100 Unintentionally Hilarious Spam Subject Lines | Cracked.com

If you want a perfect demonstration of the '1,000 typing monkeys accidentally creating a masterpiece' phenomenon, look no further than your spam subject lines.



The jumbled mash of nonsense spam...

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shhhhh....

Today... I have a secret!!! I can't share it until later but C is gonna be so excited!!!

And Baby Makes 19... 20....21...

I guess it was only a matter of time...

The Duggar's are going to become grandparents plus it seems the new parents-to-be are adopting the ol "leave the birthin babies up to God" attitude.

Oh good grief. I'm sure they are all such very nice people... but enough is enough! God gave us brains for a reason and he gave us medical intervention for a reason. To be used! Pop a pill girl. Tell new hubby 3 or 4 is your max! Kids need their parents, not a buddy system where you're raised primarily by an older sibling. Thats just wrong.

Steve-Omania!

I am so impressed with Steve-O on Dancing with the Stars. Have y'all been watching? He and Lacey haven't scored big, but he's been sticking with it and really trying. Tonights dance... well I would have never guessed he had THAT in him! It was not goofy or stupid like Jackass. He was graceful and precise and all those things a ballroom dancer must be. He cleans up pretty good!!!

I hope they go far...

Not Billy, but Holly

What the heck is up with Holly Madison!?!?

It's no big secret that I think Shawn Johnson is as cute as they come... so for the first time ever I've been watching Dancing with the Stars. Holly is also on this seasons show... complete with her hallow head and zero personality.

I watched her in Girls Next Door and she seemed more intelligent and aware. Until the last few episodes (months) of their run. You could tell when she mentally had checked out of her relationship with Hef and really wanted the show just to hurry and end. She never smiled and rarely spoke. She had this bitchy empty look.

I see now.. that's her! On DWTS last night she took stabs at herself and talked about how she deserved nothing and thought her score was too high (high!??! you got like 12 out of 30!!) She never smiled and seemed on the edge of tears each time the camera even swung her way. Her dance was less than enthusiastic. You can obviously tell she's never exercised a day in her life. She acted like it might kill her if she moved too quickly or broke a sweat. What is her deal!? I dont remember this Holly a few years back. Old age creeping in or what?!?! She's only like 28 or something. With that sparkling personality...she's going to starve.

Now, Bridget and Kendra on the other hand... those girls got sparkle! hehehe

Skank College

At least seven commercials for various alternates to pursuing a traditional college career are run during the daytime TV judge shows. One of the most annoying is Everett Institute where the young gangbanger looking guy tries to shame the viewer into getting his/her lazy arse off the couch, showing some initiative dammit, and making that call! Rather than dashing to the phone, I just want to throw a frosty beverage at him as the commercial ends and he disgustedly walks away. He knows deep down in his heart that we stubborn sloths ain't gonna take his advice...

But the one I most enjoy making fun of is what I affectionately refer to as Skank College aka Career Point Institute. Their commercials run ALL the frickin time and their biggest selling point is their daycare facilities. This place seems to cater to the single gals with multiple children thanks to what I can only assume was their former wild hussy ways. Let’s discuss the gals they use to sell their school. My personal favs were a few earlier ones that ran where the very pretty fluffhead sweetly informed us she had two kids and was fresh out of high school. Say that again? How did this airhead ever manage to attend classes let alone graduate what with morning sickness, swollen feet, and endless hospital stays while popping kids out every semester? Another freshfaced, befreckled pup with messy, long reddish hair who didn’t look a day over 12 also blithely informed us she had children (plural) and couldn’t exactly haul them to a regular college, could she? She was thrilled beyond words that this joint offered daycare. They quit running these ads but the newer ones aren’t much better. They have slightly upgraded the females used to showcase their institute but they just had to keep one scuzzball to appeal to their target audience. She has messy blonde hair, obvious chin zits (all the others have had clear skin, by golly) and two adorable kiddos shown having a blast at the daycare center. Geez. Now I’ll all for learning skills that will help one make a better life for themselves and their children but IMHO they need to feature some gals that put forth a more positive personal image and turn the skank level down a few notches. Just sayin.

