Greetings

Merry Christmas!

How many 5 year olds can you take on in a fight? I can take 14...

14

Looking for payday loans?

Slippery When Wet

Today we got our predicted inch of snow and some rain... which froze almost immediately because the high today was only in the 30's. That makes for a nasty night because it dropped below freezing and everything that even started to melt (roads and parking lots) has now frozen into sheets of ice.

Richard went to the grocery store for me and came home to announce how "bad" it was outside and how slow he had to drive, etc. Of course, now I decided I "need" to go to the mall. I talked C into going with me (there was a coat I wanted and I had to get it today. Tomorrow might be too late!!!) and we skated out to the MM and headed off down the road. Sure enough... it's slicker than snot outside!!!

It is solid sheets of ice. Perfect shopping weather!!! The mall was quiet and only those who are dare devils... risk takers... brave and strong... dared to make their way to the mall! Not only did we run into the mall, but we made our way across the street to Old Navy, then we even ventured so far as to get a coke at Wendy's! oh my! When the weather gets nasty and everyone stays in... that's when I go out because you can actually get in and out of places quicker. You don't have to battle the people!

Hope y'all have your shopping done!!!

Home Cookin'

OMG OMG OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

What my sis told me just minutes ago... is true!

If it's printed in OK magazine. It's true!

and if Perez says, it's true!

Jamie Lynn Spears is knocked up! She's only 16!!! I really thought she was the one with it 'all together'. Apparently not.

Come Smell the Roses

I ventured to the mall again today... WITH baby in tow. I'm getting gutsy!
I don't mean by taking baby Z out... I mean by going to the mall!

Z is an awesome shopping partner. She seems to love to ride along in her stroller and most likely will nap while I'm pushing her around. She just curls up to the side of her little seat and catches up on her ZZZ's. Today was a bit different.

She napped like usual, but while in Macy's she started stirring. I watched her... trying to anticipate the fit that is building. Is it going to be a blood curdling scream? Will it be just a little yelp? Will she put herself back to sleep? I leaned in to watch her and holy cow.

I smelled the smell.

She'd been working on a little Christmas present of her own!

I knew that she'd probably not put herself back to sleep because this diaper was loaded! I brought her home and to my surprise not only had she left me a gift, but she blew it out the side and coated her cute little pink and white onsie with it!
How does a child pooh out the side? or out the back!?!? I've never figured that out. How can something so precious and tiny do so much damage out the backend. And the smell! How do they produce such odor!!! She's keeping up with the boys!

The Sandman Cometh

Are you exhausted and weary? Can’t quite seem to catch enough of those forty winks in the comfort of your own home on your off hours? Then why don’t you just relax, stretch out, and catch a few much-needed zzzs whenever and wherever that drowsy mood strikes!


Now I realize people are worn-out and stressed around this time of year but I’m not sure even that qualifies for a valid excuse for this unprofessional behavior at 3 pm. In the main lobby by the Information Desk. In our Admin building. In front of gawking collegians, startled faculty, dismayed staff, wide-eyed prospective students and crafty employees with cell phone picture capabilities. Like me. ;)

I can't tell if he has the butt-crack thing going on or not in this pic but I believe this was just his light shirt peeking through his dark jacket. And I love how his busy-beaver colleague just keeps plugging away oblivious to the possibility of loud snoring wafting his way...



Then he got up and fell asleep on the counter next to the lobby desk. This must have been awkward for the switchboard gals.



Good thing Grand Exalted Poobah was gone yesterday. Tsk! Several others were snapping away with their own cameras so I have a feeling someone will be called on the carpet (so to speak) today. Yes, I do realize this could be the result of narcolepsy but this is simply not the wisest place to let it get the better of you.

Found a Peanut

I know a lot of fellow Okies are having a rough time of it with the beautiful but very destructive ice storm they recently endured. My neck of the woods managed to dodge that sparkly bullet but the winter is just firing up so there’s no telling what wave of nasty stuff will have our name on it. It’s a toss-up as to whether the white flakes they are predicting will blow in Friday (Weatherbug) or Saturday (Weather Channel) but odds are in our favor will be blessed with a lovely wintry mix as we head into the weekend. I, of course, am heartily employing my ever-popular Snow Dance, sporting my snowflake earrings, and shaking my booty, er, Snow Globe Snowman for all he’s worth hoping for copious amounts of frozen manna from heaven. Yes, I adore snow. :)

Last night as I was happily munching on pistachios that I planned to save for next week (such resolve), I thought of that old song I used to sing with my comrades while we were zipping down the road heading for some educational fieldtrip. I wonder if kiddos still repeat that old chestnut? At any rate, I did find the lyrics online and sure enough, it was unearthed on a website called BusSongs.com. The only difference I found was that my fellow scholars inserted the “went to heaven” line instead of being reincarnated, but other than that, it’s exactly the same.

