Musical Chairs

I get the weirdest requests when I sit at S’s desk or as I like to call it, “play S.” I have worn this alternate hat for most of this week and Wed, an assistant came in asking if Water Buffalo could reserve the faculty lounge for some disability meeting next Monday, at 2pm!!!I looked at her like she had sprouted three heads as I couldn’t remember any time in the past we have ever closed down the lounge for a meeting held smack dab in the middle of the day. I told her I had no knowledge concerning this and maybe it would be better if she checked into another conference area more conducive to her needs.

Yesterday morning I beat WB to the 'think tank' and being in a humorous mood, she proceeded to bang on the door and "pssst" at me the whole time I was in there. When I finally emerged she slapped in on the butt and told me I was being ornery! (Does that qualify for sexual harrassment?)

But even more bizarre was yesterday's mind boggling phone call. Though D was slated to play S, I briefly filled in from 10:30 to noon while she left for a prior commitment. At straight up twelve, the phone rings. I debated whether to let it go to voicemail or dutifully answer the damn thing since I hadn’t left for lunch yet. Like an idiot I picked up the receiver to hear an extremely ridiculous solution to a seemingly minor problem. It seems the bigwigs at a large medical facility were meeting at our offsite lake facilities and did not realize a key was needed to gain entrance to enter the premises. Imagine that! A KEY. Their logical answer to this little wrinkle in the plan was to employ BOLT CLIPPERS to enter and as the gal cheerfully informed me, they would “be happy to pay for any damages incurred.” This seemed a totally rational solution to this pesky little matter so I agreeably retorted, “Go ahead! Feel free to flagrantly violate school property and slice up any damn thing you need to gain entry. No problem!" Ok, that is NOT what I said. Totally flabbergasted and dumbfounded, what actually came out of my mouth was, “I think you need to talk to the finance office about this,” and I transferred them. So I come back from lunch very curious to know how things turned out. It is imperative I make sure someone knows what went down in everyone's absence so I flew into our dean of campus construction's office and poured out my unbelieveable tale. Fortunately he thought it was kinda funny and felt a lack of communication lay behind this strange state of affairs. Dutifully he strolled down to the finance office to get a status report and discovered the med center contact had indeed spoken to finance and was firmly informed under no circumstances would destruction of said properly be excused or sanctioned and to COME PICK UP THE KEY. Though not happy, they did as instructed and completely unnecessary vandalism was thus avoided. (Who the hell do they think they are anyway??) An unnecessary brouhaha was peacefully settled. Whew!

It's a new day today and I play 'S' ALL day. I shudder to think what unexpected predicaments may finish off this peculiar workweek............ *shakes head*