IQ 'U'

Though my beloved Browns LOST their Sunday season opener on home turf (what’s up with that???), I did manage to pull off a resounding victory in the FFB arena against the sissy Storm Troopers and that is even more astounding considering I had failed to acquire a tight end! This has now been rectified for this weekend’s match-up against the revolting Raw Dawgs. Nothing like having all your ducks in a row, eh? As of this morning, a sexy coworker has volunteered his manly football expertise and will be sharing coaching duties with the grateful Ms. Circe. He closely scrutinized our team from my computer as we cozily ‘put our heads together’ over possible changes/replacements. This may prove to be a stimulating season! ;)

Just for the heck of it I took one of those online IQ tests last night and scored very close to a previous test from awhile back. This piqued TBC’s interest and though having imbibed beer and currently downing Dominican run, he decided this would be an ideal time to assess his intellectual smarts. Not one to squash an outstanding concept in its gurgling infancy, I reset the quiz for his input and quietly slunk out so as not to impair the intoxicated firing of brain synapses. Eavesdropping from the living room, I overheard loud repetition of questions, muttered pondering, and occasional departures for additional ice. Quelling my curiosity, the exam was finally completed and I raced in to discover the anticipated results. Much to my utter amazement, the score was of decent numbers though trailing mine from a considerable distance. Puffed up like a peacock, he printed out his score so as to bask in the reflected glow of accomplishment. All well and good but he had input our cat's moniker for name so the document tells Stubbs the fine points of his testing abilities. Priceless!

After dramatically fainting upon viewing my last bill, I would change the wording to read Cingular…

Verizon Introduces New Charge-You-At-Whim Plan
August 21, 2006 | Issue 42•34
NEW YORK—Verizon Communications, Inc. announced a new service package for its wireless and residential customers that would charge them widely varying, but always high, fees every month depending how the communications giant feels at the time. "Our Charge-At-Whim packages offer the same mediocre quality and insufferable level of customer service you’ve come to expect," a Verizon spokesman said Tuesday. "But it adds an unjustified, arbitrary and, if you’ll allow us to boast, frankly unjustifiable method of determining just how much you’ll pay for them." Packages start at "oh, $69.99 a month, let’s say?" and went into effect about three or four months ago.

Libra September 23 - October 23
You used think it was your rapier wit and raffish charm that made you attractive to the opposite sex, but as it turns out it's just your orifices.