Private Parts

Chaos College has finally completed building a brand spanking new structure to house a communication center as well as our nursing facilities and today was the preliminary open house for faculty and staff. The actual opening is this Friday with many influential dignitaries, including the honored governor, heading for tiny Podunkville to kick off the formal dedication. Anyway, my buddy “J” and I first chowed down at the come and go lunch before heading over for the grand tour. The buffet consisted of ham, seafood or chicken salad on croissants, chicken gumbo, potato, or broccoli & cheese soup, a house salad, pecan, pumpkin, or apple pie, and iced tea or water to wash it all down. (FYI: I selected the seafood salad, the broccoli & cheese soup, and the apple pie.)

As we hit the sidewalk right outside the bookstore heading for the new edifice, we were accosted by an obnoxious man surrounded by what looked to be sycophant students hanging on his every syllable. His frantically urged us to sign some petition but we never broke stride as “J” mulled the very unlikely possibility of his receiving permission to be soliciting on campus. After an enlightening tour of the nursing wing in which we were privileged to view rubbery vaginas in various stages of dilation and a lifelike manikin going through simulated labor (thought of you, Ker), we headed back to our respective offices. (Oh, to equalize the viewing, “J” insisted on ogling some penises so our compliant instructor whipped off the covers of a male dummy lying helpless in a bed. I could have sworn he looked embarrassed at this unexpected unveiling.) Spotting the dean and a VP standing in the man’s former location, we felt pretty sure it was no coincidence and that the loudmouth had been turned in. After a short, informative discussion, we learned that the petition was indeed a sham as it was just an effort to get quick signatures for who knows what dubious intent and purpose. Apparently the group was not comprised of our students but rather warm bodies who all jumped out of a commercial van with out-of-state tags left running by its female getaway driver ready to beat a hasty retreat at the first sign of trouble. And flee they did once confronted. That pretty much wraps up my wonderful Wednesday. How is yours going?