Found a peanut
Found a peanut
Found a peanut just now
Just now I found a peanut
Found a peanut just now.

Ice Storm Images

I didn't realize our ice storm was so damaging, but today on the news they said about one million people were without power right now... and most had been without power for several days. One of the providers said it will be about 7 days before they can get their customers back on! That's 1/4 of the people in the state without electricity. I'm so glad i'm not one of them. I've been there done that... and its no fun! Last night I was trying to post a few pictures and our power went out twice... but snapped right back on. It was a scarey brief moment! Needless to say, I didnt get my pictures posted... until now.

The raining ice has turned into rain. Thunderstorms actually. So tonight that ought to make for lots of fun on the roads!






These are just the little plants in my yard. All over the city there are huge trees split in half and downed powerlines. Its a sad sight.

Bah Humbug!

*repeating to myself*

I will not leave the house on the weekends.
I will not leave the house on the weekends.
I will not leave the house on the weekends.

I left my house today. Twice. Terrible mistake.

First of all, I didnt get to bed until 5 o'clock this morning and I bailed out of bed about 9:30am so I could get to our soccer game at noon. However, I had to drop cookies off at our church by 8am (obviously i'm very late)so I had to get everyone around and leave the house earlier to allow me time to make the drop. Plus I needed to go by Sonic.

Richard took off for his haircut a little before 11am, and I was running like a madwoman to get our soccer gear together and everyone dressed and out the door without crying, screaming and hollering (mostly me). It was cold and drizzly... but we made it! C, P, Z and I loaded up and headed out. The traffic is bad around our house anyways but add the fact that every major road surrounding us is being widened or resurfaced... well, the traffic is just hellacious!

The Sonic stop helped though... and I made it.

This afternoon I fed baby Z and was just going to "run to Wal-Mart and Target real quick" to return a few items and pick up some other stuff. Just 'real quick'. By the time I got home my blood pressure was on boiling and I had nothing nice to say about the human race at all. Every parking lot is packed. No one knows how to drive or park and I'm so sick of idiots trying to make the next light... AND CAN'T and wind up blocking intersections so the cross traffic can't go and miss THEIR light!

Plus idiots doing their shopping and can't count (10 items or less and they have an easy 50 items) and of course not enough checkers working on a Saturday makes it even worse. I've decided I will do no shopping on the weekends and I will do as much as I can after midnight and before 7am. I think its safer then... I'm less likely to blow a gasket.

Course... there's only a few weeks til Christmas anyways.

Assholes Fly

Remember way back like a few weeks ago probably when I posted about the jerk at work?!

Well... he strikes again. WHILE I'M OFF ON FMLA! I'm just waiting... he's making very lethal moves and i'm documenting (all smiles on my part). He thinks he's slick. WRONG! I've got way too much experience with assholes. Remember... I worked at Chaos College and got all kinds of training! hahahaha

Thumbs Up

It’s been a busy week as the semester wheezes out its last gasping breaths here at Chaos Central. I can’t remember ever Fedexing this much in my life. (Good thing the Fedex guy is easy on the eyes.) I arrived at work on Monday exhausted from hosting company the entire weekend. They were there when I got home Friday and still blissfully in the arms of Morpheus when I departed for work on Monday. Much as I love them, it gets old not having a nanosecond to yourself and listening to your dear SIL’s incessant yammering. Adding to my cranky Monday irritability was yet another department meeting, several paper cuts from the Fedex envelopes, splitting my thumbnail way past the quick when my hand slipped off the soap dispenser and plowed into something hard and metallic causing excruciating pain and a determined quest for the ever elusive bandaids. Then Cowgirl decided to sell homemade peanut brittle from my reception area (without my permission) to aid some cause. Does this place resemble a lemonade stand or something? No way was I going to babysit her edibles and if anyone had walked off with the whole unattended bag, I wouldn’t have shed a tear. She finally clued in that she would have more sales if sold from a different location and moved them to another dept. where she did brisk business. Monday didn’t end soon enough for me. Today settled down considerably but I have yet to wander over to the gym and shake off this lethargy. Too many tempting delicacies are starting to make their way to various offices and my resolve to refrain from partaking is getting weaker. I must be strong! Anywho, that’s matters as they stand and much like Kerbear, I'll be hitting the gym tomorrow fer sure.

Cancer June 22 - July 22

Most firearm accidents occur in the home. Avoid the chance of serious injury by getting shot repeatedly at work this week.

Leo July 23 - August 22

Your meticulous attention to detail will once again ruin an otherwise fun and pleasureable pasttime.