Come HIther

Well, I was feeling a little sassy tonight and had (still do) alot of pinned up energy. I haven't been able to hit the gym in a week because i've been hackin up lungs with this bronchitis! Anyways, the phone rang and some sweet, come F me voice ask for Mr. Kerry. uh huh...

Me: He's unavailable right now. Can I take a message?

Come F me: Is this Mrs Kerry? Can I talk with you instead.

Me thinking: Well hell ya! You better start talking you sweet little come F me voice!

Come F me: This is Suzie Q with blah blah college (his alma mater) and we're doing annual tuition donation drive for new students trying to help new enrollees with expenses and we see that Mr Kerry has donated in the past and we'd like to see if he would like to give this year.

Me: HE HAS!?!? I didn't know we were donating!?!?

I can hear the silence. lol She pauses, obviously not sure if she is in trouble or if Mr Kerry is in trouble or how to approach this.

Come F me: Yes, um would YOU like to donate?

Me: I really think its best if we talk to Mr Kerry first and see how he'd like to handle this. I wasn't aware of any donations but that doesn't mean anything and so I'd like to talk to him first.

She's still using her sexy Come F me voice but in a much more cautious tone.

Come F me: I can do this for you. I can send you a donation postcard and there is absolutely no obligation. You can talk to him about it and make a donation if you'd like. There is no obligation (got it the first time) and if you choose not to donate then simply throw it away. Would that be ok?

Of course its ok. *giggle* I seriously didn't know he'd donated and for all I know it was eons ago and unless it dipped into my shopping fund, I really don't care. UNLESS he didn't turn it in as a deduction on our taxes. THEN he's in trubble!

She sounded about 14.

Poor Little Guy

A friend of mine sent me the link to this blog and I got to reading. She has the most precious baby... who is so sick. He's a cutie patootie and if I could have one wish come true... I'd wish that all children were sick-free! It's just so sad when such a little tyke has to suffer.

*kisses* to him

MeMeMe

Borrowed from Bone’s blog who borrowed it from someone else:

I am...trying to stay optimistic and positive though it’s not always easy.
I think...entirely too much and tie myself up in knots.
I know...all the characters in the Star Wars novels but some better than others. Sad, isn’t it? I love Grand Admiral Thrawn. Something about intelligence, immense power, and unusual blue skin makes for a complete turn-on.
I want...to feel normal again and I’m getting there.
I have...friends, family and a shared blog. Sounds good to me.
I wish...All of us got three do-overs in life. The changes I would make! If wishes were horses…
I hate...mooches, users, conflict, deceit.
I miss...traveling. Hopefully this is a temporary situation because I am not finished visiting resorts on tropical beaches, OBX, or my hometown.
I fear...pain and suffering.
I feel...hope mixed with a humbling dose of reality.
I hear...my laptop humming, an occasional car go by and wishing I’d hear the train whistle in the distance. Have I told you lately how much I love trains? Short of an actual train running through my backyard, I’d settle for real train tracks just for the illusion.
I smell...like Skunk’s Ass. Well, I have been using Mango Mandarin on my hands tonight and I’m trying to remember which body wash I used last.
I regret...quite a bit from the past. Foolish things I’ve done. Being more passive than I should have been. Not taking enough chances. How long do you want this list?
I love...organizing things. Have you seen my closet? Totally organized with clothes in rotation so items aren’t overlooked or worn repeatedly. And let’s not forget the toenail polish colors I have lined up for each month of the year. Seriously. I’m a tad compulsive about a few things and I do get caught up in minutia but I love details and working things out in advance so life runs ohsomuch smoother.
I care...about a lot of things. I’m a softie inside and I truly hate hurting anyone’s feelings though you can’t always tell it in my posts. And I’m an excellent empathizer.
I always...make lists and write in my planner.
I am not...a fly by the seat of the pants person. I want planning and organization thank you! And I’m not creative and I wish I thought out of the box more.
I believe...in being thankful for each day of life.
I dance...in the privacy of my room when a song is playing that compels me to jump up and boogie. And I’m a constant toe-tapper. If there is a song on anywhere with a compelling beat, I’m wriggling in my chair.
I sing...along with songs but though I can carry a tune I have very little range.
I write...because I enjoy it. The downside to blogging is a lot that happens becomes possible blog fodder. I’m forever thinking of topics in my head for future use. Few are exempt so beware all who cross our paths. :)
I win...at spelling. And writing essays.
I lose...my temper quickly but I’m over it just as quickly.
I never...take bubble baths anymore as I prefer hot showers.
I listen...fairly well though there is room for improvement.
I can usually be found...with my nose in a book. Or on the computer.
I am scared of...mice, not that I’ve seen any in the house lately. And tornados. We just had a tornado watch again last night till midnight.
I read...all the time. I have at least two or three books going at once. Nothing makes me happier than seeing a large pile of books lined up for future perusal.
I forget...a lot. Sometimes that’s a good thing.
I just...sneezed. It’s that time of year.
I am happy about...warmer weather (minus tornados) though I really did want a nice big snowstorm this winter and didn’t get it. Our blog buddies. You are all very special to us and we love you.

