask for the contraption back. Thanks to sedation, he was forced to call his best friend’s wife to retrieve him from said institution and rather than admit to this embarrassing predicament he fobbed it off as having suddenly experienced a blockage of sorts thus necessitating this hush-hush outing. Now he might have gotten away with it but as the "Irony gods" were gaily watching over this ticklish situation, this was not to be. The reason his best friend’s wife was the designated driver was that her spouse was working the night shift and his coworker just happened to be married to the ER nurse on duty that fateful night. Oh yeah. The characters involved carefully kept the tale under lock and key but now we know the real story....Stylists are privy to the tastiest tidbits, aren't they? ;)

Cow Pokes

Saturday was a jammed packed day of activities at my house. We began at 8am with soccer and finished up with that shortly after lunch. Then met Richard's family for his sister's birthday bash/dinner and promptly wrapped that up to run off with my sister to the Rodeo.

I am not the Rodeo type, nor are any of my friends or immediate family, but Sheri got these tickets from a friend of hers.... we thought we'd go and have a great time doing something new!

We finally found the place (thank God for Google Maps), got parked and started making the hike thru all the big mondo trucks to the arena. The 'aroma' was not like chocolate chip cookies baking on a warm spring day. No, this was more like pooh... no... it was more like baked pooh.

Our first stop was at the bathroom - where Sheri and I had to do a Glamour Shot to record this moment in history. Our first (and last) stop at the Rodeo bathroom.


Richard and P waited (im)patiently outside for us.


Our seats were on the opposite side of the arena, and it took us three college graduates more time to figure out how to 'get to the other side' than it would take a two year old to master ... well, anything! We finally figured out that we were supposed to walk thru all the animals to get to the other side. Immediately we were not enchanted with the nights activities... so we snapped pics.



We thought we'd get to see bull riding, but the entire time we were there (a whopping 30 minutes) they did calf roping. That is the meanest thing to watch! Sheri and I did more screaming and squeeling than anything. It was obvious we were out of our comfort zone... as we made spectacles of ourselves by cringing and jabbering endlessly about how cruel the poor little calf was being treated!


For those of you that don't know.... the smell of ass coupled with nacho cheese... is NOT appealing.


Just because we were bored.


Sheri suffers from animal allergies so her health was our greatest concern. lol She made us leave (so heart broken) so she could go home, take a shower to get the animal hairs off of her, get some breathing drugs and get fresh air.


The End.

The Kid in Me

Last night as I lay my sweet little head down on my pillow, the conversation went like this:

Richard: Did you watch Sesame Street when you were little?
Me: yeah
R: Then you know Snuffy?
Me: Mr Snuffleupagus? yes! I've never heard him called Snuffy, but why?
R: I cant believe you can't remember or say STREP-UH-COCK-US but you can remember and say perfectly, Mr Snuffleupagus. I see where your mind is.
Me: of course! I'd never forget him. I didn't watch Sesame Street all that much, I liked Electric Company more.. it was more action!

ok, well the conversation keeps going... but Richard was trying to point out to me that Strepacocopotomus (used in my post yesterday) was not correct. Yes, i know that... but I am not sure how to spell it and I didnt want to google it and everyone knows what i'm talking about anyway because I dont think anyone knows how to say it correctly except for Richard and probably P because those two know everything.

But, I do know Mr Snuffleupagus!

Ballbuster

As I gracefully walked the gym’s treadmill at noon, I got to observing the trio lifting weights in front of me. I’m assuming they are our students as the ID card requirement is in effect but I had never seen them in the gym before. This gang consisted of two burly, tattooed guys with one diminutive gal. She would help spot the one guy and then they would change places and help her. She yelled a lot so you know they piled on the weights. After they finished their lifting routine, they headed for the basketball hoop across the floor. Rather than shoot hoops, they decided it would be wise and prudent to employ that sphere as a volleyball and send it flying in my vicinity. This did not sit well with me, nor has it ever done so. Do you know how it feels to have oversized balls hurtling toward your head? Er, well maybe you do but this is the freaky, scary, could knock-you-unconscious kind! And of course they placed two people on the side that faced an uncaring wall and only one to half-heartedly cover the side opening toward the machines. Well anyway, the male student worker did nothing about this deplorable state of affairs but continued to do his personal workout oblivious to this blatant disregard for authority. Well heck, he never makes me sign in as I cockily strut to my treadmill so why would he put a stop to their nonsense? Out of my peripheral vision I warily watched them as I contemplated the possible instantaneous need to block wayward balls. Toward the end of my workout, the cavalry finally made an appearance as a respected coach entered the building with prospective students in tow. All the sudden the versatile ball morphed into what God intended and a pleasant game of basketball commenced. Surprise! Fortunately, they never did return to the alternate game and left the area five minutes before I finished. I'm going to have to keep my eye on them in the future...