Virgo August 23 - September 22

Fears of dying alone will soon be allayed when more than 2,000 fire ants keep you company during those last terrifying minutes.

Sagittarius November 22 - December 21

The stars indicate that love is in your future. They also indicate your latitude and longitude, if you have a sextant and a basic knowledge of geometry.

Pisces February 19 - March 20

What may at first appear to be an insurmountable obstacle will in time be seen for what it really is: an impenetrable barrier.

Pain in my Tum

I have waited for this day... for months!

Today, I got to go upstairs at the gym.

Why is that such a big deal you ask!?!? WELL... upstairs is where all the ab work takes place! I can once again join the crunchers and side-benders! yeah!!! I crunched this morning until my stomach muscles ached. It's such a good feeling!!!

The Third Time is a Charm

It seems like forever since i've been able to sit down and type up a little ditty for this blog. In the few days i've been busy trying to work out a little schedule with baby Z (and losing sense of time/day), I hear that Britney Spears is preggers again!?!?

What is up with that girl!?

Thanks for all the well wishes. :)

Private Parts

Chaos College has finally completed building a brand spanking new structure to house a communication center as well as our nursing facilities and today was the preliminary open house for faculty and staff. The actual opening is this Friday with many influential dignitaries, including the honored governor, heading for tiny Podunkville to kick off the formal dedication. Anyway, my buddy “J” and I first chowed down at the come and go lunch before heading over for the grand tour. The buffet consisted of ham, seafood or chicken salad on croissants, chicken gumbo, potato, or broccoli & cheese soup, a house salad, pecan, pumpkin, or apple pie, and iced tea or water to wash it all down. (FYI: I selected the seafood salad, the broccoli & cheese soup, and the apple pie.)

As we hit the sidewalk right outside the bookstore heading for the new edifice, we were accosted by an obnoxious man surrounded by what looked to be sycophant students hanging on his every syllable. His frantically urged us to sign some petition but we never broke stride as “J” mulled the very unlikely possibility of his receiving permission to be soliciting on campus. After an enlightening tour of the nursing wing in which we were privileged to view rubbery vaginas in various stages of dilation and a lifelike manikin going through simulated labor (thought of you, Ker), we headed back to our respective offices. (Oh, to equalize the viewing, “J” insisted on ogling some penises so our compliant instructor whipped off the covers of a male dummy lying helpless in a bed. I could have sworn he looked embarrassed at this unexpected unveiling.) Spotting the dean and a VP standing in the man’s former location, we felt pretty sure it was no coincidence and that the loudmouth had been turned in. After a short, informative discussion, we learned that the petition was indeed a sham as it was just an effort to get quick signatures for who knows what dubious intent and purpose. Apparently the group was not comprised of our students but rather warm bodies who all jumped out of a commercial van with out-of-state tags left running by its female getaway driver ready to beat a hasty retreat at the first sign of trouble. And flee they did once confronted. That pretty much wraps up my wonderful Wednesday. How is yours going?

Baby News

She's here!!! Baby Z made her debute early saturday morning!

Friday night Richard and I headed to Old Navy to just hang out and waste some time. Walk off some turkey. We found a few pairs of pants that looked pretty awesome for him, so we headed to the dressing room for him to try them on. I planted my very pretty butt on the bench inside his room and he proceeded to try on the obviously too small jeans. I got to laughing so hard at him and Richard made it worse by doing some little dance and trying to cram himself into these horribly tight pants. I said "stop making me laugh! I'll have this baby!"

With that being said... I stood up to leave and WHOOOSH. My water broke. In the dressing room!! We dropped everything we had with us and headed for the house to pack a few bags and off to the hospital.

Within a few hours we had Baby Z at a good healthy 8lbs! Here we are right before being dismissed.... it's good to be home!

BTW... I love that pic below, Circe. haha

I thought for sure I'd be spending today in the hospital having a new little baby... not so far, no such luck. So many people have told me "it will be the 21st!" so I thought that it just had to be! So many have said it! PLUS its turned cold today. Freezing cold. From 80 degrees yesterday to 40 something today plus the blistery wind. Of course I'd go into labor on a cold day and have to 'weather' the storm! Yep... nope, not me! I'm hanging tough! I also thought it would be today because I didn't want to spend Thanksgiving in the hospital. Sure fire way of getting tossed in the bed to have a baby. Nope. Still nothing.

So, I guess I'll get to eat 20 little Thanksgiving snacks on Thanksgiving instead of a big dinner. I dont have room for all that food!

I wish everyone a very Happy Thanksgiving and keep warm!!!