smooches,
circe

Deep Thoughts

Women are like phones:
They like to be held, talked to, and touched often.
But push the wrong button and your ass is disconnected.

Skunk Butt

I always have a ton of hand creams/body lotions/body washes to choose from and in a dazzling array of smells. I know I've previously mentioned the heady feeling I experience entering the 'Heavenly Smells' store (Bath & Body Works). Anyway, some of my current scents purchased at various stores are Japanese Cherry Blossom, Winter Candy Apple (almost gone), Milk & Honey, Vanilla Raspberry, Vanilla Peach, Vanilla Honey (I'm detecting a pattern here), and last but not least Mango Mandarin. TBC has singled out this particularly pungent one and dubbed it Skunk's Ass. Yes, he feels this scent is extremely offensive and though it was a gift, I like it just fine and will continue to apply it when needed. Ha! How he knows what a skunk's behind smells like is beyond me but apparently it's quite unpleasant. Fortunately it's about 3/4ths gone and since most bottles are getting low, I'm feeling a strong urge to pop into our local B&BW and snag a few spring scents!

TBC's brother and wife drove up from Texas and spent this past weekend with us. I'm always at ease when they stay with us as we are so comfortable with them. "B" is a funny, congenial guy who loves to gently poke fun at me and I give it right back in return. "R" is my very chatty sis-in-law and though listening to nonstop talking and minute details ad nauseam is hard on the ears, I love her dearly and wouldn't change her for all the tea in China. Their youngest daughter lives up here and her and her lazy ass husband have just moved back in with his parents as he lost his job and they couldn't afford their cute little apt. Now don't get me wrong, I love my niece and he's a nice enough guy but that whole fam is well-known for their laid back ways so back on the teat it is. They also spent Friday night with us and this worked out perfectly as mom and daughter had a marathon chatfest while I retired to the bedroom to rest (play computer Solitaire and listen to music). We had quite a bit of company for dinner both nights and if you know me, I abhor playing hostess to hordes of guests, fam or not. Fortunately, I was totally laid back about it and TBC did the brunt of the culinary (spaghetti, salad, garlic bread, and for dessert, Girl Scout cookies!) chores. Ok, he did it all Friday night and Saturday night was a nice mix of food and drink brought by the guests making for a delicious buffet. Sis brought a bottle of tasty Merlot and her and I pretty much polished that off as it was "too dry" for the rest of the peasants. Usually B and R stay until Monday morning but they hightailed it back across the border on Sunday and though I washed alot of bedding that day, the nicest part is that they are always welcome to grace Chez Circe whenever we get the call announcing they are heading out for a little trip back north.

