Sleet City

Though we are not receiving the cruel ice that was predicted, a lovely wintery mix has been falling off and on since yesterday morning and should continue through Sunday. Most of us have hankered down in our cozy nooks as nature displays its vibrant white fireworks. We watch fascinated from our warms enclaves debating whether to brave January’s arsenal or just sit back and enjoy being reclusive hermits.

The Topfive.com’s 20 Bad Suspense Novel Metaphors or Similes

20> Worn down at the edges like a Times Square hooker, the 

    caretaker's last tooth lay on the floor like a yellow Chiclet.

19> When she stepped out of her dress, she had the body of a

    90-year-old nun, if the nun looked as young, attractive,

    and sexy as the dame standing in front of me.

18> The situation had become topsy-turvy -- like Christmas in the

    summer, if you're in Australia.

17> The information imbedded on the stolen computer chip was like

    an explosive so explosive it could explode, creating a massive

    explosion.

16> As I watched through the slatted shades, her bosom bounce like

    her suspicious husband's first check.

15> The killer was a misplaced comma in the jaunty, happy sentence

    that made up the party crowd.

14> His face looked like an ice sculpture.  Not one of those 

    pretty ones in the middle of a cruise ship buffet, but the 

    kind they do in a contest with a chainsaw -- and it had been 

    out in the heat too long.

13> Like any family, this house had its secrets, secrets it grimly

    refused to reveal, and would continue to refuse to reveal even

    if it could speak, which unlike a family, or at least most 

    members of most families, it couldn't. 

12> The air of danger perversely made Nina's nipples harden, 

    like that Magic Shell stuff on a bowl of ice cream.

11> From his vantage point in the balcony, the would-be assassin

    looked down on the debating candidates like a webhead looking 

    down on an AOL user.

10> The sudden darkness made the Countess tense, like Bobby Jerome

    that time with the bicycle in 7th grade, remember?

 9> There was something funny about the kidnapping crime scene

    that Special Agent Frievald couldn't quite place, and the

    thought stuck with him throughout the rest of the day,

    like those tiny little bits of the circumferent skin from

    the bologna slices on a foot-long Subway Cold Cut Trio that 

    get stuck in between the last two molars on the upper left, 

    on the tongue side where you can't possibly reach them with 

    a toothpick, your fingernails, or even a systematically 

    straightened paper clip, they just sit there and make every-

    thing you eat at your next meal taste vaguely like vinegar 

    and mayonnaise, and then somehow -- quietly but miraculously

    -- they disappear by themselves in the middle of the night 

    while you're asleep, just like the visiting Countess appeared

    to have done.

 8> Her parting words lingered heavily inside me like last night's

    Taco Bell.

 7> The bullet burned Gilmore's gut like the first piss after a

    long night in a Singapore brothel.

 6> A single drop of sweat slowly inched down Chad's brow -- 

    a tiny, glistening Times Square New Year's Eve Ball of

    desperation.

 5> His .38 barked fire, like John Goodman's butt after a chili

    cookoff.

 4> Her blazing eyes dance like Astaire and Rogers, but since they

    were crossed, it was an ocular tango, and my eyes had to 

    foxtrot just to maintain eye contact.

 3> She had a voice so husky it could have pulled a dogsled, and

    the gun she was holding gave me a bad case of barrel envy.

 2> The neon sign reflected off his gun, like the moonlight

    reflects off my brother-in-law's bald head after a night

    of beer drinking and cow-tipping.

 1> Unable to contain his rage, he burst like a pimple of emotion,

    the pus of his fury streaking the mirror of calm in the

    bathroom of his life.