Cops 'n Cooters

Yesterday during the half hour drive home I observed not one but two vehicles in the act of being pulled over by the boyz in blue for what I’m assuming were speeding violations. Just as I left the college, a van heading the other way was stopped by a town cop who whipped around and flashed his lights. Further down the highway, I observed the little white car right behind me obediently pull over to the side when the hypo trailing him demanded obeisance. *cue foreshadowing music* Today I took extra measures with my morning toilette as I have my annual cooter checkup (oh joy) today and as a result, I was running behind schedule. As I flew down the highway I relived vivid flashbacks of an uncomfortable incident in the lounge yesterday morning when I stood waiting for the microwave to finish heating my water. A fellow worker bee walked in, sunglasses on, bag in tow, obviously very late for work. (Yes, it’s tough to make it here at 7am but by god missy, it was 7:30!) With exquisite timing Grand Exalted Poobah picked that precise moment to get a cup of joe and it was obvious he knew darn well she had just arrived by that telltale look of displeasure on his face. Not wanting a repeat of that tardiness episode, I put the pedal to the metal as I raced to work. As luck would have it, there laying in wait to ambush the unwary was MrTownCopFromYesterday sneakily ready to pounce on the unsuspecting Mz Circe as she zipped down the home stretch! I waffled between laughing and crying but went with my ‘honestly is the best policy’ feeling and told him exactly why I was in such a hurry, sparing no detail. My refreshing truthfulness was rewarded as he let me go scott free. And I barely escaped getting caught by GEP. Just barely. Whew!

"Kentucky DMV Introduces Game of Chicken to Driver's Test"

LOUISVILLE, KY— The Kentucky Department of Motor Vehicles announced yesterday that the game of chicken will be added to the state's driver's-license road test, testing prospective motorists' ability to drive directly towards one another at an accelerating speed.

"We want to make sure new drivers can handle everyday Kentucky driving scenarios," said DMV spokesman Marty Kerta

The state's test is already one of the most challenging in the nation, requiring Kentuckians to drive through stop signs, hurtle into police roadblocks, achieve at least two seconds of airborne status, and do donuts.

"If we have drivers on the road lacking these vital chicken skills, something terrible could happen—like, for instance, someone swerving away at the last second like a giant pussy," Kerta said.

Of course that news item was a complete fabrication (I think) unlike this very real Okiedokieville one boldly proclaimed in my town’s paper last week:

Stolen Legs Are Recovered

OC deputies conducting a search warrant Thursday night stumbled upon a pair of stolen prosthetic legs at a residence in the 9500 block of --- Road.

C.C., OC Sheriff's Department Investigator, said 23-year-old --- is facing charges of knowingly concealing stolen property and drug charges.

The legs and two video games were reported stolen from 19-year-old --- in April.

C. said that the legs are in the custody of the OC Sheriff's Department.

Just your basic, humdrum, run-of-the-mill thievery going on here gang!