Yesterday I hit a few stores as I was feeling pretty good and the weather was so accommodating. First up was Hobby Lobby to check out picture frames. I know for a second there you were thinking I have morphed into Mz Arts & Crafts but you are so wrong, my pet. I don't have a crafty bone in my body and doubt I ever will. I really wish I had some decorating sense and style but I tend to be overwhelmed and clueless though I am hoping all those tips and tricks on shows I watch on TV will eventually sink in. And a gay male friend wouldn't hurt. Craft and decorating impaired am I. Anywho, I have several paintings that are in dire need of frames and have been for ages. I am finally going to take matters in hand and just DO IT. The most needed are 2 Japanese prints whose glass cracked during some move in the distant past. I am hoping to turn Boudoir Circe into a tasteful hideaway of supreme Asian serenity. (And no Grant, this is not due to your Bunny Obsession). I also have a beautiful picture of my particular fixation; Cape Hatteras lighthouse. I bought this back on one our many trips to OBX and have yet to hang it. Finally, there is a canvas-backed tropical beach scene purchased in the DR back in '05 that nags me to display him forgodssakes! I ended up not buying anything yet as they all need customizing but at least its in the works. Walgreens was next as I was not up for Wallyworld and I grabbed a few cosmetic items and cards. After a quick bite to eat at Wendys, (have you tried their fish sandwich? I LOVE IT!) I headed to another fav sanctuary of mine, the LIBRARY. Once a bookworm, always a bookworm. Of course I had forgot my card but they let me borrow four tomes instead of the six I started with and I happily traipsed back to the car. Good times!

Luck O' the Leprechaun

Happy St Patty's Day!

I was sitting here thinking about a quiz I took a few weeks ago. It was one of those email things I think... and one of the questions was 'whats your favorite holiday'. I had the hardest time deciding on my favorite holiday because it used to be Christmas... until the past few years and now I hate Christmas. I hate how stressful it is and the demands that people put on you to give and gift and party and donate, and get here and get there, etc etc. Its too much and too long and following Thanksgiving and New Years is shortly thereafter.

I don't think I have a favorite holiday. Until today. I realized that I really love St Patty's Day. It's just a fun little day where we sport something green. If you're a beer lover, you can join the festivities downtown or any sports bar really, and drink the green beer. How fun! It's just a fun, lighthearted, holiday. Love it! How about an appletini. That's green. Margarita's can be green. I guess we can make anything green. We should have had green eggs and ham for breakfast!

Green is my favorite color, so I'm declaring St Patty's Day my favorite holiday!

Did you know:
The leprechaun is related to the clurichaun and the far darrig in that he is a solitary creature. Some writers even go as far as to substitute these second two less well-known spirits for the leprechaun in stories or tales to reach a wider audience. The clurichaun is considered by some to be merely a leprechaun on a drinking spree

Randomosity

I totally forgot to watch Sober House last Thursday night but I caught up when it ran again on Friday evening. It looks like I guessed incorrectly and Mary managed to dodge the alcohol bullet at Swingfest, however, previews for the season finale appear to show our fav smiling repeater Steve as blowing it once again to finish things off on a 'high' note. Hehehe

Yes, I cried for the season finale of The Girls Next Door. While I didn’t burst into uncontrolled sobs, I did get teary-eyed when they were all in the room together saying how much they’d miss each other. I still haven’t figured out who Girl No. 3 is. I need to research that. And didn’t you think the twins were less than congratulatory in the episode where the gals got their scuba diving certificates and everyone on the boat was smiling but one twin had an insincere half-smile on her face and the other just looked poker-faced and downright snotty? Beotches..