My brand spanking new notebook arrived last weekend and though I’ve had very little time for tinkering, its mesmerizing tiny, twinkling blue running lights enticingly beckon for a lengthy session of key-fondling. I am having a little trouble getting used to Windows Vista but as it came already loaded, I figure I’ll just be ahead of the game by the time we make the switch at work. At any rate, I foresee an intimate getting-to-know-you session between me and my charming playtoy this weekend. ;)

Spring Fever

A few days ago, I broke out with a horrible rash on my legs. It looked like a reaction to something (obviously) but we couldnt figure out what i'd done other than use new tanning lotion when I hit the tanning beds. I've been doctoring it up with Aveeno and praying it just quietly goes away.

Yesterday morning I woke up with a scratchy throat and I just ignored it thinking that maybe I slept with my mouth open or something. Last night, I felt kind of poopy... but then i tossed and turned all night long unable to get comfortable and suffering with a horrendous headache and unable to swallow because the pain from my own saliva passing over my Jalopeno pepper throat was unbareable!

This morning was total crap. I got up and called Chris (at my office) and told him I had Strepacocopotomus and I was going to see a doctor then i'd be in to share my fungus with everyone else. He was excited.. and added 'bring chips and salsa!'

Dr Drivesablackcorvette determined I dont have strep, I dont have the flu, but I do have some sort of bacterialblahblah that required a shot of steriods, followed by a week of steroid pills and antibiotics. He sent in little nurse lady to inject me with the 'roids. I followed her instructions of 'exposing a hip' and making SURE I put all my weight on the opposite leg that isnt being injected. She grabbed my skin, pinched and HOLY S@#$ stabbed me with a flipping daggar! I dont think she could have used a needle any larger. Damn that hurt and I then understood the 'make sure you have your weight on the other leg' part! I would have passed out of that muscle had been flexed. It was like an epidural of the butt cheek.

My right cheek aches where she put the goo. I am leaning on my left one until the ache subsides.

The swelling in my throat seems to have been reduced... either from the shot or from the bag of throat lozenges i've eaten. I'm fixing to go get the chips and salsa... which I think will be good to scratch where the lozenges arent hitting.

I'm So Proud

Exploding Beer Keg Shakes Oklahoma Town

ADAIR, Okla. -- A beer keg exploded after being placed into a patio fire pit, and the blast was heard for miles near Adair on Sunday, authorities said.

Nobody was hurt, but windows in three homes were broken, bricks from the fire pit were thrown a block and a half away, and a 4-inch tree limb was severed, Adair Police Chief Albert McKee said.

McKee said a couple of Adair residents decided to put an old keg on the fire Sunday evening in order to watch the beer spew out when the keg became hot.

"There's supposed to be a pop-off valve, but they evidently decided it wasn't going to blow," McKee said. "Well, they went inside about three minutes too early.

"It might have killed those guys if they hadn't gone back inside."

Firefighter Trent Peper said all Adair firefighters responded to the call.

"The cavalry came running. It was sure interesting, I'll say that," Peper said.

Birthday Night

Here are some pics from Fowler's birthday night! I have to start off with the picture of me and my hubby.... he takes such good care of me so I have to show him off first ;)



I took my camera (obviously) so Fachaitte said 'lets get out the camera and do pictures!' I grabbed for my camera... she grabbed for lipgloss... and I snapped this (i'm sure she doesnt want the world to see it, but here goes) attractive picture of her. lol


EVERY time i've been to this little club, this old guy is roaming around and we've been warned to be careful...he's very handsy with the girls. So, of course he plops his butt down right beside me. I have to take advantage of it... and make things worse... so I ask him to pose for a picture. He was more than happy to. I bout shit a brick when he grabbed me and pulled me close though! lol



All three of us.


Me and Fachaitte with the birthday boy.


Fowler's buddy Lloyd gave him some birthday lovin's! Or, maybe that was just a good ol boy hug-punchinthearm thing. hmmm


Fachaitte attacking Lloyd.


Us making goo-goo eyes at the camera man (Richard).


... and the girl who helped make the night what it was... the waitress!!!

Check Out Them Gators!

TGIF!

Enough said.

This has been a long hard week and my feet hurt. I havent had time to write, much less read up on everyone else's blogs (sorry). This weekend I plan on catching up.

Tonight I'm headed to my friend Fowler's birthday party so it will be a great night of unwinding! He's turning 21 (again *snicker*) and i'm convinced he needs to be Gator'd or at least have a stripper! haha. He's bent on the fact that he does not want to be Gator'd nor does he want a stripper. He doesnt want to be embarrassed. I'm surprised I was invited. hahahahah I'll take my camera just in case something nasty, fun or embarrassing happens... so I can share it!