Jackhammers & Strobe Lights

On our last day of this abbreviated work week and at one week shy of five months, I am once again driving my repaired GP. I was curious as to how I’d feel about that but it actually felt extremely good and very comfortable and I was pleased to be back in the dark gray leather saddle. Sometimes it takes driving a bare-bones, no-frills kinda car to appreciate the additional bells and whistles that exist in newer models. It was so nice to know what speed I was traveling at for a change and to not have to go through the extra effort of lowering my eyeballs to view just how fast I was going. I didn’t have to throw the flopping seat belt back into the interior every single time I exited and it was lovely to check my makeup in the lighted mirror on the visor. Ah, it’s good to be spoiled again. :)

Usually our Grand Exalted Poobah waits until today to graciously bestow on we unworthy peons a shorter workday. It won't be happening this year and I partly blame myself. *sad face* Our new Grand Exalted Poobah's assistant was unaware of the need for tactful silence as questioning His Highness in regards to this ticklish matter has only ever led to a firm "no." Therefore the deed was done with the expected outcome. I should have warned her but I didn't think of it in time and I am deeply regretful of my lack of appropriate action.

It's cold in here. And the light in the hallway keeps wildly flickering. I'd call maintenance but why? Like they are going to come over here and do any actual work on this blustery day before the holiday. HA! And this morning as I was trying to explain something to our courier, there was a noisy jackhammer going in the background making communication impossible. Jackhammers and strobe lights. And no early leaving. Yeah, welcome to Chaos College.

For all my fellow Americans, I’d like to wish you a safe and happy Thanksgiving and for our international crowd, have a terrific weekend! See you back here on Monday...

OK Corral

This past weekend we hosted a party at the bowling alley for P's birthday and to help me wrestle all the boys in the hood, I recruited help from Richard and my sis.

Here's them 'helping'.

Isn't That What Your Hand Is For?

Sometimes, I like to catch up on the celebrity gossip. Ok, daily I try to catch up. lol But dang! THIS!!! How weird can this be!?!?

A man caught having sex with his bicycle!?!?!? lmao!

Wouldn't that hurt!?!?

Raucous Reminder

Thankfully, the visit with Dr Drill is over and the molar feels much better. I had minimal discomfort for the remainder of the day though the Grand Poobah did inform me I was as white as a ghost. I shall attempt chewing on it later. (Don’t want to rush it, mind you.)

This morning kicked off with a rare, unannounced fire drill. I thought I was back in elementary school as we all herded out in a timely manner and shivered in the morning chill (30 degrees) to the sound of the persistent, shrieking alarm. While I remembered my purse, my cell phone was inadvertently abandoned in the unexpected flight. More importantly, I totally forgot to flush out “M” and “Cowgirl” ensconced in the cobwebbed corners of our back offices thus leaving them to die a fiery death. Ooops! They really need to postpone these drills until I’ve had my second cup of coffee at which point my fuzzy brain is fully engaged. I profusely apologized to their charred 'corpses' upon my return. The 'corpses' retorted that in retaliation, they pushed the Beast out of its parking spot and into the road. I promised to remember them next time. :)

After this dental dip in my abbreviated work week, today’s outlook is bright and promising for several reasons. A. I have my regular hair appointment to get the ole locks trimmed up and shipshape. B. The boss is blissfully gone. And C. It feels like a Friday for Chaos College as tomorrow is Okieville’s one hundredth birthday and state employees are set free to friskily frolic amongst the fallen leaves and enjoy a three-day weekend. Woo hoo! I smugly inquired if Mz Federal Employee (sis) had the day off and received a negative reply. Ha! For once, State beat Federal in having a holiday off. Go State!

The Topfive.com’s Signs You've Become Too Involved with an Appliance

• You keep the microwave's clock set to the exact hour and minute you first spotted it in the Best Buy Scratch 'n' Dent section.
• Ninety percent of your body is covered with *perfectly* round hickeys.
• Your refrigerator is wearing a tiger-print thong and assless chaps.
• Every time you walk by your fax machine, it spits out another copy of the restraining order telling you to stay 500 feet away.
• You saved a lock of its first carpet lint in a scrapbook.
• The Radio Shack guys start stacking up the boxes of D-cells as soon as you pull up outside.
• "Do you, Frank, take serial #57-44521RV, to have and to hold..."

Work Sucks

So much happened today I can't possibly write about all of it. However, there is just one thing I'd love to say...

I hate working with liars and people who are untrustworthy and only out for themselves and ready to throw you under the bus and not bat an eye. Especially when they are in your same department!

ALL of us see the little game he's playing and the little plan he has... why can't everyone understand what's going on!? It's so obvious!

Oh well... it will come out in the wash. Oh yes, it will! One way or another we will take this man out!