Another tearful moment recently experienced was reading this headline regarding John C. Odom’s death. I just felt so bad for all the flack he must have caught for this ridiculous trade and we have to imagine that though he put on a brave face, this cut him to the core and terribly hurt his feelings. I hope all the guilty parties that made fun and never let him forget this embarrassment are experiencing more than a twinge of conscience. Wouldn’t it be wonderful if we bestowed on our fellowman the dignity we all deserve and not play a possible part in their sad demise? After all, when you get right down to it, be it mental or physical (or both) we are all "walking wounded" whether others are aware of our trials on not. *group hug*

Yet another addiction. I am madly in love with Yoplait Whips. Their sweet, moussey, fluffy yogurty goodness just drives me wild with gastronomic desire. And all the flavors are divine. I was partial to Key Lime Pie but damn if they aren’t all wonderful! They even offer a chocolate one. And there is just no way to eat one at a time. I always wolf down two, and later in the day I’ll grab yet another. Good for you and delicious; can't beat that with a stick.

Peace, Love and Dance

I think i've developed a crush on Shawn Johnson! You know her... the cutest little U.S. Gymnastics Olympian ever! She never stops smiling. All during the olympics I tuned in to watch her faithfully. Before the games, i didnt know who she was. This is where I met and fell into deep like with her. Her smile is addictive and contagious. She's the cutest thing ever and I told C that he could bring her home to mom. I approve! She'd be a great girlfriend. She seems so happy and so appreciative and good-natured. Obviously a hard worker.

Last night I saw her dance on Dancing with the Stars and she rocked! Her legs are awesome and again her smile just kept beaming. I want C to hook up with her. I think she's the greatest thing since french toast!

Speaking of French Toast... what the heck happened to Farrah on Rock of Love!? She's gone!!! She'd say "what the French!?" and then it became "what the French Toast!?" lol

Cuz That's How We Roll

Yeah, we may not be one of his J-bunnies, but we love the Grantster anyway. ; )

I Sensed It!!

I KNEW IT!!! Did I NOT just post a few days ago about how crappy she looked and how she turns away from Jon in the show.??? There IS trouble. I sensed it!! It was obvious... and now Perez Hilton blogs it! Read on..


In case you haven't head of Jon and Kate Gosselin, they're the stars of TLC's most popular "reality" show, Jon & Kate Plus 8. The couple has one set of twins and one set of sextuplets.

John is the laid-back, quiet, pushover husband, while Kate is the bitchy, controlling, pain-in-the-ass wife. And that's putting it nicely.

Although the couple seem to have a "loving" relationship on the show, that might not really be the case when the cameras are off.

Jon said about filming the show that, “We’re having a good time — a blast," however it looks like he might have been embellishing a bit.

In Touch Weekly is reporting that Jon is spending increasing amounts of time in Huntingdon, Pa., near where his mom lives, three hours away from the home he shares with Kate and their eight children.

And, on February 6th, Jon showed up to a Juniata College house party.

WTF??????

“He walked in with two girls he met at Mimi’s bar,” senior Evan Heisman tells In Touch. “It was so cool.” According to witnesses, Jon played beer pong with some girls on the volleyball team and then joined a group of students who headed to Memories bar for a nightcap. “We were talking and chilling,” reveals Heisman. Jon returned to Memories the next evening. “He was obliterated,” says Pott. “Juniata girls were flirting with him and he was loving it and having a great time.” “We might be getting a divorce,” Chloe Pott, a junior at Juniata College, heard Jon tell her friend at Memories bar on February 7.

Kate is gonna lose her shit!

Wonder if they'll mention any of this on their "reality" show, soon to be titled Jon Plus 8 Minus Kate.

