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It’s been a busy week as the semester wheezes out its last gasping breaths here at Chaos Central. I can’t remember ever Fedexing this much in my life. (Good thing the Fedex guy is easy on the eyes.) I arrived at work on Monday exhausted from hosting company the entire weekend. They were there when I got home Friday and still blissfully in the arms of Morpheus when I departed for work on Monday. Much as I love them, it gets old not having a nanosecond to yourself and listening to your dear SIL’s incessant yammering. Adding to my cranky Monday irritability was yet another department meeting, several paper cuts from the Fedex envelopes, splitting my thumbnail way past the quick when my hand slipped off the soap dispenser and plowed into something hard and metallic causing excruciating pain and a determined quest for the ever elusive bandaids. Then Cowgirl decided to sell homemade peanut brittle from my reception area (without my permission) to aid some cause. Does this place resemble a lemonade stand or something? No way was I going to babysit her edibles and if anyone had walked off with the whole unattended bag, I wouldn’t have shed a tear. She finally clued in that she would have more sales if sold from a different location and moved them to another dept. where she did brisk business. Monday didn’t end soon enough for me. Today settled down considerably but I have yet to wander over to the gym and shake off this lethargy. Too many tempting delicacies are starting to make their way to various offices and my resolve to refrain from partaking is getting weaker. I must be strong! Anywho, that’s matters as they stand and much like Kerbear, I'll be hitting the gym tomorrow fer sure.

Cancer June 22 - July 22

Most firearm accidents occur in the home. Avoid the chance of serious injury by getting shot repeatedly at work this week.

Leo July 23 - August 22

Your meticulous attention to detail will once again ruin an otherwise fun and pleasureable pasttime.

Virgo August 23 - September 22

Fears of dying alone will soon be allayed when more than 2,000 fire ants keep you company during those last terrifying minutes.

Sagittarius November 22 - December 21

The stars indicate that love is in your future. They also indicate your latitude and longitude, if you have a sextant and a basic knowledge of geometry.

Pisces February 19 - March 20

What may at first appear to be an insurmountable obstacle will in time be seen for what it really is: an impenetrable barrier.