Wednesday, August 30, 2006
All Choked Up
With crystal clarity I have come to acknowledge the foolishness of embellishing one’s condition as irony will soon follow on the red stiletto heels of extreme exaggeration. And indeed it has. Much like a house of cards, things quickly headed downhill this morning when I attempted (and that is the key word here) to alleviate my wretched symptoms by swallowing cold medicine in pill form swiped from Student Services. While I am aware of my skittishness in downing jumbo cylinders, I have rarely experienced a problem will regular-sized ones. After getting the first one down I proceeded to completely choke on the second rascal sending a spewing fountain of drenching water splashing in all directions. Loud, gasping, animal-like noises launched the paramedics (aka my dept) who raced to my rescue and lined up in hasty formation in preparation for beginning the Heimlech maneuver. My airway was not completely obstructed and though partially stuck, I waved assistance away as I struggled to aid in the pill’s treacherous journey down my unwilling esophagus. I tried drinking more water but was only able to take tiny sips as this tablet was in no hurry to reach its proper destination. After several minutes, it reluctantly crossed the finish line, leaving me shaking and distraught. Though concluding with a happy ending, I later discovered I had also sprayed my keyboard with an ominous stream. Rather than focusing on a rarely used, extraneous key like the 'tilde' or something, it headed straight for the spacebar. So besides scaring my fellow workers half to death and having my keyboard replaced, I now have an extremely sore throat which wasn’t helped by eating the thick, sticky peanut butter sandwich I brought for lunch.
When explaining my distressful dilemma to an empathetic comrade who missed the commotion, he showed great caring, concern and support, and suggestively demonstrated amusing and innovative measures that would assist me in overcoming this constricted throat problem. Thanks darlin, I just may take you up on it when you least expect it. ;)
And in conclusion, I prepared an important FedEx letter only to realize I had forgotten to add the cover page. Jumping up from my seat, I scurried to the lobby desk, grabbed the parcel and ripped it open to discover to my horror it was not my document but one originating from the finance office. Under the gun, I quickly made two new ship requests and while dear Ray impatiently waited on Ms Circe, I again attempted processing…only to be given a date error by the obstinate machine. Trying not to panic, I redid the current date, dispensation was completed, and the crucial bundles placed in Mr. FedEx’s competent hands. I shudder to think what trials still await me before day’s end. I need a drink!