Let's Twist Again

I found this priceless game several posts back on Monty’s The Daily Bitch site and laughed my head off. I still remember the time I was driving home from work a few years ago and there were storm spotters at regular intervals stopped all along the highway gazing eastward. I nervously thought, “This can’t be good.” The kicker was when I arrived home and there was a spotter truck right in front of my house!!! We would be hosting a small dinner party that evening and this turn of events made for some anxious dinner conversation around the table. Though I periodically ran outside to check the sky and was standing in the front yard when the wall cloud passed right over us, we never did have to head for the cellar and the evening concluded without injury.

Before we let the games begin, I must preface this by saying I am unable to receive Oklahoma City TV stations on our satellite dish because I live across a county line that divides us as to what are considered “local stations” thus throwing us into the Tulsa viewing area. While I like Tulsa just fine, I detest their screwed up idea of a weather map in the lower right hand corner of the screen. It is the funkiest shape ever (I need to get a pic of that and show you--it is worthless) and only shows preshus Tulsa and a few surrounding counties. This leaves my unnamed town stranded in the far left corner oblivious to vicious, bulging, reddish-hued fronts baring down on poor, pitiful us much like this massive dick threatening my home state and part of PA.

In honor of this twister intensive state, let’s prepare to break out the annual GARY ENGLAND DRINKING GAME! If you have ever lived in Oklahoma this game will make perfect sense to you or even if you’ve paid us a visit especially in April, May, or June, this will make perfect sense. Have fun!

Pregame

1. Everyone selects a storm chaser other than Val Castor. (Val lives in Stillwater and Gary talks to him CONSTANTLY.) Every time Gary talks to your storm chaser, you take one drink. Take two drinks every time we see footage from your storm chaser. Take four drinks if your storm chaser says "tornado on the ground!"

2. Everyone selects a county other than Pottawatomie County. (Because we are always hearing about Pottawatomie County.) Every time Gary mentions your county, you take one drink. Take two drinks every time we see footage from your county. Take four drinks if a tornado touches down in your county.

One drink

1. Take one drink every time Gary says the following: Hook Echo | Updraft | Metro | Doppler radar | Wall cloud |Ranger 9 | Underground | Mobile home

2. When Gary gives a list of counties, take one drink for every county in the list. (Oklahoma has 77 counties but somehow they all get mentioned at some point.)

3. Take one drink every time Gary interrupts a program. Take one drink if Gary says "You’re not missing any of [program name]." (This is a major concern dammit!) Take one drink when Gary says "We’ll keep you advised." (Like we had any doubt he wouldn’t.)

Two drinks

1. Take two drinks every time Gary says the following: Baseball-sized hail |Waterloo Road | Pottawatomie County | Deer Creek High School (How many times has that high school been hit anyway?!?)

2. Take two drinks every time Gary mentions the following towns: Altus | Burns Flat | Dill City | Gotebo | Hydro | Lookeba | Meeker | Mulhall | Oktaha | Olustee | Shattuck | Slaughterville | Tryon | Vici |Waukomis | Wayne (or Payne) | Weleetka | Wetumkah (The only one that is even slightly big is Altus.) (C note: Amazingly, my county isn’t mentioned but believe me, it gets plenty of action.)

3. Take two drinks every time Gary talks to Val Castor. (Now we are gonna get really drunk!)

Three drinks

1. Take three drinks if we see footage from Val Castor.

2. Take three drinks if we see footage from Pottawatomie County.

3. Take three drinks if Gary mentions the following: Immediate tornado precautions | National Weather Service | Mesocyclone | Portable Radio | Take shelter | Tornado warning in effect until ...

Four drinks

1. Take four drinks if Ranger 9 must land to refuel. (Notice it doesn't say when it lands to take cover, we don't land our aircraft in a tornado around here, we fly AROUND them.)

2. Take four drinks if Gary issues his own tornado warning, not recognized by the NWS (He's a renegade that way) or says the following: "Will someone please answer that phone?" (He takes this stuff seriously damn it, answer the phone.) or "Do you see the power flashes?"

3. Take four drinks if a shirtless tornado victim is interviewed. (Redneck land, yo. There is a reason I get dressed and put on shoes when a storm is in the vicinity.) (C note: I do too before I head to our wine, er, storm cellar.)