The Gator is the act of 'dancing' or performing over a person who is laid out flat on his (I guess it could be a girl too) back. Typically, this performance turns out to be nasty and vulgar inflicting much embarrassment on the poor soul being Gator'd. Some have the pleasure (or not) of being Gator'd by a girl wearing a skirt (get the visual) and during the summer... rumor has it... that many girls don't wear undies. There is one particular song (all instrumental) that plays and when you hear this music you know it's 'Gator Time'! This music is perfect for a strip-tease show!

Yep... i've Gator'd. I've not been Gator'd... but I have Gator'd my fair share :)

Do You Hear What I Hear?

Every year, Chaos College amps up the pandemonium as we play host to the annual district music contest. For two days running we view hormonal children from assorted nearby high schools resplendent in matching robes or ensembles flitting across campus to the designated rooms and buildings where the judging occurs. Thursday hosted the choirs and today the musical instrument combos. Our parking lots are a sea of canary school buses disgorging the overly excited kiddies. One can forget trying to grab a bite to eat at the nearby Sonic or Simple Simon as they are overrun with voracious adolescents. Our bookstore dreads this yearly circus as they too are overrun with light-fingered, bored juveniles with too much time and freedom on their grubby little hands. Lucky faculty and our mature-by-comparison students have off today but the same cannot be said for long-suffering staff. Our admin building is not used for arbitration purposes but that doesn’t mean we get away scott free. Especially today. Some of the little devils will find their way to our building and wander the hallowed halls out of pure curiosity (or lousy direction) as they peer into staff’s inner sanctum. All returns to normal on Monday so it’s just a case of patience bolstered by popping a few Valiums. I will try to refrain from sticking my tongue out or mooning them, ok? :)

Never a Dull Moment

Well my building got evacuated this afternoon thanks to the rocket scientists working outside our building hitting a pesky gas line. Thank goodness the weather is GORGEOUS (77 degrees!) and it was heavenly getting to sit (yes, I sat on steps of a distant building) outside and enjoy the bright sunshine and warm breezes, not to mention escape the smelly gas fumes. Here’s a view from an evac.

In other slightly less exciting news, I ordered a new personal notebook from HP and it should arrive the beginning of next week. I’m very excited about that as I have dealt with a cantankerous refurbed Gateway for the last five or so years. When the D drive finally gave up the ghost I got on the stick and found a lovely replacement online. It’s brand new, faster, and though not top-of-the-line, features more bells and whistles than I’ve previously had. “K” will be the honored recipient of my soon-to-be abandoned relic. I spent the better part of last Saturday cleaning off the, er, personal files and freeing up memory. And speaking of “K”, she is off slithering down the slopes of Colorado this week. I actually received two emails from Mz 5000+ Text Messages a Month as her IM withdrawals have reached critical mass. She’ll be back in Decent Cell Phone Receptionland before she knows it.

And I can thank prompt, efficient Fedex (“when it absolutely, positively has to get there never mind that you failed to inform TBC it was coming”) for prematurely having to fess up on Saturday that I had indeed purchased a new computer and no, I hadn’t consulted his royal Poobahness first. The free All-in-One printer thrown in with my timely purchase had the cajones to arrive on Saturday afternoon leaving me to wing my explanation and forget my persuasive, rehearsed speech (complete with flipchart and bullets). Though less than thrilled (ok, darn pissed), he got over it by Monday and it’s been smooth sailing ever since. I can't wait for my new toy!

Chunks of Change

I found out a little bit of information today that would have been nice to know about three days ago!!!

This morning as I sat at my desk, one of the guys in my area said "I have something I need to tell you guys". We all (me and 6 guys), perk up and listen because this guy rarely speaks. He's so quiet!

He begins....
Well last Friday I headed to the bathroom and while I was peeing I noticed XYZ in the stall taking a big dump. He got finished and walked out of the bathroom... past the sink. He did not wash his hands. I came back to our area and began working when XYZ walked in behind me and asked for you (looking at me). You werent here, so he went into your office and picked up the phone to make a call.

Gasps of disbelief and grossness filled the room

He follows with... he did that without washing his hands. He had poop hands!

My stomach churned... followed with my screams and why didnt you tell me this FRIDAY!

He said I wasnt around before he left and so he couldnt tell me until today.

A BIG neon sign or note or something would have been good!

I've Lysoled and bleached my phone... disinfected my desk, keyboard and mouse...

He has been the butt of the jokes today..... *giggle* but really that's not funny to have poo chunks on ya and then use my phone!!!