Finish your drink

1. Finish your drink if someone uses the word tornado as a verb or if Gary mentions the cross streets nearest to you.

2. If Gary says "We’ve lost Val," pour a little out for your homies and finish your drink. (Poor Val…)

If THAT won't get you drunk, it can't be done.

Welcome to my world…

House of 8

I was trying to catch up on some Jon and Kate plus 8 last week and I noticed the episode where they got 2 new puppies... they were in a different house. Obviously I haven't watched in a few months because I didn't know they'd moved. Then Bone commented on Tubular (by Circe) and mentioned them. It made me investigate.

Yes! They got a new house. You can see it here

While I was searching, I found this article. For quite a while, my family and I have commented about how bitchy she is. Kate really treats Jon like shiznit (we think). Well apparently, alot (at least one more) think the same way. I don't think it should be taken off the air, but I do think she needs an attitude adjustment. I also noticed that she turns away from him in the interview chair, now, more than ever! She's also dropped a truckload of weight and seemed super boney. Has anyone else seen all this?

Don't get me wrong. I've enjoyed watching their show for years but here lately, it seems maybe Kate just isn't that into it. Maybe she's tapped out. Dunno

More house

Tubular

Because I have considerably more time on my hands, some of these hours are spent/wasted watching TV. I’m not a talk show fan, I dislike soaps, and I’ve really gotten out of watching any sort of prime time drivel but there are some shows out there (even several judge shows; I adore Judge Judy, she's such saucy bitch!) I’ve become addicted to. I can hear the groaning already and you know you are more than welcome to disagree. : ) There is no accounting for taste, eh? We have Dish satellite here on the outskirts of Podunkville and I have found I’m partial to HGTV and the TLC channels. In no particular order I am mesmerized by these offerings:

What Not to Wear. Totally hooked on this one. Young or old, these female walking fashion disasters get well-heeled makeovers thanks to our fashion experts and some high priced NY boutiques. Some are pleasantly surprised, eager, and willing, but a few balk like a government mule and stubbornly refuse to follow the required guidelines. There are several I would personally bitch-slap but most come around to appreciating their new visage. One tall nanny with hideous taste flat out refused to have her beyond waist length tresses even trimmed by Nick though she did submit to Carmindy’s brushes. Needless to say, it detracted from her polished new look but that was her loss. Another favorite episode was the 23-year old wild child from Austin, Texas whose clothing taste was so bizarre that her signature look was a raccoon’s (?) tail attached to her derriere!!! She dressed beyond trampy and fought tooth and nail to keep her ‘look’. I really thought Mz Stacy and Mr Clinton were going to have a double coronary with her but reason prevailed and the tail was retired along with the rest of her hoochie getups. After the transformation, she looked lovely and sophisticated and our fav fashionistas did not turn her into a matronly frump as she feared. Nick’s wizardy with the scissors and Carmindy’s expert makeup application are just as essential to make this show work and their enthusiastic expertise is much appreciated. In conclusion, I love you Stacy and Clinton! Please come to Chez Circe and work your marvelous magic!

Property Ladder (and others like it). If it has anything to do with fixing up a house, I’m there. I love how the attractive yet snooty “veteran flipper” Kirsten comes to check on the first-timer’s progress. Her expressions are priceless when she hears their impractical, convoluted plans for the property. She always has wise advice which is rarely taken as the couple blissfully plunge headlong into their money pit abyss. The result is either going over budget, extra weeks spent in the renovation, not focusing on what Mz Expert advised to concentrate on or all of the above. The end result is occasionally a house that sits on the market for weeks or months on end with no recoup of investment. No doubt an undisclosed fallout has been divorces or breakups. My personal favorite was the female space cadet who calmly informed Kirsten that her house let it be known what it wanted done and what color to paint it. Apparently this chatty abode possessed a champagne appetite as the kitchen insisted on custom cabinets! This lunatic went waaaaaaay over budget and thanks to an overinflated asking price, failed to sell the house. A blurb across the screen did say she was listening for another communicative property to makeover. Ya can’t make these things up folks.

Myles of Style (Kim Myles), Color Splash (David Bromstad), Deserving Design (Vern Yip), etc.

Design Star 2 winner Kim Myles challenges homeowners to unlock their creativity as she helps them turn rooms from drab to fab in Myles of Style. With her signature creativity, talent for design and budget brilliance, Kim works her makeover magic to transform ordinary spaces into design masterpieces.

Totally love the room makeovers and I get all excited and motivated and think of a million things I’d like changed to jazz up my own nest. Doubt my plans ever come to fruition but it sure is fun to dream. Kim Myles does a terrific job on a shoestring budget, and David Bromstad from Color Splash is a very talented guy. I like Vern Yip from Deserving Design too. Heck, they are all good.

The Girls Next Door. I never thought I’d say I’d be this depressed to be losing Holly, Bridget, and Kendra’s profound thoughts and cerebral witticisms expounded on TV but frankly, I’ve come to enjoy watching them cavort about the mansion and throw parties for their dogs and pick out hooker costumes for whatever bashes are being held that week. You know, just what every American gal does on a daily basis. But honestly, I’m crushed that they are moving on and I won’t get to tune in and cringe and shudder every time any of them kiss those geriatric, wrinkled, pruned up lips (Hefs, ya goose) Blah! I guess it’s been seven years or so for Holly and possibly Bridget too, and it was time to start an actual life instead of being kept like a cosseted rare hothouse flower by a decrepit octogenarian. I realize it’s early in the game, but his new twin fluffheads didn’t strike me as having much of a personality and I don’t recall who the third flaxen-haired gold digger, er, replacement is. I haven’t heard if this show will continue with the new cast but my curiosity will get the better of me and I’ll be compelled to tune in at least a few times to check out the newbies. The season finale is March 1 so you where you can find me. Holly, Bridget, Kendra—I’ll miss you! *sniff*

Sober House. (It’s positively addictive!) This is a spin-off of Celebrity Rehab and I have TBC to thank for getting me completely hooked. I only caught part of its last season, CR2, but I’m front and center for each new SH episode. Not all of the cast from CR2 (Jeff, Tawny, Gary, Sean) chose to enter Sober House, but there have been a few additions so we have a nice selection of “former” junkies to watch screw up, and screw up they do. This really should be renamed “Who Falls off the Wagon This Week?” as that has pretty much been the premise so far. Week 1 featured Steven Adler who had the balls to show up on the first day higher than a kite not to mention attempting to smuggle drugs in. He was caught red-handed and spent the first night at one of the burly male staff’s home. As if this wasn’t enough, a few evenings later, he got his grubby hands on more drugs at a pool party thrown at the residence. This time the house mom, Jen, was forced to call the police as smiley Steve got darn belligerent and positively violent. He spent the night in lockup and went for more rehab before once again returning to the house. Week 2 showcased Amber, the lovely pill-popping model, who went to some private party with a hockey player and got seriously sozzled and shagged though she claims not to remember much of the evening in question. Week 3 had Seth going on a three-day drug-fueled bender and worrying his addiction-prone colleagues to distraction. Honestly, he has my vote for Mostly Likely to OD and Croak in a Trash Strewn Alley. Steve Adler runs a close second. I truly feel for them both but they have seriously got to want sobriety and I just don't get the feeling they are trying that hard. On the other hand, Rodney King seems to be the most dedicated to staying sober and just may make it. This Thursday, tonight! (9pm Central) we’ll see Mary the porn star (Cleveland native) next up to bat for falling from sobriety grace. Stay tuned…

No Way!

OMG OMG!!! Circe will love to hear/read this!

OctoMom a porn star!?